Fading Moments
by Remembering-Sunday514
Summary: "Mom please…I can't handle the tears right now." The blonde whispered as his mother embraced him. "Mom I just want to go to bed. I have to be up early tomorrow." His mom leaned out of his now wet shoulder and sighed "I'm so proud of you baby. It just scares me to let you go to boot camp." He wanted to tell his mother that everything was going to be alright but even he wasnt sure.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N This is my first story so please R&R and tell me what you think. I know its not great but I tried :) **

_"Mom please…I can't handle the tears right now." The blonde whispered as his mother embraced him. "Mom I just want to go to bed. I have to be up early tomorrow." "I know baby. I am so proud of you. I am. It just breaks my heart to let you go to boot camp. All by yourself." He wanted to tell his mother that everything was going to be alright but he couldn't mutter those simple words as he wasn't sure himself. He knew that he wanted this more than anything but he also knew that leaving his mother alone with his little sister was going to tear her heart right out of her chest. "Mom I will see you in the morning."_

"Get up! Get up right now you fucking maggots. We have lots of fun to get through today!" Kendall opened his eyes as the lights brought the plain white room to life. The heart inside his chest pounded against his bones. Flailing out of bed he grabbed the clothes that were distributed to him the night before. The entire time he was franticly trying to throw on the cloth the drill sargent, who was a tall, dark-skinned, muscular man, was screaming insulting phrases in their faces. When he was finally dressed through the madness he threw his bed together and stood to attention at the end of his bed. He stared at the boy who stood across from him. Their eyes locked taking in each other's frightened expressions. Chest's heaving as they tried to bring in as much oxygen as possible. He noticed that the other boy had tears already building in his blue eyes. Kendall felt bad for him. He didn't have the urge to cry though he knew that, most likely sooner than later, his time would come when he broke.

"Great! You all have survived your first night at Marine Boot Camp." The strong deep voice ripped him from his thoughts and they faded to the back of his mind as he dealt with the task at hand…Surviving this very moment.

"Knight! Run faster you filthy son of a bitch!" It was the sixth day of boot camp. Kendall put his head down as he was called out at the end of the pack. They were just entering the second mile of their morning run. He felt as the pain in his legs shot up his body into all the aching parts. Yesterday afternoon he was doing push-ups when Drill Sargent McCoy called him out for not being able to finish five sets of fifteen. He felt himself coming to his breaking point. He thought about what his mother had told him as she hugged him for the last time.

"It's OK to cry, baby. They are there to break you. It's their job so that they can build you up stronger."

At that moment Kendall had blown off her words of advice, though, now that he was running as hard as he could with a large, grizzly man screaming at him he knew his time was coming.

"What's wrong? Did you expect us to be your mommy and hold your hand? Did you think that you would get treated like a king? NO! You are a filthy maggot who has no ability. You can't even make it through this little run!" As Kendall listened to the words spoken behind him, though he knew he shouldn't, he snapped.

The tears he had been hiding finally fell. He let a whimper escape his burning throat as he breathed in the smoldering air that surrounded him.

"Don't you dare cry you weak little bitch!"

Kendall knew that he couldn't do anything about what was being said or else his division mates and he would be punished for his actions. The last thing he needed was more attention drawn to him.

He could see the end of the run as he came over the hill pushing himself harder to get away from the angry man behind him. When he passed that 2 mile mark he stopped within the other gathered boys and bent over his knees. He felt as though he was going to vomit as the sobs erupted from the bottom of his stomach.

Kendall turned as he watched the DS began to harass another boy who began to become sick. He straightened himself looking at the boys that surrounded him with sympathy in their eyes.

It was the third week of boot camp. He hadn't exactly gotten a chance to meet many of the other boys, though did meet one that he had become fond of. He was a shorter boy with dark skin and blue eyes. His name was Mathew Alexander though everyone called him Xander.

"Hey, Knight. Guess what!"

"What?" Kendall muttered to the boy lying on the floor next to him.

"I think we are gonna get out of here alive" Xander gasped between sit ups.

"Why do you say that?" The blonde boy asked after a soft chuckle that was subsided when he remembered the run that made him think the world around him was going to come crashing down.

"Because. This is getting easier. I mean. The two mile runs, the push-ups, and the sit ups. I thought I would never survive after that third day."

_ Kendall thought back to the first time that he had officially met Xander. They were being shown how to properly make their beds. Kendall thought that the entire thing was a piece of cake between getting the sheet one inch from the top of the bed, pillow square in the middle of the head of the bed, the tucked and angled corners at the foot of the mattress, and being able to do it in 50 seconds. Though, the boy next to him couldn't even get the sheet straight as it folded back over the top blanket. Kendall leaned over to help him perfect this simple task when suddenly he heard "Knight, Alexander!" Kendall and the other boy scrambled to the end of their beds and stood at attention. Kendall prepared for humiliation. _

_ "Knight, just what the fuck do you think you are doing helping this piece of shit?" Kendall was just about to speak when more came flowing out. "I know that we are supposed to learn to work as a team but how the hell are we supposed to trust someone who can't even manage making their own fucking bed?" _

_The man told them to relax then walked away never looking back at them. _

_After they had been dismissed for dinner Xander introduced himself and said "C'mon, we can eat together." _

Kendall shook his head and looked at the boy next to him and said "Yeah, not exactly how everyone meets their friends, heh?" They both chuckled as they finished their afternoon exercises.

"Hey, I want you to meet a few people at dinner!" Xander exclaimed as they jumped to their feet.

Kendall hadn't really talked to anyone else more than the working together as a group though he didn't remember many names. He was excited to meet new potential friends.

As they walked away from the food line and towards a table where three other boys sat Kendall took in their faces trying to find any recognition. There was some though he didn't know their names exactly.

Xander pointed to each boy and pointed to each as he introduced them as Marcus, Ryan, and James.

The boy called James jumped to his feet and extended a hand to Kendall and said "My name is James Diamond, though, just call me James."

Kendall looked at the boy with a questioning look and set his tray down and shook his hand with a smile. "I'm Kendall."


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N Thank you to everyone who read the first chapter. I appreciate it! I know that this one as a bit shorter but here is the second chapter. Hope you enjoy **

Over the past week Xander, and Kendall did everything together, not that they technically had a choice. Kendall thought about the boys that Xander had introduced him to. They didn't get to see them much other than during meals briefly because they were in a different division. Kendall was alright with it though. He had Xander who was always there for him even on the not so great days.

One night after all the lights had been turned out for the night Kendall turned to Xander in the bed next to him. "Hey, are you awake?"

Kendall heard the other boy roll in his bed before he muttered, "What?"

"I was just wondering. What's going to happen if we don't get sent out together?" Kendall had been thinking about this over the past few days and it was festering within his thoughts.

"I don't know dude. Don't you think it's a little late to have a deep conversation?" Xander mumbled into his pillow before curling onto his other side.

Kendall was left to think about this once again by himself. He thought, I was sent here by myself and now I'm going to lose my best friend as I get sent to another place after graduation. I'm going to have to make all new friends in a new terrifying place. Then he thought of James and how he never seemed scare of anything. How he held himself tall even when he had no idea what he was doing. Kendall didn't know him very well. Only when he was eating with him and the other four. When they talked during their meals they seemed like normal boys. They didn't have to be disciplined and scolded for every stupid or immature thing they said. They talked about the girls back home and where they were from. Kendall wanted to be friends with the other boys but he knew that if he got to close those would be just more friends that he would have to forget about when he left this hell-hole. Kendall threw himself to his side trying to push his own insecurities out of his active mind.

As the weeks passed and the excitement grew with the knowledge that graduation was just around the corner. Kendall was growing more restless. He wondered if anyone else was thinking about this next step as much as he was. After graduation they were to be sent to different schools around the country to be taught specific tasks such as aviation, weaponry, or technology. Kendall wanted to be a corpsman. A bit ironic he thought. He came to this conclusion thinking about how he wanted to save lives though he signed up for the marines to kill people. He didn't want to hurt other people but he knew that in order to defend his country and his family he had to live with the sacrifice. He thought about his mom and his sister, Katie. How he missed them so much. He felt a pang in his stomach as he felt the home sickness setting in. He pushed them out of his mind.

One more week until graduation day. Graduation was on a Friday and today was Saturday. Kendall was still thinking about how he was going to be separated from Xander when that day came recalling the conversation they had had just days before.

_"Xander we have to figure out what we are going to do after Graduation. They are down our throats to figure this out so they can ship us off." Kendall thought about all the possibilities though he knew that he wanted to go into the health care field. Xander looked at him with a thoughtful stare. _

_ "I think I am going to go into technology. I have always loved making and fixing machines." He paused as he finished whipping down the bathroom sink as they wrapped up their cleaning duties. "What about you buddy? What are you thinking about doing?"  
He asked now looking up. _

_ Kendall debated whether or not he was going to tell him exactly what he was thinking but decided that there was nothing else that had stuck out to him as this did. "I think I want to be a corpsman. I want to help the wounded and hurting." _

_ "We are going to go to different places…" Xander said in a soft tone. Kendall thought it was strange that is seemed this was the first time that his best friend thought about them going separate ways. _

_ "That's what I have been trying to tell you." Kendall blurted out before he could stop himself. "I told you we were going to be going different places after graduation. We are going to have to meet new people, new friends, get used to a new place and setting all over again." _

_ Xander looked at him as though he were an alien form. "I had never really thought about it until now. I had always focused on exactly what I was doing at this moment. That is the only way I have made it through this entire hell whole. Having those fucking men scream at us for nothing." The expression on Xander's face became flustered. Kendall didn't mean to upset him. He just wanted to know what was going through his friends mind, and apparently it wasn't the same as what had been going through his own. _

_ Kendall put a firm had on the boys shoulder and reassured him "We are going to make amazing new friends and we are going to live our dreams doing the jobs that we are going to be passionate about." He was saying this for his friends benefit but he also knew deep down inside that he was trying to convince himself as well. _


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N I hope you enjoy this Chapter. Logan and Carlos will be entering the story in the next chapter or two! I will try to get those ones up as fast and I did the last few chapters.**

Kendall stood tall in his brand new pressed uniform. It was graduation day. He was basking in his confidence for the first time in weeks. He looked out at the crowd and listened as their division was introduced. He knew that tomorrow he was going to be sent somewhere to be turned into a corpsmen. He had come to terms with the fact that he and Xander were not going to be going to the same place after today, though he did want to make sure that he had a chance to say goodbye to the guy that had been so amazing to him over the last few, most horrible, and demanding weeks of his life.

After the graduation ceremony was over he had a chance for the first time to see his mother and sister. He couldn't hide the smile that was forcing its way through his features as he thought about finding them.

"Kendall, honey!" He heard his mother's voice and whipped around looking for her. "Kendall!" He heard her again and as he turned he spotted her and Katie coming to him. He moved towards his small family and he thought that his heart was going to pound right out of his chest with excitement. He reached and out grabbed his mother bringing her close. He felt Katie wrap herself around his waist and he began to choke back a sob that was forcing itself from within his stomach.

"Mom, Katie, I have missed you guys so much!" He said into his moms shoulder. He pulled back to look at her. She gently wiped the tear from his cheek with her thumb. He took in her smile.

"I am so proud of you baby." She said with a tight voice, he guessed from all the emotions. He ran his fingers through Katie's hair and she pulled back to look at him. He bent down on one knee and pulled her into a hug.

"I missed you too little sis." He said to her with a large smile.

He looked around and found Xander standing with his mother.

"Hold on. I'll be right back." He said as he pushed past them. He went up to Xander and smiled at his mother before asking, "Hey. Do you guys want to join us for lunch?" They were able to leave the camp for 4 hours before they had to be back in order to get ready to leave for their next step in training. Kendall gave a slight jolt then extended his hand to Xander's mother before saying "Sorry, I didn't introduce myself. I am Kendall. Me and Xander have been training together in the same division." His mother took his hand and introduced herself as Megan.

Xander then added, "Yes, we would love to join you guys for lunch."

Kendall thought about how this was going to be the last time that him and his best friend of 6 weeks were going to do anything together.

Kendall led them over to where his mother and sister were standing. He quickly introduced Xander and Megan to his family. They spent the next four hours eating at a small restaurant on the outside of town just talking, Kendall and Xander telling their families about their crazy experiences. They explained to them the moment that they finally broke and how they met; their families got a laugh out of that one.

Kendall looked at his watch that read 2:39. He sighed before saying "We better get heading back before we get into trouble." For a moment the table went quiet. The air around them felt heavy with despair. The boys looked at each other with almost tired expressions. They wanted to stay with their family. Not have to let go for God know how long. "We have to be back by three." Kendall added and then cleared his throat of the lump that had built up in it.

Kendall didn't want to cry in front of his mom and Katie. He had fought it so hard but as he stepped out of the car after arriving back at the boot camp he broke. He couldn't do it anymore. After he realized there was no stopping the steady stream he gave up. He leaned into his mom and sister as he released every pent up emotion. The fear, the anger, the love, the excitement, the confidence, and even his pride. He let all those emotions out in the desperate sobs.

Kendall pulled away from the tear stained faces that he loved so much. He missed so much. He looked down at his watch. 2:49. "I have to go guys." He hugged them both one last time and whispered I love you's into each of their ears. He turned on his heels not looking back as he followed Xander to their bunks.

That night they laid down for their last night at the boot camp that they have come to know. Kendall stared at the white ceiling above him. The only noise in the room was the sound of the other boys breathing. 'No,' he thought 'they weren't boys anymore. They have graduated boot camp. They are officially in the military. They are Marines. They are men!' As he thought about this he got a good feeling at the base of his stomach and his eyes fluttered close leading him to a deep peaceful sleep.

The next morning they awoke with their drill sargent telling them that they all had busy and full days and to get up. Kendall rolled out of bed and threw his clothes on. They were called to attention as they were told exactly what they had to do to get to where they were going today.

As they were dismissed to attend breakfast Kendall walked silently with Xander. Both boys got their food though they played with it more than they ate. Kendall looked up at his best friend and said "Hey, how you holding up?"

The other boy just looked at him with a forced smile and said. "Eh, I'm holding." There was a long pause before he spoke again. "You know, I'm actually really excited to start doing what I have a passion for. I want to leave here and start my next chapter. I just wish that I wasn't leaving you behind. I'm gonna miss you Kendall."

Kendall looked down. He felt a blush dance across his cheeks though he didn't know why. Maybe because he was feeling the same way as his best friend had just pointed out. And the fact that he wanted to tell the boy that he thought of him as a brother and wanted to tell him he loved him and would miss him.

Kendall just looked at him and said "Yeah, me too buddy. I'm going to miss you too."

As breakfast wrapped up the boys stood. Kendall's bus was to depart right after the meal was finished. He turned to Xander and said "Hey, everything is gonna be ok. I know it will. Maybe we will see each other again." Kendall forced a smile onto his face and gave Xander a hug.

Xander pulled a piece of paper out of his pocket and handed it to Kendall saying, "Here, I wrote this down. It's my number for when we get our phones back and if we actually have service." Kendall took the piece of paper and stuffed it into his pocket making a mental note to put it in a special spot before he loses it.

"I'll make sure I call you some time." Kendall gave him a quick embrace before turning and gathering his things before 10:00 to be on the bus.

He made it to the bussing area early and was one of the first to board. He picked a seat in the middle of the bus and closed his eyes as he sank into the seat. After a minute or two he felt movement to his left and opened his eyes and looked at the one and only James Diamond. "Hi, Kendall." The boy said with a soft smile. "Hi." Kendall returned the smile though he was inwardly sighing now knowing that he was going to be with the cocky and confident James.


	4. Chapter 4

As the bus came to a halt at the camp that they were to be arriving at Kendall was jolted awake not quite remember exactly where he was. When he looked to his left he remembered. James had also fallen asleep but wasn't disturbed by the sudden stop. His head was tilted back against the back of the seat in a way that Kendall knew his neck was going to hurt when he woke. Kendall reached over and shook his leg. "James, wake up. We are here." Kendall could hear the people outside the bus beginning to gather to find out where they were supposed to go. When James didn't move Kendall shook his leg harder and said in a louder tone "James, get up right now!" The boy startled and sat straight up, his hand going straight to his neck.

James looked at Kendall and before he could say anything he was pushing him out of his seat as he said, "Let's go before me miss anything."

They quickly scurried off the bus with each other as they joined the line with the rest of the men in their division.

As Kendall stood erect in front of another new place he felt his heart start to flutter as he became nervous. He thought about all the things that he would have to learn and live up to in the next 90 days as he became a corpsman. He listened to a short muscular man talk about what was expected from them. It wasn't any different than boot camp. They would be expected to sleep from 10 to 5 and then be up for a morning workout and then books in the afternoon.

He was broken out of his thoughts as they were to be given a small tour of the new camp. They followed in a silent single file line. Kendall looked over his shoulder at James who followed close behind him. James gave him a small smile looking a little nervous himself.

'Well, maybe it won't be so bad knowing someone here.' Kendall thought to himself as he returned forward and looked at the floor. 'He can't be that bad if Xander had liked him.' Kendall didn't know why he was so hell bent on hating this guy but every time he smiled at him Kendall's walls came down a little.

They walked into a large room that was all white and gray they were told to pick beds and unpack their few belongings. The room was filled with other boys that had arrived earlier that day. Kendall began to walk away when he felt a nudge on his arm. He turned to be face to face with James who said, "Hey, let's find beds next to each other." He then led Kendall to a pair of beds that he had already scoped out.

When he stopped at the end of the bed he said "Is this ok with you?" The looked on his face was so peaceful and genuine Kendall just nodded throwing his bag down on his bed.

He turned and noticed a boy on the bed next to him. He had dark short hair and deep chocolate eyes, he was also rather small. Kendall smiled at him and introduced himself. "Hi, I'm Kendall. I guess we are going to be bunking next to each other." He pointed down at his bed.

The other boy jumped up off of his bed and reached his hand out to Kendall over Kendall's newly claimed bed with a crooked smile and said "Hi, I'm Logan." After Kendall had let go of his hand Logan turned and pointed to a dark skinned boy who was sprawled out over the bed on the other side of Logan's with his arm covering his eyes. "And this is Carlos." Logan's smile widened as he introduced his friend.

Kendall turned and grabbed James's sleeve as he was trying to put his things in the cabinet that him and Kendall would be sharing and said "And this is James. It's good to meet you." Kendall smiled and James waved at the other boy. Kendall then pointed to Carlos and said "James. That's Carlos."

Logan climbed to the other side of his bed and slapped Carlos on his leg then pushed his arm off of his face. "Carlos, get up! I want you to meet some guys." Carlos groaned as he sat up on the side of his bed revealing large dark eyes. Logan gave Carlos a nudge on the shoulder and said "Hey, this is Kendall and James." The small Latino boy stood as him and Logan both leaped over the bed as he said "Well, it's good to meet you guys. Where are you all from?" The boy was still trying to wipe the sleep from his eyes.

James spoke up first saying with a bright smile "Oh, I'm from New York!"

Kendall looked at him and thought, 'And that is why he is cocky! He's from New York of all places!'

Kendall then said "I'm from Michigan." He shook his head when his mother and sister popped into his head the feeling of home sickness hitting his stomach immediately. "What about you guys? Where are you from?"

"I'm from Texas" Logan said as he sat on his bed. His smile faded for a moment as he thought about home, Kendall noticed and thought that maybe he felt the same way he did, missing his family and friends that he left at home.

Carlos' voice broke through Kendall's thoughts as he spoke "I'm from Columbia, Missouri."

"TEN MINUTES TILL YOU MUST ALL REPORT TO DINNER!" A large man yelled throughout the hall.

"Hey, let's get this shit put away before we have to go to dinner." Kendall said turning to James who nodded his agreement.

Over dinner all four boys talked about what it was like to grow up in their different places. They talked about their dreams after the marines and their families. What they did for fun as they grew up.

As Kendall finished his dinner he looked at the three boys sharing a table with him and thought to himself, 'I guess they are cool enough. They can't be that bad.' And with that, Kendall decided that these three cheesy boys, including James, were going to be his best friends, at least for this time in his military career. He then silently hoped that he wouldn't have to say goodbye to all of them as he moved onto the next.

**Hi guys. I hope you like this new chapter! I spend forever on this one! I was finally able to introduce Carlos and Logan! Please, please, please review or send me a message if you have any ideas or suggestions that you would like to share with me. Don't be shy! **


	5. Chapter 5

Over the past few days Kendall had noticed that James had stopped smiling at him or hardly even talking to him as he had tried ever since they had met. Kendall thought about how at meal time or when they were spending time with Carlos and Logan how even then he ignored James more than the other two. Kendall had started to think about it and was beginning to feel guilty. He didn't mean to hurt the boy or to seem rude or like he didn't like him. It wasn't that Kendall didn't like him because he even knew that he hadn't given him a chance at a friendship. He didn't know why he hadn't either. Maybe it was because of the stress of everything and he needed someone to take it out on and James was the first person that he didn't instantly agree with. He knew deep down in the pit of his stomach that he needed to give him a chance.

Kendall came out of the shower room and saw James sitting on his bed intently focused on a letter that he was writing back to home. He walked over to the slouching boy and sat next to him on his bed watching him. When James finally looked up from the paper he was scribbling on Kendall smiled at him and spoke a soft "hi."

"What do you want?" James said as he looked back down at his paper. Kendall's heart broke when the boy next to him sounded so harsh. He noticed looked out straight in front of him seeing Logan and Carlos laughing about something as they were changing and getting ready for bed. After all, it was lights out in ten minutes.

Kendall shook his head and looked down at his intertwined fingers then said, "Hey, I've wanted to talk to you." He didn't exactly know where to start so he waited for James to reply. After a few moments passed and James showed no interest in his words Kendall began again taking in a sharp breath. "I just wanted to apologize about how I have treated you. I don't know why I had treated you so bad when all you have been is nice to me. I guess I was just scared and stressed and needed someone to take it out on and you were just there at the wrong time." Kendall looked up at his other friends and caught Logan's eyes that showed question. Kendall just slowly shook his head and Logan turned back to Carlos who was sitting on the edge of his bed with that goofy smile spread across his face. Kendall smiled slightly before turning his attention back at James who was now looking at him. He looked at him seriously before telling him "Well, say something!" Kendall hated it when he didn't get an answer after a serious subject was brought up.

Suddenly James was on his feet and threw the paper that was in his hand down on the bed. Kendall jumped back farther onto the bed and looked up at the boy who hovered above him shocked. James leaned over Kendall so that his face was inches from his and growled through his teeth, "You think I wasn't scared to!? I have been terrified! I was trying to find a friend that I knew was going to do the same thing I was, and that was come here! I needed someone to just be on my side and I tried so hard to get you to just like me! You turned your back on me for no reason and now you want me to talk to you after weeks!" He put his fists on Kendall's chest and pushed off of him before storming into the shower room.

Kendall let out the breath that had caught in his lungs. He slowly stood his entire body shaking from the adrenaline that now ran through his veins. He slammed his own fist into the cabinet that he and James now shared. When he looked at Logan and Carlos their faces were blank from the shock of seeing their friend break down. After a moment of staring at each other Logan and Carlos broke the gaze and nervously began fidgeting with anything they could.

Kendall sat down in the center of his own bed and put his head in his hands and let out a sigh. He didn't know how he felt at the moment he just knew that he had to somehow make things right with James. He had no right to be rude to him.

Five minutes later their new over seer walked through the room and inspected all the boys. He stopped at the foot of James' bed and looked at Kendall. "Where is he?" The man asked pointing at the empty bed.

"He's in the bathroom. He will be out soon." Kendall said with a flat tone to his voice. The man didn't seem too concerned and continued down the aisle.

Kendall climbed under his covers as all the other boys were doing and he rolled onto his right side facing James' empty bed. He laid there thinking about what James had said to him. About how he was terrified just like Kendall was. He just needed someone there for him like every other young man in the room.

Soon after the lights had gone out Kendall saw James' silhouette through the light of the bathroom coming towards his bed. He climbed in without even glancing at Kendall. "I'm sorry." Kendall whispered before he turned quickly to face Logan's direction. He watched as the smaller boy's chest fell and rose with this even breathing before Kendall closed his eyes and drifted into a deep sleep.

The next morning at breakfast Kendall found Logan and Carlos already seated and eating when he arrived in the dining hall. He sat down next to Carlos and said a small "hello" still clearly distracted by the fight him and James had had the night before.

"How you feeling, Kendall?" Logan's voice breaking him out of his trance.

"Oh, I'm fine." Kendall said as he played with his food. "Have either of you seen James today?" Kendall brought his eyes up to meet Carlos's stare. He just shook his head. Kendall caught on that Carlos was uncomfortable with his friends fighting so he decided to leave him out of the situation as he turned back to Logan.

"No, I haven't seen him today. He was gone by the time I got up." The small brunette said. After a short pause he spoke up again. "If you don't mind me asking what was your fight about last night? I thought that James was going to hit you!"

"Yeah, I thought so too." Kendall said as he dropped his fork from his eggs then continued "I told him I was sorry that I had been such a prick to him and he went off on me telling me he wanted to be friends with me and all I did was treat him like hell. And he was right. I did. And I regret it so much!" Kendall could feel his blood begin to boil as the anger towards himself built up in his chest. Suddenly his voice rose as he continued to Logan. "I feel so fucking bad. James did nothing wrong and I was a complete ass! I don't know why I was acting that way. I knew and know that all of us are stressed right now! I just wish I could take it all back and start over with him!" When Kendall stopped he looked up at Logan who was no longer looking at him but over his head. Kendall slowly turned till his eyes locked with James' hazel ones. James walked around the table and dropped his tray next to Logan before saying "Kendall, can we talk alone?"

**Ok guys, another chapter down! Please let me know what you think! Please, please! I should have the next one done soon. Maybe tomorrow afternoon or night! **


	6. Chapter 6

Kendall reluctantly stood to follow James. When James turned on him Kendall successfully stopped James from speaking first. "James, I'm so sorry about everything. You know that I don't have anything against you! I told you last night I was just scared. I…" Kendall was cut off when James put his hand over his mouth making him shut up.

"I know…I heard what you said to Logan." James slowly dropped his hand making sure that Kendall wasn't going to speak before he continued. The look on his face was apologetic. "I'm sorry about what I did to you last night. I'm usually not like that but I guess all of the emotions I have felt over the last few months just built up inside of me and I couldn't control it anymore."

Kendall looked down at his feet and then finally spoke when he thought that James was done. "I know. You had every right, though. I shouldn't have ever acted like that." He knew that he kept repeating himself to James but he wanted to brunette to understand how guilty he truly was.

James nodded and said "Yeah, I understand. But we are both sorry and it's in the past so how about we just move on. Let's start from here." He paused and then smiled at Kendall before gently nudging him in the shoulder, "Friends?"

"Friends," Kendall said as he returned the smile. He felt himself blush at the look that James was giving him. He suddenly felt himself shaking his head trying to get his mind straight. Why was he blushing? Maybe it was just from the fact that he was still embarrassed about the way he had treated the boy.

They walked back to the table in silence. As they sat with Logan and Carlos again he could feel their eyes on them. Kendall looked up catching Logan's dark brown eyes and explained, "We are friends." He then looked at James with a smile and added, "No more fighting!"

The boys ate their breakfast in silence because they only had 10 minutes left until they had to be in formation for their morning run. The next day at their afternoon class they were to be learning CPR. Kendall remembered learning CPR when they had their health class back in 6th grade. He didn't really remember anything that he was supposed to learn from that class.

James leaned over and whispered in his ear as their teacher turned to write something on the board. "I hated CPR!" Kendall looked at him with a smile before he shook his head and scribbled notes that the teacher had just wrote on the board.

Soon enough they were set up to at their first aide tables with all the supply's spread out. They were instructed to have one person lay on the ground while the other practiced the different tourniquets on each other. Kendall went to tie it so that it was snug around James' neck and held his right arm in place. "Ow, ow, ow. Kendall. What the hell?" James said with a smile trying to get his arm loose from the sling. "Too tight!" he exclaimed when he couldn't get free.

"Ok, hold on!" Kendall said as he was trying to undo the not that he had in fact tied wrong. "I can't get it, James." Kendall started worry thinking that he was going to hurt him. James tried to lift it over his head but it was even too tight for that. He couldn't straighten his arm to pull it off either.

When their attempts were futile they both looked at Logan who was practicing on Carlos with ease. "Logan." Both boys said at the same time. When the Logan and Carlos looked up to see James tangled in the white fabric they both let out muffled laughs.

"Dude, what did you do to him?" Logan said as he inspected the knot that was against James neck. When he touched the skin on his neck James jumped back and said "Logan, your hands are freezing!" Logan looked down at him and said "Really, do you want to get out of this thing or not?" Logan said. This made James shut up. After a moment of Logan pulling on the fabric he said "Ok, we are gonna have to cut it off. Kendall whatever you did you tied it tight so tight that it won't come undone." Kendall groaned at the words not wanting to get off on the wrong foot with his teacher.

"Ok, thank you Logan." Kendall sighed and picked up the scissors that were in their kit as Logan turned his attention back to what he was doing with Carlos. "Ok James. Don't move I don't need to cut you." Kendall concentrated on cutting the fabric so that he didn't slip and hurt James. Kendall looked up when he noticed that James was staring at him. He didn't miss the blush that was on James' pale cheeks so he turned before James would see his confused look.

The fabric finally came loose and James sighed in relief. "Oh, thank God!" He rolled his shoulder and neck loosening the knot that had begun to form.

"Alright, I'm gonna go and get another piece from the teacher then you can try." As he turned to go to the teacher the look of the blush dancing across James' face was brought to his mind. He shook his head deciding that he was going to let it go. It probably meant nothing. As Kendall approached the teacher he looked up at him with a smile. "Sir, may I please have another sling? Ours ripped." He braced himself for what may or may not come next.

"Of course" the teacher said though before he handed Kendall the sling he added "Am I going to have any trouble with you over this course?" Kendall didn't know what to say so he just said "No sir. I am not going to be a problem sir."

"Good," the teacher said and handed him the sling. "Just remember Schmidt. You can't just come and get another one of these in the field." Kendall nodded and said "Yes, sir. I understand." And with that he headed back towards James.

James jumped off the table and allowed Kendall to take his spot. "Did we get into any trouble?" He asked with a concerned look on his face.

"No," Kendall said with a smile then added, "He seems pretty good."

"Cool," James said before he practiced on the other boy.

Later that night Kendall was lying in bed thinking. He couldn't fall asleep and he didn't know why so he turned to James who was on his left side facing Kendall though his eyes were closed. "James, are you awake?"

With a deep breath and his eyes still closed the boy answered "Yeah, Kendall."

"Can I ask you something?"

"Sure, anything." James said in a tired voice though Kendall ignored it.

"Why did you choose to do this? I mean join the military?"

James opened his eyes for the first time and looked at Kendall, "Because my mom said that either I join the military or she was going to kick me out of the house." He really didn't have any emotion in his voice that Kendall could detect.

"Why would she do that?" Kendall asked as he brought the blanket farther up his body and clutched it to his chest waiting for James' answer.

"Well, she had caught me and my friends doing drugs in a back alley just down the road from my house. She had actually caught us a couple of times. I guess when her punishments weren't doing the trick she got sick of it and then threatened." Kendall could see the boy shake his head through the dark.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know it was a touchy subject." Kendall said with a small amount of guilt in his voice.

"It's fine." James said before adding "otherwise I wouldn't have met you."

With this James rolled onto his other side hiding the hurt look on his face as he missed his mother no matter how hard she had been on him at times. Kendall rolled onto his back and sighed. Soon after he closed his eyes he was asleep.

**And that's it guys! Another chapter down! **** I know that this one was kind of boring but it was setting up Kendall and James' relationship! Tell me what you think in a review or a message please! **


	7. Chapter 7

The next few weeks went by uneventfully. Every day Kendall got up and marked off the calendar that hung on the cabinet between his and James' bed. He looked over at James and said "Hey, guess what?"

James stood after he had tied his shoe and looked over Kendall's shoulder and said "Whoa, we are already half way through this thing?" Kendall turned to face a shocked James and said "Hell yeah we are!"

He quickly hugged the other boy and gasped when he felt James' lips on the sensitive skin on his neck. He pulled back and nibbled his lower lip immediately looked down at their feet then said "Hey, we better get to breakfast before we get into trouble." He looked around their bunks noticing that there were only a few other boys in there besides himself and James. Logan and Carlos had left about 5 minutes earlier so he knew that they would be saving them some seats.

"Yeah, I guess you're right." James said his voice a little distant. When Kendall looked at him James smiled though Kendall could tell that there was something more. He decided to let it go, but only for now.

"Come on." He said before he started walking away and he heard James come after him.

They didn't talk as they prepared their breakfasts and then sat next to each other across from Logan and Carlos. It was silent for a while and Kendall felt that it was awkward so he said the first thing that came to mind. "How did everyone sleep?" as soon as the words left his lips he thought to his self 'How could I get any more lame?'

"Man, I slept so good last night! I had stayed up studying the night before for that stupid CPR test and after I took it yesterday I just wanted to pass out!" Carlos seemed so excited that he had actually gotten a good night's rest. Kendall had noticed that he usually tossed and turned a lot in his sleep.

Kendall nodded then looked up at Logan who sat across from him. When Logan caught his stare he said "Oh, yeah I slept ok but was I the only one that was FREEZING?" He practically yelled the last word which got a chuckle out of the rest of us.

"I wasn't cold at all last night. It seemed pretty comfortable to me." James said before taking a sip of water. He always drank three glasses of water at every meal. He said that it was better than eating a lot. Kendall understood what he meant but couldn't imagine that it was very satisfying.

As Kendall watched James bring the glass to his lips again he thought about how he had felt them again his neck. His hand immediately flew to the spot where they had made contact. He thought about how soft they had felt against his skin. He didn't know why he was thinking about it. James could have not even meant to do and had already forgotten about it but for some reason Kendall couldn't. He just thought that it was weird. Kendall shook his head.

That night Kendall lay in his bed staring at the ceiling with his hands intertwined behind his head. He slowly closed his eyes and was seconds from sleep when a voice pulled him back to consciousness. He didn't respond to it until he heard the voice coming from his right again. He turned his head to look at James who was watching him intently.

"What?" He said in a soft voice.

"I can't sleep. What about you?"

"I was almost asleep but its ok. What's wrong?" Kendall asked as he rolled onto his side and stared at the hazel eyed boy waiting for a response that was extremely delayed.

"Do you have a girlfriend back home?" His voice seemed distant but Kendall put it off as exhaustion.

His question kind of caught him off guard but he answered honestly. "No, I don't. I kinda had a rough break up when I told her that I was leaving for the military and that I wasn't interested in staying with her after I left." After he said that he thought to himself. 'Wow, way to make myself sound like the biggest dick in the universe!'

After James didn't respond to him he asked "What about you? Do you have a girl back home?"

He could see James nod his head before he responded, "Yeah, I do. But that is my problem. That night we got into a fight. Remember?" Before Kendall could respond James was talking again, "I was writing a letter to her. I sent it out a few days later and it's been almost three weeks and I still haven't gotten anything back from her. I'm kinda worried."

Kendall thought about his words then felt a small pang of jealously. 'I can't believe that I'm jealous that James has a girlfriend and I don't.' He pushed past this and said gently to his best friend "I don't know buddy. Maybe she just got busy with work and maybe school." Kendall didn't know anything about her but he thought about what girls his age would be doing at home. Mostly going to college or working.

"I don't know Ken. Maybe she is moving on!" He could feel James becoming more and more distressed as he thought about this.

Kendall thought about what he was going to say next knowing that it had to diffuse his friend's heat. "Hey, maybe her letter got lost in the mail. How about tomorrow you write her again and see if she responds to that one. Don't jump to conclusions James." Kendall was proud of himself when he heard the brunette whisper back to him.

"Yeah, maybe you are right. I think I will do that tomorrow." That reminded Kendall that he hadn't answered his mothers and sisters last letter that he had received last week. With that James rolled onto his back into the same position that Kendall had been in before they had their conversation. Kendall returned to the same position and thought to the ceiling. He thought about how him and James' relationship had come so far. They were like brothers. They talked about so many things. Kendall then thought about how they had a conversation every single night before the slept.

Kendall let his eyes flutter shut for the second time that night and fell into sleep thinking about what he was going to tell his mom and sister in the letter he was going to write them tomorrow. He wanted to tell them about Carlos and Logan but he really wanted them to know about his best friend.

**OK guys. Let me know what you think! I need more reviews because I want to know if this story is worth continuing. Thanks! **


	8. Chapter 8

"Dude, I can't do this. I can't. It's nothing against you but it's not gonna happen. I can't." James was doing small circles in front of Kendall when their teacher finally came up to them. Kendall watched helplessly with a small smile on his face at his friend's discomfort.

"Is there a problem here boys?" their teacher asked when James finally stopped in front of him. They are supposed to have at least some composure in front of their teachers but James showed none. "Sir, I'm sorry but I can't do this. I can't do needles." He was practically hyperventilating. His chest rose rapidly as he talked.

Their teacher reached out and put his hand on James' shoulder trying, without success, to console the boy. "It's just a little bit of blood son."

James kept shaking his head. Kendall watched at their teacher got stern when the soft approach didn't work. "Diamond! Straighten up right now son! Either you let Kendall take you blood or you fail and go home to New York! Do you understand me?"

With this James calmed thinking about how he was being threatened to go home to a mother that didn't want him and a girlfriend that may not want him either. "Yes, sir," James said as he gained some of that composure.

"Very good," the teacher said before he turned to check on Logan and Carlos. When Kendall turned his attention to them he came to James' side and said "Look, Carlos is letting Logan draw his blood. You can do it too!" James eyed his cautiously.

"Come on!" Kendall grabbed him by the shoulders and sat him down in the chair and had him place his right arm on the table next to him anterior side up. Kendall thought back to what they were taught on the manikins. As he pulled out the tubing and the vials that the blood would flow into he looked up at James who was watching him with a terrified look.

"James, look at me!" Kendall heard Carlos say to the boy taking his attention off of Kendall.

"Good, James. Look at Carlos. I'm going to do this fast." When Kendall had felt for the spot that he found the best vein in the other boys arm he looked at him again placing his finger on the spot so he didn't lose it. "Carlos, talk to him!" Kendall said and smirked as Logan looked at Carlos as if he blinked the entire world would come crashing down upon them.

Kendall slowly moved the needle to the spot where his finger had been and he listened as James' breath quicken again. Kendall heard Carlos start to ask all the questions that first came to his mind such as "Did you dream last night? Tell me about it." Or "Can you believe we only have a month left here?" James was in the middle of a sentence when the needle slipped under the perfect flesh of the inside of his elbow. A high pitch moan came from his mouth as he bit down on his lip and tears filled his eyes his head falling back though Kendall didn't hesitate before a steady flow flooded from the vein.

Quickly he removed the needle from James' skin and he placed a small piece of tissue over the small dab of blood and applied pressure.

James looked into Kendall's emerald eyes and smiled with tears still threatening to spill. Kendall's hear broke into two and he pulled James into a hug. "You ok buddy?"

James held onto Kendall and nodded into his shoulder. "I'm fine. You did good, I barely felt it."

Kendall pulled back and smiled into those hazel eyes and said "Good! Are you sure you can stand?" thinking about the way the boy in front of him was visibly shaking. "Yeah, give me just a moment." James replied taking in a few deep breaths. Once Logan had finished on Carlos they both came over and Carlos rubbed James back saying "You survived!"

"Yeah, Kendall decided to spare me this time!" He played making the situation sound more dramatic that it really was. This pulled a laugh from them all. James jumped off the chair which was replaced by Kendall and he showed the belly of his arm. James quickly drew the red liquid on his second try and watched it flow into the vial. He felt like a child after watching Kendall sit there like nothing was even happening. He just shook his head as he applied the tissue to the spot where he had removed the needle and smiled at Kendall saying "All done, champ!"

Kendall hopped off the stool and patted James on the back. "Good job buddy, I didn't feel a thing!"

"Kendall! I don't know what to say!" James' voice was filled with frustration as he tried to come up with the words to put on the paper to his girlfriend whose name was Erin.

Kendall sat at the end of James' bed writing the letter to his family back in Michigan. Kendall met the irritated boys glare when he hadn't answered him right away. "I don't know, James." He paused before adding. "Make it sound innocent though. Like you don't suspect anything because you don't know what happened. Though, make sure you put in there somewhere that you haven't heard from her in a while." James nodded his agreement before scribbling quickly across the paper.

Once Kendall had finished his letter he climbed to his bed and put the letter into an envelope and licked it before sealing it. He looked over at Logan who had agreed to deliver all of their letters at the same time in the morning. "Here ya go!" Kendall said handing the smaller boy the envelope.

"Thanks, these are leaving first thing in the morning" the brunette said before sliding down in his bed and closing his eyes before lights were even turned out.

"Lame!" Carlos yelled at Logan who didn't respond and just like that the lights went out. Carlos sighed before sliding under his covers as well.

"James. Are you almost done?" Kendall asked.

"Yeah, hold on I'll be right back." With that James went to the bathroom.

Kendall rolled his eyes and settled into his bed as well. About five minutes later James came back with the sealed envelope.

"Logan, Logan put this with the rest so you don't lose it." Kendall opened his eyes and looked to his left and saw James leaning over Logan.

"Dude!" Logan groaned at him and took the envelope from his hands and put it in the pile under his bed. "Will you please to go sleep now?" Logan said to James while trying to get comfortable again.

"Yes," James said and added "Good night Logan."

"Good night James"

Kendall had his eyes closed when he felt James' hand brush harshly across his chest catching him off guard. "Really James? I was comfortable." Kendall complained his body now tense. "Why don't you go wake up Carlos while you're at it?"

"Don't touch me," They heard Carlos' deep voice rumble from his pillow.

James and Kendall suppressed a laugh as they settled back down and went to sleep.

**I know it's kind of a weak chapter but please let me know what you think. If you have any suggestions and Please, Please tell me if it's worth me to keep working on. I'm debating whether or not I'm going to finish it so I need you guys to review or send me a message and tell me what you are thinking. **


	9. Chapter 9

"Logan, I can't figure this out! I don't know what I'm doing. Our test is tomorrow!" Carlos' voice rose an octave as he threw his pencil down onto the bed. The four boys had pushed Kendall and Logan's bed together so that they could all sit in a circle together.

Logan leaned over and said "Carlos, calm down. You're going to do fine on this test. What don't you get?"

As they went back and forth about what Carlos didn't understand Kendall looked up at James who was going through flash cards about how to do different sutures. "How are you doing James? Do you think you're getting it?"

As he finished the small stack he had in his hands he looked up at Kendall with a nervous smile and said "Yeah, what about you?"

"I'm good. Though, I can't believe that this is the last week before we get sent out to a base for real work."

"Yeah, but you do know that we will most likely be stuck in a hospital here for at least a few months before we are sent overseas."

"Yeah, but isn't that a good thing? I mean think about it, James! Would you be able to handle the stress of being sent onto the front lines as soon as we leave here? It's not like when they shot blanks around us. Those guns could kill us!" Kendall went on a rant. He felt the stress explode in his chest and the fear that he didn't know he was feeling knowing that he was going to be leaving this safe place soon to another new place that he knew nothing about.

"Kendall, calm down!" James said putting his hands out in front of him hoping that Kendall would just take a deep breath, "Breath!"

Kendall took in a deep breath, "Ok, I'm ok. Let's just study for a few more minutes before the lights get turned off on us."

"Damn. I've never seen you get so upset over nothing!" Logan said as he let out a breathy laugh and nudged Kendall's arm. "You gonna survive buddy?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. I think the test is getting to all of us." Kendall said then added more for himself than for the other three, "Remember, we have three chances to get an 80% on this test before we have to take the entire 90 days over again."

"Yes, everything is going to be ok guys! Don't freak out. And! Always go with your first instinct. Don't second guess yourself." Carlos said thinking about what his mother had always told him before he had to take a test. He felt a pang in his chest as he thought about how much he missed his family. He even missed his dog!

"You ok Carlos?" James asked looking at the Latino that had a hurt expression on his face.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I just miss my family." He said his eyes staying hidden behind his long dark lashes.

"I know dude. We all miss our families. Right guys?" Kendall said trying to cheer up his friend.

"Right," The other two said in unison. "Now let's get to bed. It's going to be a busy afternoon tomorrow and we will need our rest."

They replaced Kendall and Logan's beds to where they had originally been before they all put their books away and laid down for the first time in a few days before the lights went off. "Good night guys." Kendall said rolling onto his left side.

The boys stood outside of the class room waiting for their teacher to arrive and unlock the door before they could go in and take a seat. "I'm so nervous!" Logan said for the first time admitting that he was freaking out, at least a little bit.

"We are all going to be fine." Kendall said as the teacher pushed through them and opened the door. The four boys sat side by side as the teacher passed out the test and told them all "You all have one hour to complete this exam. If you do not pass you will have two more chances to take it again to be able to graduate on Saturday. You may begin"

With that the room dove into their tests. It wasn't exactly what Kendall was expecting but he thought that he had done ok. He didn't know that there were going to be essay questions but he breezed through them. As he closed his packet and put down his pencil he looked at James, Logan, and Carlos, who were all still writing.

Kendall leaned back and relaxed at his desk letting his head fall back. He looked at the clock that signaled there were only three minutes left. As he watched the second hand he became more and more anxious just wanting to turn this test in so that it can be graded and they find out what their near futures will come to.

"Ok, seal and bring your packets to me immediately." The man stood at the front of the room and waited. Kendall stood and James joined him in the line as they waited.

"How do you think you did?" James' voice sounded indifferent and Kendall immediately felt bad. He knew how much James had studied.

"I think I did ok. Did you know that there were going to be essay questions?" James shook his head to his question as he handed over his test and waited for Kendall to do the same.

"No. I never heard anything about it. Though, I think I did ok on that part." James said his voice perking up a bit. They took their seats again and waited for the teacher to collect all of their papers.

"Ok. Now I expect all of you to come here tonight at 1600 to find a piece of paper attached to the door." He pointed to the door behind them. "It will have the last four digits of your Social Security Number and you will have a P or F next to it signaling if you have passed or failed."

With that they were dismissed for dinner. They talked about how the test went for each of them and to no surprise Logan was the most confident with his work. Dinner was filled with worry as they watched the time closely. It was 7:00 when they had made it back to their beds and James and Carlos decided to take a shower to pass the time while Kendall and Logan stayed at their beds.

After James and Carlos had walked away talking about God knows what Kendall looked over to Logan to find him pulling a book out from under his bed. He wrote in it every night. At first Kendall thought that he was writing letters every night, but EVERY night? No.

"Logan, what are you writing?" Kendall asked as he watched the boy.

"Oh. I know this is gonna sound stupid but I…"He trailed off and looked at me and said "don't judge me….ok?" Kendall nodded "Well, it's kinda like a diary. I just write my last thoughts of the day in it before I go to sleep. Though right now I have a lot of nerves and it helps me to put them on paper so I can leave them behind."

Kendall nodded then said "That isn't something to be ashamed of. I have had times where I can't handle all the thoughts in the head and I have to release them."

"Thanks Ken." Kendall smiled when he heard Logan say that. Almost like giving him a nickname.

"Any time buddy." Kendall leaned back on his bed and asked "Hey, can you wake me up when James and Carlos get back. I just can't think too much about this test."

"Sure." Logan said as he started to scribble.

"Kendall, wake up its 740. We need to get going. Maybe the paper will be up early." Kendall's eyes opened and met Logan's dark ones. He sat up and hung his legs over the side of the bed.

He stood and they all walked out of the room. The walk to the class room in the building next to theirs wasn't long enough. Kendall was so freaked out to find how he had done. Just one little letter could change everything. Maybe not this time around really, but in the close future it could.

** Ok guys. Let me know what you think please! Send me a message or leave a review. You don't understand how much your thoughts mean to me. **


	10. Chapter 10

"Ok guys. This is it! Are you ready?" James said as he looked at the sheet of paper on the door in front of them.

"Who wants to go first?" Kendall said as he looked between them.

Carlos took a step back. "Not me! I don't want to know just yet."

"You can go first Kendall." James said patting him on the back and Logan nodded in agreement.

"…Ok. Fine, I'll look first." Kendall turned from them and walked up to the sheet on the door. He scanned the grades and saw about 6 F's out of 25. His heart began to pound in his chest. He looked at the numbers on the left side of the sheet and used his finger to find the four last numbers of his SSN.

When he found hit he paused, then dragged his fingertip across the sheet to the one letter that meant so much to them all in this moment. He let out the breath that he was holding to the point of pain when he saw a big P next to his name. He double, then triple checked to make sure he wasn't looking at the wrong person.

He turned with the biggest smile spread across his face that he has had in a while.

"Me next!" James almost screamed as he used his fist to push past Kendall. He had Kendall's shirt balled in his fist when he looked at him shock covering his face. "I passed!"

He pulled Kendall into a hug that he soon returned after the shock. They were both laughing until Carlos said "This isn't over yet, lovebirds!" James and Kendall stepped apart both blushing as Carlos and Logan went up to the sheet together and at the same time they turned around and leaned against the wall and sighed. "We passed! Let's see how many people didn't!"

"Is that necessary? I would hate to be one of those F's" Logan said slapping Carlos' shoulder.

"Yes, because it will make me feel better about myself." Logan rolled his eyes as he directed his attention back to James and Kendall. "Well, now that we know how we did I am happy to say that we can go back to our beds! And I want a shower."

They all nodded. As they were walking out they saw a group of guys coming into the door. They all looked just as nervous as they had been just minutes before. James smiled at them and Logan said "Good luck." Not that they needed luck at this point.

An hour later they were all ready for bed though lights wouldn't go out until about another 45 minutes. Carlos and Logan sat on Logan's bed while James and Kendall sat on Kendall's. They were talking and reading letters that they had received from their families that day.

James was going through the three envelopes in his hand when he gasped. "Kendall, she sent me one! I got a letter from Erin!" He ripped it open with excitement. "Maybe you were right about me just not getting the other one." Kendall smiled as James pulled the paper out of the envelope and began to read it, his smile soon faded and his brow began to furrow. He shook his head as he started to say "What, what? Kendall." Kendall leaned forward now becoming very concerned. He already had an idea of what had happened, though he didn't want it to be true. The one thing that Kendall hated more than anything was his friends and family being hurt.

"James." Kendall said in a strained voice hoping that James wouldn't do anything unpredictable. James jumped up from the bed and began to pace. He threw the paper in Kendall's lap and said "Yeah, read that. Tell me what you think!"

_Jamie, _

_ You know that I love you more than anything. I we have spent 3 long years together and nothing has ever come between us, but I think that this just may be too much. We gave each other everything and I understand that you are going to be hurt but I need to do this before this gets out of hand. I am so proud of you and I support your decision of going into the marines but I can't take the distance. I have met someone. He is here with me and you're not. I'm sorry James, but we can't be together anymore. _

_ I love you so much and always will_

_ Erin _

Kendall stood leaving the sheet of paper on the bed and stood in front of James stopping him from pacing. "James, I'm so sorry. I wasn't expecting this. At all." Kendall reached out and put his hand on James' shoulder. "How about you read what your mom had to say. Yeah?" James nodded before they both went back to Kendall's bed.

They looked at Logan and Carlos who were watching James intently. "I'm sorry dude" Carlos said as he looked back down at what he was reading. Logan looked away to not knowing what to say to his friend being so broken up.

James took the piece of paper and put it back in the envelope leaving it on the bed.

That night after the lights had gone out Kendall tried to sleep though he was so worried about James. The look on his face had been of hurt and fear. He was worried about the brunette. He thought back to the letter and how it had said they had been together for three years. 'That is a hell of a long time!' Kendall thought to himself. He had been in a few relationships himself but the longest last one had only been six months. He couldn't imagine breaking up after 6 YEARS.

About a half an hour had gone by since lights were out and everything had gone silent until Kendall heard a soft sob coming from his right. He rolled onto his side and saw James in a ball facing away from him. Kendall could see his body shaking from the light that came from the bathroom. Kendall stood and noticed that once he made a sound James went still, almost as if he were holding his breath. Kendall pushed his bed to James' and got some protest at the sound the bed made moving across the tile floor. Once their beds were together Kendall climbed back in and laid on his right side facing James who then turned onto his back and looked at Kendall.

"What are you doing?" He asked trying to make his voice steady but Kendall could still tell it wasn't strong. He could see the tears that were still stained on the boys' skin.

"James you were crying." Kendall whispered to him. At this James broke again and he rolled onto his left side facing Kendall. He reached across their beds and grabbed one of Kendall's hands and began to sob uncontrollably. Kendall scooted closer to him and whispered "James, it's going to be ok. We are here for you. Me, Logan, and Carlos. We all love you." The words didn't seem to faze James at all. Kendall didn't know what to say or do so he let the boy cry. He watched him and stroked the back of his hand with his thumb. After five minutes or so James calmed down and looked at Kendall and said "I'm sorry. I shouldn't be acting so fucking pathetic. You have nothing to do with this and you're the one here with me." James quickly wiped the tears from his face with his free hand. "Thank you."

"Hey, don't mention it. That what friends are for right? To support each other." Kendall said with a small smile. James nodded. "Good night buddy." Kendall said before closing his eyes. And with that they fell asleep.

**Alrighty guys! Another chapter down! Please tell me what you think! It means a lot to me!**


	11. Chapter 11

Kendall was lying on his stomach with his arms curled under his chest when he felt something on his face. He didn't open his eyes but then he felt it again and this time he smelt the sweet minty smell of tooth paste. He opened his eyes to see James' face just inches from his own. He jumped with a high pitched squeal and landed on the floor bringing his blankets with him. Logan jumped out of his own bed and looked down at Kendall who was slowly getting up. It was about 2 in the morning so all the lights were still out. James sat up and looked at Kendall who was just now standing up.

"I forgot that we had put our beds together last night and was NOT expecting to see you when I opened my eyes." Kendall was still trying to calm himself and glared at Carlos when he heard his giggles.

James also laughed and said "Sorry dude."

Logan sat back on his bed, covered up, then whispered to Carlos, "And these are the people we chose to be friends with?" They both laughed once more before setting back into sleep.

Kendall sat back down on his bed that was still connected to James'. "You ok? I mean from last night?" James' small smile left his face as if he had forgotten about why their beds had been together.

"Oh, yeah. I'll be fine. I've got you guys now." He smiled again though Kendall could tell he was still hurting.

"Just think about the life that you are going to have here." Kendall smiled at him and patted him on the back. He then pulled his bed back to where it had originally been. "Good night James. Wake me up if you need anything."

James and Logan headed off to the showers before breakfast while Carlos and Kendall stayed at their beds had showering last night. Kendall thought about James and how their faces had been so close last night. It was kind of weird. Kendall didn't understand his feelings towards the boy but he wanted to always be there for him when he was hurt or needed someone to talk to. Kendall had thought he was being a protective best friend but he felt a strange feeling every time he thought about the brunette boy.

He was shaken from his thoughts when Carlos spoke to him. "Kendall, you ok man? You look a little off?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. I'm just hoping that James is going to be ok now that his girlfriend of I guess three years broke it off."

"I know, I heard about that. It must be hard on him. But he should be fine. There are plenty of girls that he can meet here." He looked around the room seeing it filled with all men. "Ok. Maybe not here but we know that there will be women when we go to a hospital."

"Yeah, he is tough. He will make it." Kendall said thinking about James getting another girlfriend and then him spending all of his spare time with her and not with Kendall. He shook his head not wanting to look too much into his weird thoughts.

"Hey, can I ask you something? I mean you don't have to answer if you don't want to but I just want to know…out of curiosity." Kendall eyed him oddly willing the Latino boy to continued, "Well, I mean. I was just wondering….Are you gay?"

Kendall paused. He was not expecting that question at all. He didn't even know how to respond. He didn't think he was. He had had multiple girlfriends, though; none of them had lasted very long. He shook his head and let out a lost, breathy laugh, "No, Carlos. I am not gay." He then felt uncomfortable and wanted to turn the subject "Are you?!"

Carlos looked down at the ground and let out the same kind of laugh, "No, I don't think so." He blushed a little and Kendall just looked at him, "I might be bi, though I'm not really sure. Though, I do know that I do like girls."

Well, this conversation had not been on Kendall's to do list today but he was glad that Carlos hadn't asked him in front of Logan and James….especially James. 'Maybe I'm like Carlos and just Bi. I had never really thought about that before.' Kendall thought to himself.

"Ok, no biggy dude. Nothing to worry about."

Then Carlos jumped up and moved around the bed to sit next to Kendall an almost panicked look on his face. "You know you can't tell anyone. I know that Obama had pulled the 'don't ask, don't tell' rule but we still don't know how people will feel about it in the military."

Kendall shook his head at him, "No, Carlos. They have a right to judge us but they cannot punish us for our sexuality or discharge us anymore. They have to treat us all exactly the same now. Fuck them if they don't like it. We are allowed to be with whoever we want, military or not!"

Carlos thought this over for a second before he responded, "Ok, I guess you're right but you can't tell anyone. At least not yet, not even Logan knows."

"Your secret is safe with me!" Kendall said as he pretended to zip his lips and through away the key.

Just then Logan and James walk up behind them and James asks "What are you two all hushy-hushy about?" He shook his head making little droplets of water go every direction. The other three boys put their hands in front of their faces stopping the water.

"Really…I was standing right next to you." Logan said with a smile as he used his towel to wipe off the left side of his face.

Kendall jumped off the bed and grabbed the towel that was around James' neck and threw it over his head and rubbed his hair tangling it. "Hey, hey! My hair Kendall!" Kendall laughed at the brunette's distress over his hair. James walked over to their shared cabinet and grabbed his comb dragging it through his hair. "Was that necessary?" He asked with a pouting look.

Kendall just laughed again before saying. "Let's go eat. We only have three more days before we leave this place once and for all!"

** I'm hoping that things will pick up in the next chapter or next! Please review and tell me if you have any suggestions! **


	12. Chapter 12

It was Wednesday and they would be leaving Friday afternoon after their graduation, which really was just them all standing in a line getting a pin put on their uniforms for finally becoming a corpsmen.

"Hey, you," James said as Kendall sat on his bed drying his hair in nothing but white boxers and a t-shirt.

"Well, good morning sunshine!" Kendall said to him "You were still passed out when I got up to take a shower."

"I know I didn't sleep to good last night."

"Why not?" Kendall asked and gave him a sympathetic look.

"I don't know. I guess I am just confused." He then shook his head and added, "But it's nothing. No worries!"

As soon as the tall brunette said he was "confused" Kendall's mind instantly wandered to the night before last when him and James had their beds together and how they had fallen asleep holding hands. But James was upset. So what if he wanted to hold his hand. And when their faces were so close together when they woke up they were asleep they wouldn't have done that if they had been awake. But then Kendall remembered a while back when James had hugged Kendall after they found out they were halfway through the program. He touched his neck where he remembered James' lips on the sensitive spot.

"James you can talk to me. It's fine." Kendall said knowing he was pressing but he wanted to know what the boy was talking about. What was going on in his mind.

"It's nothing. I'm just tired I guess. Let's get ready or else we are going to miss breakfast." Kendall dropped it and threw on his clothes. He hated these clothes. They all wore the same thing all the time, black gym shorts with a black t-shirt.

As he stood straight after tying his shoes he looked into James' hazel eyes and said, "Hey, seriously. If you ever want to talk about ANYTHING you can always talk to me."

"I know. Thanks Kenny." Kendall rolled his eyes at the nick name he had just been called and pushed James as they walked towards the doors leading to breakfast. "You know what?! Have you noticed how Logan and Carlos leave us almost every single morning! I don't know how they get ready so fast!"

"They said that we are slow. Plus they usually always shower at night while I shower in the morning and you are just lazy and want to lie in bed for as long as possible." Kendall smiled as he tease him.

"Hey! If I get a chance to lie in a warm bed I'm going to take it." They both laughed a little as they got in line to gather their food.

"Carlos! Wait!" Kendall ran up to Carlos and put his hand on his arm stopping him from going into the shower room. "Sit!"

Carlos looked at him as he slowly sat on his bed while Kendall sat on Logan's facing the Latino boy. "Dude, what the hell, are you ok?"

"Yeah I'm fine but I need to ask you a huge favor." Kendall looked at him as he slowly started to calm down. "Where are Logan and James?"

"They're in the shower. What's up?" Carlos asked him now a little worried about what this could be.

"Well you know how you asked me if I were gay?" Kendall said leaning into the boy and dropping his voice to a whisper.

"Yeah, what of it?" Carlos asked eyeing the boy suspiciously.

"Well, I want you to do the same thing with James. I just want to know. There have been a few small things that make me think just maybe he is. Or at least bi."

"Um. Ok sure. I guess I can. Why do you think he is?"

"Because this morning we were talking after you and Logan had gone to breakfast and he seemed a little weird so I asked him what was wrong and he said he was confused but he wouldn't tell me anything else. I know that I'm probably just jumping to conclusions but I couldn't be straight forward like you. Plus, when we were half way done here he gave me and hug and I think he kinda kissed my neck. Though, once again that could have been an accident and I'm just jumping to conclusions." Once Kendall stopped he was breathing heavy after not stopping for air.

"Wow…Ok I guess I can ask him." Carlos looked at him with a quizzical look and then asked "why do you want to know?"

This stopped Kendall. He was not expecting this question. "Um… Well, you know how you had asked me? And I said I was straight. Well now I don't know. I mean I'm not exactly attracted to any guys but I think I might like James maybe just a little and if I know that he is straight then that might help me…I guess. Just promise me you won't tell him that I am the one wanting to know."

"Sure, sure. You can trust me!"

"Thank you so much 'Los. I owe you big time!" Kendall said as he walked back to his cabinet to grab the things he needed for his afternoon.

Kendall watched as James went into the showers and he quickly moved to where Carlos was resting. He had been thinking about this all day

"Hey, did you talk to him." Kendall said in a hushed voice.

Carlos just smiled at him. "Carlos, what did he say?"

Carlos sat up and simply said "He doesn't know."

"WHAT!" He immediately looked around taking in the few stares he was getting before he turned back to Carlos and returned to his hushed tone. "What do you mean he doesn't know?!"

"Well, do you know?" Carlos said and when Kendall just stared at him like he had seen a ghost he nodded. "That's what I thought" Carlos just laughed when Kendall tried to find his words.

"Well, I mean. What? What does that even mean?" Kendall stammered .

"He is just like you, confused. He doesn't know if he is gay or straight or what!" Carlos said trying to defend James. "He needs time just like you do. Don't push him, Kendall." With that Carlos laid back on his pillow and pointed towards James who was walking out of the bathroom laughing with Logan.

** Tell me what you think guys! Review or message me! **


	13. Chapter 13

_James leaned forward and pressed his lips against the base of Kendall's neck making the blonde release a breathy moan. James pushed him up again the gray cabinet, that they shared making it sound in protest. The blonde pulled on James' hair bringing him back to look him in the eyes before he pushed his lips against the brunettes muffling his moans. Kendall pushed James on to the bed to his left and climbed on top of him bringing James' shirt with him. James smiled at him before flipping them so that he was once again dominating. _

_ "James, ugh." Kendall managed these few words to escape his lips before he received a forceful kiss. _

_ As James pulled his lips away from the blonde he let out heavy breaths as he brought his thigh up to rub against Kendall's bulge. _

"JAMES!"

"WHAT?"

Their voices rang through the silent hall then echoed off the white walls. They were both sitting straight up in their beds looking around them. Their hearts pounding as their breaths were rapid.

"James, what are you doing awake?" Kendall said looking at him ignoring the people moving in their beds around them.

"I couldn't sleep. Why did you yell at me?" James said exasperated.

"I…I don't know! I guess it was just a dream!" Kendall said as he recalled what he had just dreamt. He moved his arm to cover the pain between his legs.

"Shut up! I'm trying to sleep!" Logan said as he threw his pillow missing Kendall completely and hitting James square in the face before he rolled onto his stomach.

"Logan! I have to pee!" James yelled at the other boy before throwing the pillow back on his bed and practically jogged to the bathroom. Logan sat up on his for arms and called "Really!" after James before picking up his pillow that was now on the floor.

Kendall rolled back on his side facing Logan letting out a deep growl.

"Kendall, what the hell was up with last night?" James said as he watched Carlos and Logan walking ahead of them.

"I…I don't know. I was just dreaming! It was more like a nightmare." Kendall lied as a blush danced across his cheeks thinking about how he had, in fact, enjoyed his dream. When he saw James watching him out of the corner of his eyes he looked into his hazel ones and said "What? Why are you staring at me?"

"Because you're lying to me, you wouldn't be blushing like that if you weren't."

"No, I just don't want you to get hurt! You got shot in my dream, James. I don't want to lose you. You're my best friend!" Kendall said as he thought about how lame that sounded. He mentally slapped himself.

"Aww, come here you freak!" James said as he wrapped his arm around Kendall's neck and messed up his hair with the other. Kendall struggled against him until he finally let go.

"Was that necessary?" Kendall said as he ran his fingers through his bangs multiple times.

"Yes, because you care." James smiled.

"Ugh…please." Kendall sighed before he giggled. (Yes, giggled.)

"What the hell?!" Carlos exclaimed as he landed roughly on the end of Kendall's bed pushing over his feet.

"What do you want Carlos?" Kendall said knowing that this was going to be another talk about last night.

"What happened? With James I mean. Last night?" Carlos said not even knowing what questions to ask first.

"I was dreaming Carlos." Kendall thought for a moment before giving in knowing his hyper Latino friend was NOT going to give up, "We were kissing in my dream. But shhh. I told him he had gotten shot! Don't tell him anything! Not even Logan."

"Ok, fine, whatever. Kendall. Why did you scream his name? You scared the shit out of me!" Carlos asked a question that Kendall had not wanted to answer.

"We were making out! I don't know. It just happened. I couldn't help it. And the worst part is, is that he was awake! Carlos. He was awake and heard me say that! I just hope that I didn't say anything before." Kendall went on a small rant starting to panic all over again.

"Calm down buddy. He didn't say anything to me. Though, you might want to check with Logan!" Carlos said nodding.

"Well, that's good I guess."

"Well good luck with that. Its…" Carlos looked at the clock that was at the end of the hall "9:56" Lights off soon.

As if on cue Logan and James came through the doors at the end from their jog. Why they were jogging at night Kendall didn't know. Though, he wasn't one to question people today.

"Alright children! Stand still while these lovely people take your measurement to make sure that your uniforms still fit you perfectly before you leave us to do bigger and badder things!" the man that was only a year or two older than them screamed. "Your last day is tomorrow and tonight you will find out where you will be going. You got lucky because you will all only be going to two different places, Hawaii or New York!"

"Well, that was depressing." Logan said as he looked at the sheet of paper saying that he was going to New York. "Don't even look because we are all going there!" He said as he pushed past them.

"Hey, I'm from New York!" James said as if he were offended.

"Yeah, and that's great and all but it's not nearly as great as Hawaii. When it's NOVEMBER! It's cold there! I'm from Texas! It's not cold in Texas!"

"Oh. It can't be that bad, Logan." Kendall interjected. "We will be fine. I'm from Michigan. It's not that bad there."

"Ehh. It can be pretty nasty." James said not helping his case.

"We will all be fine guys!" Carlos said after double checking that he was, in fact, going to New York. "Look at the bright side! We are all going together. Right?" This earned him some smiles and a pat on the back.

"Let's get our beauty sleep before we freeze our asses off tomorrow." Kendall said changing out of the clothes he had worn that day.

**Tell me what you think you all! Message or Review. I appreciate it all! **


	14. Chapter 14

**I know that my facts are not all entirely correct. I hope you enjoy the chapter and let me know what you think of it! **

"Men, just let me say now that I am not going to lie to you. This job is one of the most dangerous yet honorable and important jobs someone could have in our military. You will be going out on the front lines to help the men that are fallen and injured. If you cannot go through with this profession take a step forward and you will be dismissed and go home." A large man said while pacing in front of the line of men standing at attention.

No one stepped forward.

They stood at attention as a man unceremoniously pinned a small gold pin to their chests signifying that they are now officially corpsmen. Kendall took in deep breaths as he stared over the man's shoulder receiving his pin.

"You will all be given three minutes to talk to your families a piece so make sure you don't forget to give them the address you have received for them to send your phone or any other small devices, also a pair of street clothes. Make sure it all fits in a small box."

"Hey, mom, it's me." Kendall spoke into the phone after his mother had picked up the other end. He had to pull the phone away from his ear after his mother let out a shriek of happiness. "Hi, mom," He whispered back to him mom again.

"Honey, how are you doing?" His mother asked in a concerned voice.

"I called to tell you that I passed and I need you to send my phone and ipod to New York for me. And pack me a pair of street clothes."

"Oh, my GOD! That is amazing honey! You're going to New York!" She said and Kendall smiled as he heard his little sister in the back ground.

"Mom, let me talk to Katie." He said feeling his heart break for his family.

"Hello?" Katie's voice rang through the phone.

"Hi, baby sister. How you holding up?" Kendall asked the young teen.

"Kendall! I'm doing great. How about you? You ok?" She asked in a high pitched, excited voice.

"I'm OK. Excited to be going to New York."

"Oh, it's so cold there!" She said and Kendall laughed as he looked at Logan who was on the phone next to him.

"Yeah, that's what I've heard. Alright, I gotta go. I love you sis. Let me say good bye to mom." He heard them passing the phone between them and his mom's voice. He gave her the address of the camp he would next be going to tomorrow and hung up the phone. His heart ached for his family but he knew that they would be ok. He knew that this was what was best for him and that they could all make it through this.

"Let's get going guys. Buses leave at 1 and it is already 1230!" Kendall said as he finished stuffing his things in the bag that had been provided for them.

"Alright, I think I'm ready!" Logan said as he closed his and Carlos' cabinet.

"Let's go." Carlos patted his bed and quietly added, "I'm going to miss this little place…"

"Come on 'Los." James said as he put his arm around the boy's shoulder and led him out the doors. Kendall and Logan just shared a glance as they followed behind the other two.

Kendall took his seat next to James as he rested his head on the back of the seat closing his eyes not wanting to wonder what was coming next knowing it would just make him more nervous than he needed to be. He opened his eyes when he felt a hand on his thigh.

"Hey, you ok?" James asked when his eyes met Kendall's emerald ones.

"Yeah, I'm fine, just a little nervous." Kendall said with a smile. He looked down at James' hand that still rested on his leg.

After a moments delay James flinched and pulled his hand back to himself and lightly blushed.

Kendall opened his eyes when he heard bickering in front of him.

"No, Carlos! Batman is WAY better than superman!"

"Logan. Superman is a badass! His only weakness is kryptonite! Batman can't even fly!"

"And that is why Batman is a badass! He can beat any villain without having to fly away! He's got all the power in his fist." Logan countered.

This went on for about another half out before he turned to James seeing he was still asleep with his head resting against the window. Kendall was suddenly thinking about what Carlos had told him. James had said he didn't know if he were gay or not. He might be bi. He did have a girlfriend before he came here. What if he was straight and the question just took him off guard and Kendall had just been taking these few incidences too far? It could always be a possibility. Kendall's heart races as he thought about what he was about to do. He knew that if James woke up it would seem like nothing if Kendall were asleep but it still got his nerves going. He slowly leaned to his right and rested his head on James' broad shoulders. When James didn't move and his breathing stayed steady Kendall relaxed as he fell asleep on the dark bus listening to his bickering friends in front of him.

**I know it's a bit of a shorter chapter but let me know what you all think of it! **


	15. Chapter 15

When Kendall opened his eyes his head was still resting on James' shoulder while James had his cheek resting against Kendall's hair. Kendall shook James' leg and when the boy began to wake Kendall woke up. "James, were here buddy."

The bus emptied in almost complete silence, though, it was a calm silence as the sleepy men unloaded. It was going on 3 o'clock so they had a few more hours of rest before they were going to tour the camp in the morning and be assigned their work schedules. They were ushered off to a building that looked almost identical to the one that they had just left. They climbed into beds and left their bags on the floor beside them.

A bell rang loudly through the sleeping quarters and Kendall opened his eyes with a jolt and felt his heart slowly reaching normal again. He stood up along with the others to watch a young guy come into the room and he said "Ok, men. We have breakfast at 0530 and it is currently 0500. We will meet back here after breakfast at 0615. Got it?"

"Yes, sir," was a solid answer.

The man turned on his heels and exited. As they opened their cabinets to empty their bags they said neatly arranged were clothes for them. They had day clothes, workout clothes, and work clothes; there were two pairs of each. Though, there was a spot for their uniforms and a spot for street clothes.

"I want a shower." Carlos said as he finished perfectly putting his things away. The other three nodded in their agreement. They grabbed their day clothes before heading to the showers at the far end of the hall.

Kendall stood under the hot water enjoying it as it ran down his back, it felt so good. He quickly washed his body before he put soap in his hair and ran his fingers through his bangs. "Oh, SHIT!" Kendall yelled as he put his face directly under the water and rubbed his skin roughly.

"What happened?" Logan asked looking over his shoulder at the blonde, just a hint of worry in his voice.

"I got fucking soap in my eyes!" Kendall said back.

Carlos leaned over to James and whispered, "Someone's in a bad mood today." The other three chuckled earing a glare from Kendall.

The same young man that had greeted them this morning walked up and down the aisle in front of them and handed them all pieces of paper with their names printed across the top. Kendall immediately noticed that he worked mostly Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Fridays. Their hours were short, mostly 4 hours at a time and three days a week because there really wasn't much going on in the hospital right now and the base needed to rotate everyone in and out. They all needed some experience before they were deployed anywhere, probably in a few months' time.

As soon as the man left they all relaxed and went over their schedules in more detail. "Hey, when is your first day?" James asked as he came to Kendall's side looking over his shoulder.

"Tuesday, it seems kinda far away from now, it's only Saturday." Kendall said as he looked over his schedule his nerves building knowing he was going to have to deal with them until Tuesday 0800 came.

"Yeah, man you'll be alright. My first day is Monday 1200. But I work the same time you do on Tuesdays. It looks like I work Monday, Tuesday, and Fridays." James said with a smile.

Kendall smiled back feeling better now that he would have James with him at least on his first day. "It seems that our schedules are the same every week." Kendall said as he looked over his and James' both.

"Oh, my God! I work tonight!" Carlos almost immediately went into panic mode looking down at his new schedule. James put his hands on Carlos' shoulders and looked him in the eye.

"Dude, listen to me! There are a bunch of us and I know that you are not going to be the only one who is new there tonight." James pulled back from the boy and took his schedule out of his hand. "Ok. You work from 8 pm to 12 am. That's not that bad. Only four hours and you know its not going to be anything overly stressful. We are in a controlled environment and these people have already been taken care of. You'll probably change some bandages and do a few bed baths with some range of motion. Got it? Nothing to freak about." James was rambling trying to convince himself as well that he was going to be ok on Monday. Carlos nodded.

"Ok, we've got this guys! We can do this." Logan began looking at all their schedules and looked at Carlos.

"Hey, you better not complain too much because guess what? I work tomorrow and I don't have ANY shifts with you guys! I'll only see James as he is coming into work and I'm leaving." Logan said throwing his paper on his bed.

"Well, at least Tuesday will be a good day. Me, James, and Carlos all work together." Kendall said with a smile.

"Not helping, Knight." Logan said with a glare.

It was about 730 and everyone was getting back to the hall for bed except for a few, including Carlos. He quickly changed into his work clothes and said, "Well, wish me luck guys. I'll tell you all about it in the morning." He walked over to Logan and patted him on the back. "I'll see you at midnight!" With that Carlos walked across the aisle to another guy who was just getting dressed as well.

"Alright, guys. I want to get a little bit of sleep before I have to go in." Logan stripped to his boxers then threw a white t-shirt on before crawling into bed. He set his watch for 1140 so that he would have enough time to brush his teeth and change before having to report at 1155.

'It's going to be a long few days.' Kendall thought as he laid in his bed and closed his eyes.

**Alright guys. Another one done! Let me know what you think and feel free the message me with any suggestions! **


	16. Chapter 16

Kendall awoke when he heard alarms go off throughout the room. He opened his eyes and saw Logan slowly standing. "What time is it, buddy?" Kendall asked the shorter boy.

"It's 11:40. I've gotta hurry so I can get to the hospital on time." He whispered back to the blonde.

"OK. Have a good night. You can tell me all about it tomorrow." With that, Kendall rolled back onto his side and faced James who never moved through the commotion. 'God, I wish I could sleep like him. Nothing bothers him.' Kendall thought as he slipped back into sleep.

When the bell rang in the morning at 5:00 signaling that they had a half hour to get ready and go to breakfast. As Kendall got up he saw that Carlos was still passed out. The blonde gently shook his Carlos' shoulder but got no response.

"Here, let me try." James said as he came around the beds. He also gently shook his shoulder then bent forward where his face was only inches from the Latino's. He continued to shake him while say, "Carlos, wakey, wakey. It's breakfast time." Still no response, "CARLOS!" James screamed in his face causing Carlos to spook and he slapped James across the face.

Kendall watched with his mouth open before he suppressed a laugh.

"James, oh my God! I'm sorry. I didn't know that was you!" Carlos said jumping out of his bed facing James who had a shock look on his face while holding his cheek.

"Carlos! That hurt!"

"You scared me. What did you expect?" The shorter of the two through back.

"Not that you would hit me!"

"Alright, alright. Calm boys. Let's go get breakfast. And Carlos. Tell us about work!" Kendall said as he purposely stepped between them to go to the bathroom to brush his teeth.

As they walked in that direction Carlos began. "Well, James was pretty much right. The most excitement I got was to take x-rays of someone's ankle that he twisted when he stupidly jumped on his bed." James nodded. "Though they did say that if you worked the shifts between 12 AM and 8 AM you get to eat breakfast at 830 then go sleep until noon. That is gonna mess up our schedules. Other than the boredom of just pushing meds nothing really happened. We kinda worked in groups. There are only 15 patients in the entire place and we had 10 corpsmen."

"Sweet, I'm kinda excited for tomorrow." James said with a smile.

"Well, Carlos didn't we say that you would survive?" Kendall said as he put water on his tooth brush.

"Yeah, I guess you did." Carlos replied as they began to brush their teeth.

After they had their morning work outs and had lunch they returned to their bunks where they found the men that had been working the night before. They went over to their beds and tried not to wake Logan because he still had half an hour before he had to be up and get ready for their drills that they would be going through that after noon.

"Hey, what happened to Carlos?" Kendall asked James as he sat the brunette's bed.

"Oh, I think he just went to the store to get more shaving cream." James said and he blushed deeply.

"Dude, are you ok?" Kendall asked as he could feel a blush of his own creeping across his cheeks.

"Yeah, um, actually," James reached under his bed and grabbing his note book and pencil and continued, "I actually wanna ask you something. But you have to promise me you won't freak when I tell you!"

"No, James, you can tell me anything, no matter what." Kendall looked at his friend as his face turned worried.

James then scribbled in his book holding it close to his chest so that no one around them could read it, including Kendall.

He handed it to the other boy and Kendall hesitated before reading it worried about what he had written meant only for him. 'I really like you.' Is all it said and Kendall looked up with his blush deepening. He didn't let his mind wander to what the boy was going to say next but he asked. "What do you mean?"

James took the note book back and scribbled something else before handing it back to Kendall and watched his so intently Kendall was feeling a shiver go up his spine. He took the notebook and read what else had been written. 'I mean I really, really like you and I want to be more than friends, maybe. If you're ok with it. Carlos talk to me and he had told me that he was asking all of us but he wouldn't tell me anything when I asked him what you had said to his weird questions.'

Kendall looked up into those big hazel eyes that were still watching his every move and said "James, I." He stopped when James handed him the pencil and pointed to the paper. Kendall rolled his eyes and started to scribble his own answer. 'James, I like you A LOT too. And I would love to be your boyfriend? Right? Yeah, I just don't know if we should be open about it…here.'

He handed everything back to James and he read the answer. Kendall watched him as he smiled then as the smile slowly faded as he read on. He threw the paper and pencil back under his bed and said, "They can't do anything to us! Obama pulled that stupid rule." Kendall nodded at him.

"James. I said yes. Let's just take it slow and feel things out around here. OK?" Kendall reached across the bed and squeezed James' hand and. "Let's get Logan up so he can eat and be ready for drills this afternoon."

As Kendall went to stand James held onto his hand standing with him. Before he spoke his eyes fell to the floor before meeting Kendall's green one's and said. "Thank you, seriously." Kendall just laughed and nodded before he was released to wake Logan.

**Let me know what you all think! I think I'm about half way through the story now. **


	17. Chapter 17

"James what the HELL?" Kendall heard as he exited the showers and made his way to his bed. He saw Logan holding something as he looked up at James who had a shocked expression and seemed to not know what to say. "Why didn't you guys tell me?" Logan's voice was a little softer now.

Kendall picked up his pace as he made his way to the situation when he realized what Logan was holding, James' notebook that they had written in the previous day.

When Logan turned and saw Kendall he started all over again. "Kendall, why didn't you freaking tell me about this? Couldn't you trust me?"

Kendall didn't even know what to say. He just shook his head and said "I told James I didn't want everyone to know so could you PLEASE keep your voice down." Logan backed off a bit.

"Ok, fine. Can you please tell me what is going on?"

Kendall took Logan by his arm and pushed him over to browned eye boys bed and James joined them still not forming words. "Well I guess it all started with Carlos when he asked me if I was gay or whatever. I told him I didn't know. I guess I was, or still am confused." As soon as the words left his mouth he regretted it. He looked up at James who had seemed to completely forgotten about Logan. As he opened his mouth to say something he felt James' hands on his chest as he gave a forceful push. "James, listen to me!"

"What you don't know now. I thought yesterday you said you really liked me and wanted to be my boyfriend." Kendall looked around him as they were now being watched. "You know what, Kendall. I don't care if everyone knows that I am Bi and you shouldn't care either! You need to admit it to yourself. You wouldn't have said that to me yesterday if you weren't a little sure of how you feel."

Kendall couldn't hide anything more so he decided that this needed to be taken care of here and now. "James, I do really like you and I do really wanna be with you. So please calm down."

"No, Kendall. You wouldn't have said that if you wanted to be with me! Are you using me Kendall to find out if you're gay or not because if you are I want no part in it! I want a real relationship with real feelings. Not curiosity." As James continued on his rant Kendall pushed him against the wall that was between Logan and his bed and kissed him. He heard a moan of surprise escape James' lips and he deepened the kiss.

He pulled back when the pain in his lungs became too much. He took a step from James and ignored the gasps of surprise that surrounded them. He released the boy whose hazel eyes were wide with surprise. "What the hell was that?" He asked with a pant.

"My way of showing you that I'm all in. James, I am not using you. I could never hurt anyone like that. I don't take back what I said about wanting to be with you. I haven't doubted it. You are amazing James. You understand me like no one else does." Kendall looked into his eyes knowing that his were showing all the fear and wanting that he felt deep within his soul.

"Kendall, you don't understand how much that means to me. And I'm sorry that our first kiss had to happen like this. I'm sorry that I freaked out on you like that. It was wrong." James was feeling frantic about his actions and wanted to take them back. "And I know that you wanted to keep this hidden for at least a little bit and I threw it out to everyone in the place." James took a step closer to Kendall before he turned to Logan. "Are you OK?" He asked in a small voice.

"Yeah, I'm sorry I kinda invaded your privacy. I was just picking up the book to move it and I caught a glimpse of boyfriend and I read it. I'm…" Kendall held up his hand to silence the smaller boy.

"No, it's fine. This way we DON'T have to hide anything and it's better that way. You did us both a favor, plus your right. We should have told you. Speaking of telling people," Kendall pointed his hand in the direction of the Latino boy coming into the sleeping hall. The blonde boy looked at James who was smiling and Kendall cocked an eyebrow. Before James had time to think he was pinned against the wall again while Kendall pushed his body to his. This time Kendall managed a moan as he took in the other boys taste. He felt pure satisfaction as he heard the small boy scream.

"What, the, FUCK!"

** I know that this is a shorter chapter and I usually don't post one right after the other but I didn't want to forget by morning. Anyways, let me know what you guys think! Review or Message me! **


	18. Chapter 18

It was Monday night as Kendall sat on his bed with James and they looked at Carlos who was pacing in front of them apparently having some sort of meltdown. "You guys! The last time I talked to you, James, you said you didn't know. KENDALL! You said you DIDN'T know!" The words he was stressing were stressed a little too much as they were all rose an entire octave.

"Carlos, calm boy!" Logan said as he pointed to the floor with a crooked smirk on his face. "It's fine. Aren't you bi anyways?"

"That's not the POINT!" He continued to yell. "It's the fact that they were coming to me for advice and I wasn't the first to know that one of them was gonna pop the freaking question!"

"Well, I gotta pee." Kendall said as he stood with a sigh wanting to get away from the upset Latino, who really shouldn't be upset with anything. He should be happy that he kind of played match maker. Kendall put his head in his hand as he walked and whispered, "God, help us."

The next morning everyone got up at the normal hour of 5 and had breakfast. Kendall was dragging his feet a little and he thought that maybe it was just because of what had happened the night before. He had expected to get weird looks from everyone but nothing had changed. Well, last night everyone kind of stared but this morning it was as if nothing had happened. He knew that people had become more accepting as being bi or even full on gay was almost a normal occurrence.

Kendall looked down at his watch as they approached the cafeteria for breakfast. It was already 605. That meant that he had 20 minutes to eat before going back to change into running shorts and a t-shirt and still enough time to make it to his first day of work. He was grateful that James and Carlos would be there on his first day of work. He felt bad that the other boys had no one there for them on their first days.

"Dude, you ok?" Logan asked as he noticed Kendall was staring off into space not even eating.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I'm just nervous for work." He said as he snapped out of his thoughts. He ate quietly listen to his friends talk about their days at work.

"Both of my days were fine. The different shifts are weird because there are different routines but other than that it's pretty easy. We just need to remember our basic medications." Logan went on to say.

"Yeah, though like I said. I had some guy flip on me over a shot! It was just penicillin!" Carlos said thinking back on that moment.

After breakfast Kendall took his jog and got back within 15 minutes.

"Hey, I'm gonna take a shower real quick." He told James and Carlos as they sat on their beds talking.

"Ugh, I'm so nervous." Kendall said as he walked with James and Carlos to the hospital on the other side of the base.

"You will be fine. I'm telling you. No one really needs that much help. Just their pills and to have bandages check on wounds that are already mostly healed. It's nothing. The worst part is giving them meds because they are getting sick up them every four hours." James explained trying to calm his boyfriend's nerves.

Kendall just nodded, swallowing hard to push away the nerves.

"Hi, there. How are you feeling?" Kendall asked as he approached a bed that held a young man with a broken leg.

"Eh, I'm in a little bit of pain. Are you able to give me anything yet?" He asked. He had deep blue eyes and jet black hair. Kendall smiled as he handed the spoonful of meds to him.

"Yup, I've got your ibuprofen right here." After the man had taken all the pills into his mouth Kendall held a straw up to his lips as he took them all down.

As Kendall stood he looked to his left and saw James leaving his med cart and approaching a man with a syringe.

"Diabetic?" Kendall asked as he fell in step next to James.

"Yeah, and I pray he cooperates better than he did yesterday! It was hell!" James said though put on his most stunning smile when the man in the bed looked up at them. "Hi, there! I'm back with your insulin." James said as he approached the man and they pulled the curtains around the bed. Today he happily lifted his shirt and revealed a lightly bruised area on his flat stomach. Kendall bit his lip and thanked God that he didn't have any health problems.

The rest of the night went about the same, just helping with minor problems. Though, at noon everyone was grateful when the caddy came around with lunch at 1130. At 1155 next shift was arriving and received report.

All the way to lunch the boys talked about how their days had went by uneventfully. Kendall couldn't stop smiling. He had survived his first day and he couldn't be happier. He almost felt jittery. After they had sat down for lunch with Logan Kendall noticed that he was acting happier than he should be.

"Alright, what you so excited about?" Kendall asked as he eyed the dark haired boy suspiciously.

Logan dug in his pocket then exclaimed, "I've got this!" He held out his phone for the other three to see. They hadn't seen one of these in months!

They all got so excited they forgot about lunch. "Dude, my Ipod!" James said reminding Kendall that he wanted his music back so desperately.

"Let's go boys!" Carlos said standing with his tray to dump.

All three raced off as Logan strolled behind them texting someone who wasn't important to the other three at the moment. When they arrived to their beds they noticed that mail had been neatly laid out.

The first thing they noticed was a guitar on James' bed. "Dude, how did you get that?" Kendall asked pointing to the wooden object.

"I asked my mom if she could try and get me my guitar since we only live 45 minutes from here. I guess she was able to get it cleared!" James said as he held it close to his body as if it were his baby.

Kendall grabbed his Ipod putting in the ear buds and laid on his bed pressing play to the first song that came on shuffle. He closed his eyes and listened to 'Far Away' by Nickelback, one of his favorite bands.

**Alright guys! Let me know what you think! **

**By the way, I do not own anything BTR. I just want to throw that out there now before I forget in the future! **


	19. Chapter 19

Three weeks have passed since James and Kendall became an item, and it was going quite well. At first they were kind of awkward, but after many of Carlos' "What are they gonna do about it?" talks the boys were in full force PDA mode. At times Logan was scared they were going to turn him into a dude lover too after Carlos told him how sexy he was.

One afternoon when Logan came back from work he found James and Kendall making out like rabid beasts while everyone else was at lunch. He approached them and pushed James, and unknowing victim, off of the bed and said "Go find a closet or something, PLEASE!"

This amused the three boys more than it should, and Carlos was making it known that it turned him on when Logan was uncomfortable. He couldn't understand how of all the guys there were to be friends with, he had to choose these ones! Though, this did make him wonder if he should just 'experiment' with the other gender.

On Wednesday afternoon no one had to work, except for Logan, but that was in the early morning. They were all laid out on their beds when James started to play his guitar. Kendall watched him as he began to recognize the song and sat up on the side of his bed. He couldn't quite place it till Carlos began to sing it.

_"I know your inside, you're feeling so hollow, _

_ And it's a hard pill for you to swallow, _

_ But if I fall for you, I'll never recover." _

Kendall stood as he began to sing along with James and Carlos. He swayed back and forth as he smiled at Logan who looked like he could hardy resist singing along, he finally caved. As the song went on they noticed how people started to watch them. Carlos jumped on James' bed and sang out to the audience that had gathered in front of them.

As the song ended and the boys sat on James and Kendall's bed and looked quite pleased with themselves.

"Dude, I didn't even know any of you could sing!" James said as he patted his guitar. "I would have pulled my baby out a lot sooner if I knew."

"I didn't know either of them could sing." Kendall said as he playfully punched Logan's arm, who gave him a shove in return.

"I'm not that good guys. I'm no pro." Logan said with a small laugh.

"Whatever! Pick a song." James said to Logan.

Logan thought for a moment and said "Please tell me you know this one! Time of my life?" He looked at James expectantly.

"Who doesn't know that song?" He replied as he began to play it.

The rest of the afternoon went by as they had all pulled out their Ipod's reminiscing over old songs they haven't listened to in ages.

That night Kendall and James pushed their beds together. They didn't know if that was even aloud but no one had babysat them in a while so they figured they would take their chances.

Their fingers were intertwined and Kendall had his cheek pressed against James' chest where he could hear his steady, rhythmic heart. He looked up at the tall brunette and asked, "Hey, when did you learn how to play guitar?"

"My mom actually got me started when I was four. She said it would keep my mind off of my father when he left." Kendall sat up on his elbow and traced small circles on the thin white fabric that covered James' chest, who just shrugged before continuing. "I guess she was right. I would come home from school and I would stay up way to late teaching myself songs. I know so many I couldn't even tell you."

Kendall laid back down seeing that James seemed to be at peace with the subject. "I'm glad that you found something to get your mind off of your father. When mine died I got into hockey. It's my biggest passion."

"Eh, I like watching but I would never be good at it." James said as he nibbled his bottom lip.

"Hey, maybe I could teach you a few moves if you teach me a song or two."

"Hey, Logan. Can I talk to you for a minute?" Kendall asked as Carlos and James bantered about something stupid.

"Sure, what's up?" Logan said not knowing that this was a conversation he did not want to have!

"Well….um…you know." Kendall fumbled with his words trying to think of the right ones to use.

"Spit it out will ya?" Logan said feeling his heart begin to race.

"Ok, are you at all gay?" Kendall said quickly.

Logan just stared at him like he had proposed to a squirrel. After moment's delay he shook his head and said "No. Did Carlos put you up to this?" The dark haired boy said as he began to stand to talk to Carlos. Kendall grabbed his wrist pulling him back to the bed and said "No, he has no idea I'm talking to you about this so shh."

Logan looked at him with even more suspicion, "What are you trying to say?"

"I'm trying to say that Carlos really, really, and I mean really likes you. I mean. At first he tried being sweet to you and now he has moved on to full out hitting on you."

Logan huffed with a smile and grumbled, "Yeah, I couldn't tell."

"Hey, so I was thinking that maybe you could just give him a chance. I'm not saying that you have to be in a completely committed relationship. Just try." Kendall was almost begging. "I think it is tearing him apart to see me and James so happy when he wants you and your RIGHT here!"

Logan put his head in his hand and looked at the boy who was trying to play James' guitar as the brunette moved his fingers to the right chords. Carlos had his tongue out in concentration as he listened to James intently.

"Kendall, I don't know." Logan said as he turned back to the expecting blonde.

"I'm not saying you have to make a decision right now. But just think about it." Kendall said as he stood. He wandered to James and placed a peck on his cheek. He saw Carlos look away and bite his lip trying to ignore the boys in front of him.

Logan flung himself forward on the bed, face down in his pillow wishing he could scream into it without drawing to much attention to himself.

**Please tell me what you think! It means a lot! If you have any suggestions feel free to let me know! **


	20. Chapter 20

"Logan, are you awake?" Kendall whispered over his shoulder. "Good he's asleep. So I talked to him earlier." Kendall said to James as he turned back to the brunette and rested his head on his shoulder.

"Hmm, what about?" James asked as he kept his eyes closed.

"I told him how much Carlos likes him." Kendall paused for a moment pushing the thought that maybe it was a bad idea out of his mind as he drew random shapes on James' bare abdomen where the shirt had been risen, "I mean, not that he didn't already know." Kendall stated quickly.

"Yeah, and how did that go babe?" James asked with a soft smirk on his face.

"Well, I mean. It coulda been worse. He wasn't completely against it. He just didn't know but I think he does like something about Carlos though." As Kendall whispered the Latino's name he hoped that he was asleep realizing he hadn't called out his name like he had Logan, though Carlos was separated from them by Logan.

"I guess we will just have to wait and see what happens. I think your right about him having some sort of feelings boy him. I just don't know what exactly. I think he will cave though, I mean you gotta admit, Carlos is cute." Kendall sat up on his elbow and looked down at the brunette with a glare in his green eyes. "Oh hush, you know I think you're so sexy." James added when he saw the look on the blondes face. He pulled Kendall back down to his body, the blonde finally relaxing.

"Yeah, I guess we will find out soon enough." Kendall said his voice reflecting that he was in thought. He relaxed into James' side and closed his eyes breathing in James' soft sent and enjoying the warmth between their bodies.

Everyone had risen as they had every day. It was a Sunday morning so everyone had the rest of the day off figuring that Logan had already done his 12 to 4 morning shift. Carlos, James, and Kendall had already dressed and we making their beds.

"James, I have an idea," Carlos said as he tucked the corner of his blankets under his mattress.

"Yeah, and what could that be?" James said with a smile.

"We should write our own song!" Carlos' eyes brightened as he spoke his idea.

Kendall laughed at him and then said, "Hey, I want in on this idea."

"Yeah, all of us, even Logan." Carlos said pointing down to the sleeping boy.

"Sure guys. We can -"James was cut off by a man entering their sleeping quarter's immediately radiating command.

"Attention!" He bellowed as he walked down the center of the beds.

Everyone snapped to attention their faces blank in fear of showing their shock. It had been a long time since they had seen someone so professional in this sense. As the large man passed Kendall he took in his features. He seemed late thirties with deep creases in his faces, probably stress. He was on the shorter side of the spectrum though he carried himself as if he were a fucking giant. Kendall's annoyance spiked as he got a cocky vibe off of the man.

As he passed them by Kendall reached over as he had seen other men do to wake their colleges and he pushed Logan quickly and pointed to the others at attention. Logan jumped out of bed fast, breathing hard, and joined the rest of them.

"So, I have heard that you have all been trained and have worked in this area for a month now. I have been told that an entire division is needed in Afghanistan and you are it!" He paused as he allowed this information sink into the men surrounding him in the room. He watched them for any signs of weakness. One of the men were breathing heaving as if he were on the verge of a panic attack and we was called out.

The smaller man approached the boy and got directly in his face, the younger of them looked as if he were going to cry.

"Soldier, what the fuck is the problem." The man spat in his face.

"Nothing, Sir." The boy screamed back trying to control his emotions only slightly succeeding.

"Well, you better get the shit out of your head because you are all needed and immediately."  
He left the started male and turned back to the center aisle. "Half of you will ship out tomorrow at 0600, the other half in two weeks at the same time. Your assigned times will be posted at 1100 here." He pointed to the doors that lead outside.

Kendall's mind raced not ready for what he was going to face. The Sargent had said immediately. He thought about the men he was going to arrive to and treat, in critical condition. He knew all the stuff but he didn't know about the real life pressure. Sure he had been tested under pressured conditions but he knew that wasn't real, knew that if he fucked up he wasn't going to be responsible for a current death.

"Well, that will be it. I will see half of you tomorrow on your flight out!" He walked to the door and Kendall thought that they were going to be left at attention though as the door was closing behind the stout man he screamed, "Relax!"

Kendall paced frantically as he tried to get his bearings on the situation. He gnawed on his lower lip as he ran his fingers through his hair. He turned on his heal and was pulled into an embrace he wasn't expecting.

"James, what if we aren't going together." Kendall asked, this being his immediate problem. "I don't think I can go two weeks without you. I hate going to work without you!" He said as he grabbed onto the taller boy's sides, his forehead against the others pectorals. He felt tears in the back of his emerald eyes that he refused to let out.

"I know, I know. We will be fine. It's only two weeks. It could be so much worse. You know that."' James whispered as he held the other boy close to him thinking that maybe if he never let go of him they couldn't be separated. He couldn't lose this boy right now. He didn't say it but from the way the man had talked they were going to be sent to a dangerous place and he couldn't take it if something bad happened to the love of his life.

Yeah, they had only been together for about a month but they had spent so much time together it seemed as if they had been together for three. Kendall looked up and cupped James' cheek in his palm and whispered, "I can't lose you James. I…I don't know." He trailed off not knowing what to say next.

James kissed him passionately wrapping his arms around the blonde's thin waist and pressing their hips together tightly. Kendall's hands roamed James' chest and abdomen as he traced his tongue against the taller male's lips asking for entrance only to be denied by James' tongue pushing past his parted lips. Kendall moaned loudly out of lust and surprise before James quickly parted and took a step back and looked to the other boys that were around them. He caught Logan's eye before the shorter boy turned his back to them quickly.

Kendall bit his lip in a small amount of embarrassment though he didn't even know he was holding back a moan until it had escaped him.

"Hey, it's fine, just not in front of everyone." James kissed his reddened cheek before winking at him and returning to what he had been doing previous to the unwanted interruption.

Kendall grabbed his sweatshirt and stated "I'm going for a run" before beginning to walk away trying to hide the annoyance in his shorts. The blonde threw the sweatshirt over his head before he took off into the cold December air. He always wore shorts though most of the others had changed to sweatpants. The cold kept his mind off of anything that wasn't welcome at that moment.

"I'm so nervous." Kendall said as the foursome stood behind a mob of other nervous men trying to get a peek at when they would be leaving for Afghanistan. The blondes fingers squeezed the ones of the brunette standing next to him.

"All of us are gonna be fine. Don't worry if we don't go at the same time." James said as he squeezed back.

"Hey, you're not gonna miss us if you leave and we don't?" Carlos asked in almost a hurt tone as he pointed between himself and Logan.

Kendall released James and walked to Carlos and put his hand on his shoulder and said "Of course I would miss you both." A smile formed on his lips as he looked between the two. "You are my best friends and I don't know where I would be today without either of you. You mean so much to me." He thought about how his words sounded lame but they were true and his friends needed to know what he felt about them. How much he cared about them and would be devastated if something ever did happen to them.

"We would miss you to, Kendall." Logan said with a small smile as he patted the taller male on the back.

"Well you better!" Kendall said as he reached out to the shorter boy and ruffled his hair earning himself a dark eyed glare as his hand retreated.

"Was that necessary?" Logan asked as he tried to fix his hair.

"Yes" Kendall said as he stuck his tongue out in a childish way.

"God, I got freaks for friends." Carlos said as he rolled his eyes though let out a small laugh.

"Well you love your freaks." James said as he brought Kendall in close to him.

"Whatever." He replied to the brunette as he pushed past him to look at the sheet that was now visible through the few people left staring at it.

They all watched the Latino, studying his body movement as he ran his finger down the paper and stopped as he took in the information. He turned slowly and the color was drained from his face. "I'm leaving tomorrow." He choked out of fear. He didn't want to show it, it made him feel weak when he showed his fear but this time it was too much after he had already convinced himself that he wasn't going in the morning because only 50% of them were leaving. He was sure he would have another two weeks left in this safe haven.

Kendall pushed past him scanning the sheet before him revealing the same results. His mind suddenly shifted and he ran his finger down the white material until he saw 'Diamond" and he traced the line to the right before seeing that James was staying.

"No" Kendall felt James' breath on the back of his neck and he turned seeing him and Logan standing directly behind him finding out for themselves that they were both staying.

The afternoon passed by and Kendall didn't even noticed the events he had taken part of as he reviewed for the soon coming departures. It wasn't until he was getting ready for bed that his interest was spiked.

"Hey, Carlos?" Logan said in a hushed tone. Kendall looked at him as the dark haired boy moved in an awkward way towards the Latino.

"Yeah, what's up?" Carlos said as he was stuffing a few articles of clothing into his duffel bag for his early leave.

Logan hesitated before he moved quickly and with purpose around the bed before pressing his lips forcefully to Carlos'. Kendall's breath caught in his throat as he watched this happen. He reached out behind him not taking his eyes off the other boys as he felt for James. When he felt a hip he pushed it to get his attention.

"Wha" was all that was said as James took in what Kendall was trying to show him.

Carlos soon kissed Logan back as a small moan seemed to emanate from his chest. Soon Logan broke the kiss when oxygen became a vital thing. "Will you be my boyfriend?" Logan asked taking the fact that the Latino didn't pull away as a good sign.

"Yes" Carlos said just as shocked as Kendall and James. Carlos looked at the other to and watched as they looked as if they had been caught spying on their sister's friend changing and busied themselves with nothing. Turning his attention back to the paler boy he said, "Yes, of course I will be your boyfriend." He took Logan into a hug.

**I'm excited for this next chapter I'm working on. Please review for this one! **


	21. Chapter 21

It was late in the night when Kendall felt his arm being shoved, an almost desperate voice reaching his ears. He opened his eyes to see James leaning over their bed looking at him as if he were in pain. "Follow me." James said as he pulled Kendall by the hand as he got out of the bed followed by the blonde who was now thoroughly confused. He was led to the bathroom as he was led to a stall.

Not knowing what was going on he dug his heels into the ground and said "James?" His voice weak with confusion.

"Do you trust me?" James asked as he tried to pull the blonde once more into a large open stall behind him.

The younger blonde looked at him with a quizzical stare before slowing taking the few steps to enter the stall with the brunette. He was terrified. He knew what was going to happen though he didn't know if he wanted it. Wait a minute, of course he wanted it, he loved James. He loved him with everything he had and would do anything for him. He thought back about how he was going to be leaving in just a few hours and this would be the perfect way to feel close to James just one last time.

As soon as the door was locked Kendall was pushed against the cold wood as James kissed him with pure passion and need. The blonde hesitated for a moment before he responded by returning the brunettes kiss. He wrapped his arms around James' neck and brought his body closer to his pressing their bodies tightly together.

As James' lips traced down Kendall's neck he ran his fingers through the brunette's hair gently pulling when he felt teeth graze across the sensitive skin. James lightly pressed his lips against the pulse at the base of the younger male's neck. James licked his collar bone and nipped at his jaw line before returning to his lips that were already red from being bitten.

Kendall could feel his boxers becoming uncomfortable as a bulge began to form between his legs. He pushed his hips tightly against the body in front of him praying that he would find some sort of friction, and he succeeded. James pressed his thigh to the boys hardening cock receiving a moan that was muffled when he kissed him, biting Kendall's lower lip he was granted entrance and he quickly claimed his dominance over the younger male. Kendall pulled James' shirt up and broke their forceful kiss to bring the white t over the brunettes head and dropped the clothing to the floor before leaning forward and nibbling on James' neck sucking until he was certain he would leave a bruise.

James moaned throwing his head back to allow the blonde more room. "Oh, God. Don't stop." He pleaded with the blonde but was quickly denied before Kendall pulled away to peel the shirt off of his own body. James pushed him hard against the stall door again with a loud bang and bit down on Kendall's shoulder leaving teeth marks in the skin.

"James, hmm." Kendall groaned through his teeth as he arched his back feeling the other male's hands roaming his bare chest and abdomen.

James smiled against Kendall's ear and whispered through labored breathing, "Do you want me?"

Kendall felt a shiver run through his entire body as need washed over him and he nodded not able to find the words. He took a chance and ran his hand over the other boys groin feeling the hard object. This took James by surprise and he wasn't able to hold the moan in.

"Oh, God, Kendall." He said loudly as he pulled the boy's body against his own and began pulling down his boxers. Kendall reddened not knowing that was coming and immediately felt self-conscious even though he knew James had seen him naked before in the shower, though, not on this level. His worries were quickly pushed aside when he felt a hand wrap around his now throbbing cock and slowly begin to stroke. James smiled when he saw the pre-come.

He bent over and licked the tip taking in the come. He kissed Kendall pushing his tongue into his mouth making him taste how amazing he was. Kendall moaned into the kiss tasting himself along with James. He had to admit, even though it was strange it was really nice at the same time.

Kendall traced his fingertips over the edge of the brunette's boxers playing with the elastic. He slipped his hand under the fabric smiling when he felt the hardness of the other's sex organ. Kendall leaned his head back against the door as James began to stroke him at the same time syncing their movements, "Ah…" Before Kendall could say anything else he felt his voice hitch in his throat. He looked up at James who was watching him intently with those beautiful hazel eyes. As he moved his eyes down the larger male's he realized how they were already shining with sweat and their breaths were uneven and loud.

Not being able to take it anymore James pulled away taking off his own boxers and throwing them to the side. He quickly licked his fingers and rubbed them over his tip. He looked back at Kendall and whispered, "Trust me." The blonde just nodded watching every move the God before him made. James hoisted the boy up and Kendall wrapped his legs around his thin waist and he gripped James' large shoulders, his back still supported by the stall. James licked his fingers once more before working his way to Kendall's entrance, there; he began to probe and work to stretch the skin until he was sure he wouldn't cause the other boy too much pain.

Once more James kissed Kendall, this time pull of love and passion wanting to show him how much he cared about him and how much he needed him in his life. Kendall greedily accepted it putting just as much emotion into it. He felt his pounding heart flutter when he felt the tip of James' cock pressing against his entrance. He was nervous but he wanted this more than anything at the moment and he wasn't going to show that he was scared.

James pushed himself inside the younger boy slowly, allowing him to adjust to his size. When Kendall let out a moan James deepened the kiss not wanting to make more noise than necessary, though he did love the sound of Kendall's deep moans. He pushed himself farther and he felt Kendall tense. "Babe, relax, it's better that way." He told the other boy with his forehead rested against his. Kendall complied and let his entire body relax, though it wasn't easy.

James began to pump his hips into the small boy and he leaned forward dropping soft kisses over his pectorals. He could feel the vibrations of Kendall's light moans on his lips adding to the many amazing sensations he was already trying to take in at once.

"James, I want more." Kendall pleaded as he ran his fingers through James' dark hair pulling when he was granted his wish. James stood straight and pushed Kendall stiffly against the door and began pumping hard and fast into the smaller male.

Soon they were both moaning running their hands all over each other's bodies wanting as much as they could get. Kendall bit down on his lip and squeezed his emerald eyes shut focusing on everything that was washing over him. The feeling of James' hot body against his, the hard cock that was pounding against his prostate, each time bringing him closer to a climax that he didn't want to come yet, and the smell of sex.

"Hmmm, Kendall, I'm gonna come." James said as he began stroking Kendall in sync with his hips. He bit down hard on his lip before barley being able to speak again, "Say my name."

"James, James, make me come." Kendall said arching his back feeling them both get closer and closer. James grabbed the top of the door and gave Kendall one last forceful thrust before he came and Kendall followed quickly behind him spraying their already damp bodies with his own fluids. Neither of them moved, Kendall's legs still wrapped around James' small waist, bodies trembling under the exertion.

James leaned over and kissed the blonde lightly on the lips and whispered, "I love you."

"Love you to." Was all Kendall could respond with as he was still struggling to return his body to normal.

James pulled away from him and they both showered off in silence before slipping back into their bed as if nothing had happened.

They both pushed the thoughts out of their mind that they wouldn't be together tomorrow but knew that they had made the most of their last night.

Kendall rested his head on James' pectoral and listened to the steady beating of his heart. Soon they both slipped into a dreamless sleep.

**Sooo, this is the first time I have written anything like this and I'm a little nervous about it. Anyways! I'm not sure how it turned out really but please let me know! **


	22. Chapter 22

Kendall woke when the lights over-head turned on illuminating the sleeping quarters. He stood feeling his back aching. Suddenly last night flooded to the front of his mind. He looked down at James who was on his stomach still breathing steady; Kendall wished he could sleep like that. He looked at Logan who was looking between him and Carlos and gave the smaller boy a pathetic smile.

Kendall watched as Carlos bent over and brought Logan into a tight hug. He threw on his clothes and crawled back onto his bed and rubbed James' back "Hey babe, its morning. Get up." He wished that he could lay back down under the still warm blankets and forget about the events that were going to play out in the next couple of hours. His only comfort being that he was going with Carlos. 'Thank God I have someone; I don't know what I would do without him.' Kendall thought to himself as James began to stir.

James rolled onto his back his hazel eyes reluctantly looking up into the bright light. Kendall kissed him gently "Good morning, love."

"Morning" James mumbled his voice still heavy with sleep. "How ya feeling?" A smile now appeared on his face.

"Fine." Kendall said with a blush though he couldn't hide the smile that was working its way on his features.

James leaned up and gave Kendall one more peck on the lips before standing to get dressed himself.

Kendall went to the bathroom with his toiletries that he had left out of his packing for this morning. As he walked to the sinks he couldn't help but glance at the stall that had been violated the night before. He bit his lip as he thought about their late night activities. He shook his head reminding this was not the time. He sighed heavily before splashing his face with cold water and brushing his teeth.

When he returned to his bed he was feeling numb. He turned off all emotions not wanting to say goodbye. He didn't know to leave America where his mom and sister were, where James was, where he felt safe and secure knowing that they were protected. He looked up at Carlos who looked as if he were doing the same thing, poker face.

Kendall looked down at his watch that said 550. He knew he needed to say goodbye and fast. He felt the lump in his throat grow as he turned to face James who was fiddling with something in the cabinet.

"James" His voice barely audible he walked straight into the other man's chest and closed his eyes feeling his strong arms wrap around him. He breathed in the sweet smell that was pure James. He felt a sob coming though he was able to choke it back down. He pulled away and kissed the brunette softly on the lips before saying "I love you"

"I love you too." James said in a whisper.

Kendall turned away and knew he couldn't look back. Not now. He knew if he did he wouldn't be able to leave. He would see James again soon anyways. He would be fine. At least that's what he told himself.

Kendall wandered over to where Carlos was giving Logan a kiss before he too turned to walk away. Silently, they walked to the bus that would take them to the airport.

Kendall sat in his seat next to Carlos who hadn't said a word. "How you holdin up, bud?" Kendall finally asked him when he swallowed his pride as a tear slid down his cheek, though in the dark it wouldn't be seen, he hoped.

"I'm ok." Carlos' voice was weak and barely heard.

After a moment of long silence and the bus began to pull out of the driveway and sight was lost of the camp they had made their home for the past month Kendall heard as someone broke. A small boy he had known since boot camp stood and began kneeing and kicking at the seat in front of him and hitting the windows. He screamed at the top of his lungs as he let the fear, frustration, and anger come out. Kendall bit back a sob as the boys' friends stood and pulled him back to the seat in an embrace.

A loud groan escaped Carlos as he hit his fists on both sides of his seat throwing his head back. His eyes were shut as tears slid down his cheeks. Kendall reached out to him and put his arm around the Latino's shoulders.

"It's alright buddy. I'm here for you. Let it out." Kendall gave up trying to hide his own tears and let them fall freely when the smaller boy crumpled into his lap.

The rest of the ride was filled with soft sobs, though as the lights of the airport came into sight Kendall said, "Wipe your tears. There will be civilians here. We are in uniform dude. We can't cry." Kendall said praying that he was successful in not letting his break down show.

As they unloaded the large bus of the luggage they started towards their gate. Some people stared at them and some smiled and waved. There was a little boy who stopped next to his mother and pointed saying "look mommy, army men." Kendall smiled at him as he continued to walk. He felt a bit better as his pride was rebuilt and he was reminded why he was here and why he was doing this.

As they settled into their seats and watched the stewardess show them how to use their belts and what not Kendall thought about how this was it. He better say goodbye to America because he didn't know when he was coming back or…if he ever would.

His mind shot back to reality as he heard the captain speak over the intercom telling them that he was glad to fly us today and that it was going to be a 16 hour flight.

Kendall and Carlos simultaneously shot up in the seats and screamed with the rest of the protesters "What 16 fuckin hours!" Kendall said before leaning back in his seat and crossed his arms pouting.

"God, just shoot me now." Carlos growled as he joined Kendall in their pouting session.


	23. Chapter 23

They arrived to their new camp that seemed to be in the middle of fucking nowhere. Kendall and Carlos followed behind the group after getting off the bus and stepping into the cold air that stung their lungs. Kendall immediately realized that they could see their breath.

"It's just as cold as freaking New York." Kendall said in a hushed tone. Carlos just nodded his agreement.

They were shown where they would be sleeping for their time here and the two boys were lucky enough to find a pair of beds right next to each other. They were told that everything would be explained to them in the morning and that they would be shown the hospitals that needed the most help. Kendall couldn't help but notice the very distance cracks of gunfire. He shook his head knowing that he would think about that when the time came that he needed to bother with it.

As Kendall took in his surroundings he noticed that this place was a lot different than the one they had just come from. It was a bit dimmer with dark green walls. The lamps hung low down the aisle letting off little light to the corner him and Carlos were in. That's ok though, he didn't want a lot of attention drawn to him anyways. There was only one door, and that was the one that they had just come through. He didn't know where the bathroom was and he needed one.

"Carlos, where's the bathroom?" Kendall asked the Latino who was taking off his socks.

He looked at him like he was some kind of alien then said "um…that's a good question."

"Ask someone." Kendall said not wanting to be the one to look like an idiot.

"Really, why can't you ask? I mean it's an honest question."

"Yeah, but you know how shy I am." Kendall said nibbling on his lower lip. He thought of James and a shot of pain rushed through his heart. He shook his head ridding it of the beautiful brunette.

"Fine, whatever." Carlos said standing up before rolling his eyes and smiling at the blonde. He strolled over to a man who looked as if he were writing a letter. He had black hair and tan skin. His shirt was off revealing his unshaved chest. His body was toned and small, he looked to be in his late twenty's.

He looked up as Carlos cleared his through giving the young boy a small grin. "Hey, um, me and my friend were wondering where the bathroom was." Carlos asked now becoming almost shy himself.

"Oh, that's alright, man, if you go out these doors here," He pointed towards the large gray doors with his pen before continuing, "go to the right and they will be in a big white block building.

"Great, perfect, thank you," Carlos said before turning on his heels. "Happy?" He said to the blonde when he was in a short distance.

"Yeah, let's go pee and brush our teeth so we can go to sleep."

Together they got ready for bed and before they knew it they were back in the now dark building and settled down in their new beds, that weren't all that comfortable, and drifted off into a deep sleep.

In the morning they were woken by a man coming in and screaming at them to get up. He told the new arrivals to get dressed in their work uniforms and to be ready in five minutes and he would take them for a tour of the camp before they were able to get breakfast.

As they walked towards the large building that could be seen from their sleeping quarters Kendall took in the two inches of snow that had fallen. Snow was no stranger to him, though he thought about Logan, who is from Texas, had only seen a small amount of it in New York but not even this much had fallen there yet. Kendall had to shake his head once more trying to forget about the two boys he had left behind. He looked at Carlos who had his hands shoved in his pocket and breathing rapidly due to the cold.

"A little cold there buddy?" Kendall asked with a smile, though, he was freezing his own ass off.

"Uh, yeah, just a little," Carlos replied sarcastically.

As soon as they entered the hospital the warmth along with the smell of sterilization washed over the group of boys. As they scanned a large room full of rows upon rows of beds Kendall realized that most of them were full. He saw how some were critical and some seemed to be perfectly fine, just sleeping, though he knew there was more to their peaceful states. There were men bustling around the room moving from bed to bed checking vitals, checking bandages. Some beds had the curtains pulled around them as more personal care was being taken care of.

After analyzing what he was seeing Kendall took in the sounds that were surrounding him. He heard a corpsmen talking to a patient telling him that he needed to take his antibiotics if there was any hope in his arm being saved. Kendall scanned the man not being able to see the so called arm because of the bandages covering the entire thing. He heard groans of pain as people fell in and out of consciousness.

"So, this is the hospital, we all know what that means. Everyone works 8 hour shifts. Morning and afternoon shifts have 15 people on staff at all times whereas midnights only have 10 because of the decrease in activity." The young man said as he motioned towards the beds behind him.

"This is going to be just like New York except for the longer hours." Kendall whispered to Carlos who nodded before whispering, "yeah, figures."

The next week went by pretty fast as they got into the swing of things. Kendall had gotten used to the occasional crackle of gunfire that would take place just within ear shot. Though, as he worked in the hospital one afternoon he was preparing med's for a young man who was only 19 who had been badly burned when a grenade went off not too far from him. The flames had worked their way up his right side and licking his neck.

Kendall was shaken from his thoughts when he heard the gunfire he had gotten used to hearing from the thin walls of their sleeping quarters but never leaked into the hospital. Kendall exchanged a confused look with Carlos who was only a few rows over putting another blanket over a man who was shivering from his slight fever.

The two moved towards the front door of the hospital and opened the doors hearing the gunfire much closer than it had ever been, it also seemed a lot more intense than what he was used to.

"Carlos, what is going on?" Kendall said as they stepped back into the hospital.

"I don't know but it seems so much closer."

Suddenly, the phone that was hardly ever used, only when a smaller camp a few miles away needed more supplies, came to life. A man that had been there much longer than Kendall and Carlos answered the phone.

"OK, calm down, Soldier. Tell me what you need. OK, we will be there as soon as possible." The young man hung up the phone and turned to Kendall and Carlos.

"Tell everyone to report for duty as soon as possible." His voice was strained with a small amount of panic.

The two boys left the hospital running towards the dining hall hoping to find a good amount of men there.

**Alright guys, I'm hoping that this chapter wasn't too boring. I'm working up to something in the next chapter. Let me know what you all think! **


	24. Chapter 24

After a group of about 20 men gathered at the hospital they were all standing at attention. Kendall and Carlos were already panting from their adrenaline coursing through their bodies.

"OK men. We are going out to help! There are men in trouble and I don't know how bad it is. Just prepare for the worst and hope for the best. I want need 2 in the front and 3 in the back and follow me to the camp."

Kendall and Carlos ran to the first truck they could make it to Carlos jumped into the driver's side and threw their guns into the front seat while Kendall waited in back to make sure they had all three other men. As he jumped back into the front seat with Carlos as he laid his own gun across his lap and they were pulling out of their safe camp.

"Carlos, what do you think is gonna happen?" Kendall asked his voice wavering as he thought about the worst.

"You know were gonna be fine. Don't worry about it. We are just gonna run in after it's all done and were gonna grab everyone who needs help and come back here, were good!" Carlos said though Kendall could tell that he didn't even believe himself.

"Yeah, your right 'Los, were gonna be fine." Kendall said looking out his window doing what they were instructed to do. Prepare for the worst, but hope for the best, though that was much harder to do than say as the sound of the gunfire became louder with each passing second. Soon Kendall could make out what seemed to be a shaky village coming closer to them.

Suddenly they were all pulling to a screeching halt and jumping out of their trucks, their captain instructing them to grab bandages and morphine. He also said that they were going to be coming from behind our lines from the west side of the village. Their bags were pack within seconds and they were moving towards what they could see as small sand colored buildings. Carlos patted his helmet twice as him and Kendall exchanged a look of fear and hope.

"Stay together, ok?" Kendall said as he patted the smaller boys shoulder.

Carlos just nodded as they followed the rest of the men. They were moving silently and staying low behind the buildings. As messages was silently passed down the line for half of them to move across the street to more identical buildings. Kendall and Carlos were part of that group.

As they went to move across the street Kendall could feel his heart pounding on the inside of his chest. He ran his palm over his heart and felt the beating from outside. The men moved 4 at a time and Kendall looked behind him at the three standing behind him. He had Carlos, a red head he knew as Rusty, and another man he recognized but didn't know his name.

He peaked around the corner once more not seeing a living soul and he gave the OK sign before building up his courage, staying low, and darting across the dirt cover road. Once on the other side he leaned against the wall clinging to its rough sides. He looked at Carlos who was doing the same thing on his right and smiled with a strong exhale.

After everyone had made it safely across they were silently told to move forward. The men moved down both sides of what was thought to be "Main Street." The radio came to life on the two radiomen's chests', the voice saying, "We see you. Keep coming." There was a pause while they continued to walk guns at the ready. Kendall was in full alert mode. He analyzed every sound and checked around every corner not letting his guard down for anything. The radio came back to life telling them to come into the buildings they were now in front of. The men on the left side of the street entered the building on their side of the street while Kendall and Carlos along with the other men filed into the building on the right side of the street.

Once inside the ten men began to relax some feeling the protection of the walls around them. Kendall looked around them and saw that it seemed to have the main room and a kitchen but there were stairs leading to another level. After a moment of silence they heard a loud drawn out groan. It sounded as if it were a man in pain.

"Upstairs guys!" Someone said as they started up the stairs. "Come on." He urged them to follow him.

At the top of the stairs they entered another large and open room that took up the entire top floor. There were 12 men up there and some of them had minor cuts and bruises while there were three that seemed to be in critical condition. Kendall dropped down beside one pulling his bag off his shoulder and pulled his few supplies out. As he did a quick scan of the man's body it looked as if he had burns and possible shrapnel lodged in the side of his thigh. He also looked as if he had been burned across his right face and neck leading down his arm and chest. He pulled a pair of pre-packed gloves out of one of the compartments and pulled them onto his shaking hands.

Kendall looked into the man's dark hazel eyes that were filled with tears. Immediately James popped into his mind. A pang of fear and longing shot through his heart and stomach. He pushed it away shaking his head as he worked the bandages. "Hey man. Look at me." He said steadying his voice to sound strong and confident for the man that was now looking at him intently. He locked eyes again refusing to let James creep into his thoughts.

"How much pain you in on a scale from 1-10?" Kendall asked filling a syringe of morphine estimating the man weighed approximately 150 pounds. Regardless of his answer Kendall could see the pain that he was in or if not would be in as soon as his adrenaline began to diminish.

"Um…I think it's about a 7." He said through clenched teeth. "It hurts so bad!" The tears began to swell in his eyes as he took in the needle. "No, I can't do needles." He tried to move away from Kendall though he was able to grab the boy's ankles and hold him in place.

"Carlos, come here." Kendall said not moving his hands from their spots on the other males ankles. Carlos dropped beside them. "Here, hold him for me and talk to him so I can do this." Carlos just nodded doing as he was told.

"Hey buddy. My name is Carlos. What's yours? How old are you?" The Latino began as he tried to distract the uncooperative male. He stopped for a moment and thought before answering Carlos' questions allowing himself to be distracted.

"Um, my name is Christopher. I'm 18." Kendall ripped a whole in the side of his pants that wasn't over the badly burned leg and began to push the needle through the uninjured skin.

"Hey, do you have a girlfriend back home?" Carlos continued as the other boy through back his head in discomfort resisting Carlos' restraints.

"No, I don't. I left as soon as I got out of high school." He choked out now and had tears streaming down his cheeks. He looked as if he were a scared dog lost on the back roads in a thunderstorm.

"It's all good. No more needles ok?" Kendall said as he began to cut away the fabric that was sticking to the dried blood.

"That doesn't mean this doesn't hurt like hell!" He practically screamed at the two boy's trying to help him.

"I know. We are trying to help you. The medicine should kick in very fast since we gave it in the muscle." Carlos knew that it didn't mean shit to the younger teen but that's all he could think to say as he pulled on his own pair of gloves and began to assist Kendall in carefully peeling away the burnt material. "What happened to you?" Carlos asked out of curiosity.

"I was standing and I heard something to my right and about 20 yards away was a shitty grenade. I wasn't able to get any farther away from it before it went off." He said still wincing as the fabric brought skin with it.

After they had removed enough of the fabric to see the entire wound Kendall knew that that was exactly what had happened. He could see shards of the grenade in the skin and that it was in fact severely burned.

After they had gotten the leg wrapped they helped the boy remove his jacket and swear soaked, faded forest green t-shirt they saw that his chest and neck really weren't that bad but they were going to cover them so that his chances for infection were at least a little lessoned.

"Carlos, do you think he had a concussion from being that close to the force?" Kendall asked concern sweeping his features.

"It's a possibility but the doctor will be able to tell us that when we get him back to the hospital." Carlos said and Kendall knew it was true. They weren't really aloud to diagnose anything, just treat what they could at that very moment.

As they stood from the now sleeping and drugged boy they looked at each other now relieved that their first in the field experience went well.

They had waited hours until they finally got a call over the radio telling them to be packed and ready to move out in five minutes. Kendall gathered his now repacked backpack and he turned to Carlos who had just done the same. "Hey, help me carry him down the stairs."

They sat the boy up straight and put their shoulders into his armpits and they intertwined their fingers underneath the boy's thighs hoisting him into the air and they were able to gracefully able to carry him down the stairs as Rusty supported his head so he didn't hurt his neck as it rolled from the movement.

The four boys walked out the door just as the trucks were pulling to a stop in front of them. The four plus two others that they had met earlier that day packed into the back of the rumbling truck and they were on their way back to the hospital within minutes.

"Kendall?" Carlos whispered through the quiet and chilly air.

"Yeah buddy?" Kendall whispered back looking in the Latino's direction though he couldn't really see through the dark.

"You did really good today helping him. You didn't freak out or anything. I thought I was going to have a panic attack." Carlos replied sounding defeated.

"Hey, you did just as amazing as me. You didn't do a single thing wrong. You helped him by talking to him just as much as I did. Don't even think for a second I was any better than you." Kendall said in a stern voice.

Carlos nodded before replying "Thank you. That means a million."

It was another hour before everyone was now safe inside the hospital and had been fully checked over. Kendall and Carlos made their way to their beds in the already dark sleeping building. As soon as they were comfortable Carlos passed out and Kendall listened to his breathing for a moment before he pulled his phone out of his belongings. It didn't have any reception but it did have a picture of James flashing a toothy smile striking one of his many ridiculous poses that made everyone break out in laughter. Kendall went through his photos until he found one of him and the brunette laying on their backs looking up into the camera. They had serious looks on their faces and James was biting his lower lip his hazel eyes sparkling in the light. Kendall felt butterflies erupt in his stomach and he put his phone back away before things went any farther.

Only three more days until he would have his James back in his arms. He looked at Carlos through the dark knowing that he was more than likely missing Logan just as much even though he never showed it.

**I hope you like this chapter! It took me and entire day or brainstorming and constantly changing things but I finally got it! Please let me know what you think! **


	25. Chapter 25

In the morning they were able to sleep in for an extra hour due to the previous day's activities. Though, when the light began to shine through the windows at about 6:30 it cause Kendall to stir. He opened his eyes and saw that Carlos was also on his stomach though the light didn't seem to faze him a single bit. Kendall watched for a moment as he saw his body rise and fall with every breath. He thought about how he loved Carlos and he didn't know what the hell he would do without him every single day. He was like a brother he never had. He was always there for him and always stuck up for him no matter what happened.

"Carlos" Kendall watched the other male for any response what so ever. He didn't get any and he really didn't want to get out of his warm bed, hell he had 45 minutes before he had to be to the hospital. "Carlos" He said a little louder.

"What?" The Latino said back though he didn't move a single bit nor did he open his eyes.

"How ya feelin?" Kendall asked with a small smile.

"Like I wanna freaking sleep." He responded before pulling the blanket over his shoulders.

"Guess what?" Kendall asked as he pulled the blanket tighter around himself as well and closing his eyes again.

"What?"

"Logan and James come back on Monday."

There was a short pause and Kendall thought that Carlos had fallen back to sleep before he heard a pathetic and high pitch voice squeak back to him, "I know. I'm so happy!"

Kendall opened his eyes and couldn't help but smile and give a small laugh at what he saw. Carlos was smiling a huge smile though at the same time he was laughing. Kendall got up and sat next to Carlos who was now sitting on the edge of his own bed. He wrapped his arm around the Latino's shoulders and said "Hey buddy. It's ok. I'm gonna be super happy to see them to."

Carlos couldn't even speak because he was in a hysterical state. He nodded his head in response before he began to choke on his own tears. Kendall patted his back more forcefully and laughed. "Dude, I don't need you dying on me!"

This made the smaller boy laugh even more. He forcefully whipped the tears from his face as he stood and began to pull his clothes together. "I'm good!" He said through his wavering voice.

"Just think about how happy you're gonna be when they actually get here!" Kendall said as he stood to do the same.

After they had gone and ate what was left of their late breakfast they went to the hospital to start their day.

"Hey, let's go see how Christopher is." Carlos said as they pulled the door open and entered. They immediately wandered to the bed that they had left him in the night before….it was empty. Kendall turned to look for one of the medics. When he found one he walked quickly to him Carlos following on close on his heels.

"Hey." Kendall said in a harder voice than he meant to. The man turned around pausing his med-pass and Kendall spoke again trying to control his voice though it wasn't much better, "What happened to the guy in that bed?"

"Oh," The man looked to the ground before regaining his composure and continued, "He didn't make it through the night. The doctor said that the grenade had caused blood in the brain and the inflammation killed him early this morning. I'm sorry guys." He turned back to what he had previously been working on.

Kendall walked back to the bed that had been stripped and freshly made. He sat on the side knowing that they weren't supposed to due to contamination. He put his head in his hands and tried to choke down the tears that were now threatening to fall. He stood up quickly and began to pace back and forth.

Carlos wasn't dealing with this well either. He followed the blonde back to the bed and he stood silently and almost as still as a statue. He had his fist to his mouth biting down on his knuckles as if he were holding in a scream. He was the one to speak first, "How the fuck did he die. Kendall, we worked so hard! We saved him!" Carlos dropped his arms to his side and threw his head back hoping the tears would leave his eyes. "How could this happen! You were right about the concussion!"

Kendall wrapped his arms around the Latino as he let one tear that he couldn't control roll down his cheek. "I don't know buddy. I don't! And don't think about that! You know there was no way that we would have known. When he got here there was probably nothing that they could have done about it." Kendall released the boy and took a step back now regaining his composure.

Carlos took in a deep breath and said, "Alright, let's get to work. There is a shit ton for us to do today with everyone new."

Kendall nodded as he followed behind the dark haired boy to retrieve their med carts for their specific sections. Their day went by slow and they felt the sting of what had happened but it lessoned as they spoke with the men that had just come in with them the night before.

It was almost time for them to get off when they heard a plane. It wasn't like the small ones that are always coming back and forth with supplies and carrying men back and forth from places farther off. It was larger, much larger than anything they used over here. Kendall turned and looked at Carlos who was still looking in his med book though he soon noticed it too. They locked questioning eyes and ran to the front of the hospital. They saw the large white plane landing and Carlos spoke what both of them were thinking, "Is that from America?"

"I think so. But it doesn't make sense. They aren't supposed to be here till Monday. It's only Saturday!" Kendall shook his head knowing that he shouldn't get his hopes up and he advised the other boy of the same thing, "Come on. Let's finish and get out of here in 10 minutes. Don't get your hopes up. It's probably just supplies from the U.S."

Carlos nodded as they made their way back to the carts. They passed the last of their meds and packed their carts and relocked them, done within 5 minutes!

"Let's go change and get ready for dinner." Carlos said as he rubbed his stomach with a smile.

"Damn, is that all you think about is food?" Kendall asked with a small chuckle as they walked out of the hospital.

"Not quite." He narrowed his eyes with a devious hint in them and said, "I also think about…" he paused and scoped out a group of people that were walking towards the sleeping quarters that the corpsmen stayed in his eyes widened and he screamed at the top of his lungs, "LOGAN!"

**Yay! Early surprise! I'm excited for the next chapter…and the one after that! **


	26. Chapter 26

"Logan, oh my God!" Carlos raced to the group of people who were now all looking at them. Kendall caught sight of James who was standing next to Logan who was just now being attacked by Carlos. A huge smile spread across Kendall's face as he raced after towards him and threw himself into James' chest.

"Oh, my God! I missed you so much!" He could feel tears brimming his bright green eyes but he blinked them back enjoying the warmth of James' arms wrapped around him, which he missed so much.

"SOLDIERS!" The same man who had shown them around their first day screamed at them with a look of disgust on his face.

Kendall and Carlos snapped to attention knowing that they were the ones being yelled at for interrupting what they had been doing. "Yes, sir!" They boy yelled back in unison. Kendall could feel his cheeks brighten in embarrassment as the other men that he knew snickered. He could hear James and Logan both giggling like girls behind him; he groaned internally.

"Just what the hell do you think you are doing?" The shorter man said as he took a step closer to them his face turning stern.

Carlos began to stutter losing his composure until Kendall said unsurely, "Coming to see our boyfriends?"

"No, you two were just going to clean the bathrooms. You know where the supplies are."

Kendall looked at him with a 'really, really!' look on his face. He turned on his heels and kissed James with a small moan escaping his lips knowing that he was pushing his luck.

"Move IT!" the man screamed and the two boys left for the bathrooms. They both laughed as they thought about how they loved pissing that man off. He was always the one who yelled at them for their stupid actions.

"Oh my God! I am so happy! Kendall you have no idea!" Carlos went on a rant, "Dude! I can't wait to make out with him! Those kisses were just a tease." He stood and watched Kendall rummage through the closet and pull out a mop, two buckets, a wash rag, a bottle of bleach and a pair of yellow protective gloves.

"Carlos, calm boy!" Kendall said as he laughed beginning to fill the bucket with hot water before adding the bleach.

Carlos followed his actions and filled his smaller bucket with water and bleach. He pulled on the rubber gloves and grabbed the cloth to wash the mirrors and stalls. "No, I'm excited! And I hate this job! It's so gross!"

"I am excited to buddy! I have missed James and Logan so much! I do understand how excited you are! I wish we were with them right now!" Kendall bit his lip thinking about what he and James had done the night before he left. He wanted that again so bad.

They rushed through the chore and were still late to dinner. They grabbed the first food they could get to and looked for James and Logan as if they were running into a game shop on Black Friday scared that they weren't gonna get the most talked about game of the season.

They found the two other males laughing while eating their dinner. Kendall walked as fast as possible while not spilling what was on his tray. He dropped it next to James who jumped slightly. Before James could do anything he felt Kendall's strong arms wrap around him before letting out a soft groan as Kendall peppered the delicate flesh of his neck with kisses. "Like?" Kendall breathed against James' ear; he smiled when the brunette shuddered.

"Mmhmm," James answered as he bit down on his lower lip and relaxed against the blonde.

"Give me a kiss." Kendall whispered as he turned James' face to him and he leaned over to place a soft kiss on the brunette's lips.

He sat on the bench next to his boyfriend and began to play with his food more than eat it. He laughed as he saw how Carlos was finally getting his wish answered as he made out with Logan forgetting that he even had food. 'Guess he does think about more than food.' Kendall thought to himself before he said out loud to James, "Hey, I missed you so much."

James smiled at the blonde and leaned forward and placed a gentle kiss across his lips, "I love you so much."

"I love you to." Kendall said and pushed away his tray not hungry anymore. All we wanted to do was go somewhere with James where no one else could find them. He thought about it for a moment then said "Follow me." He stood and grabbed his tray to throw his practically untouched meal away.

Kendall held James' hand tight as they walked into the cold air of the night sky. "I found this latter when me and Carlos were going for a jog. I'm pretty sure I know where it leads."

"How about we go and grab some blankets? It's kinda cold out here." James said as he stopped and looked at the doors to the sleeping quarters.

"We won't need them, babe." Kendall told him with a smile and a squeeze of his hand. He moved towards the back side of the hospital building and climbed the ladder waiting for James to join him. He looked across the empty roof then moved toward a door that led to a room that was perched on the roof.

Kendall walked to a door to a second floor of the building. When he pulled it open it squealed in protest due to the lack used. Kendall smiled over his shoulder at James when he saw that it led to exactly where he thought it did. Him and Carlos had gone exploring in the hospital one day and stumbled across this place on accident. It was a small room that was bare of anything except for a few boxes that were filled with forgotten medical supplies. He looked up to the glass ceiling and wondered why it was the way it was. He could see every star that peppered the dark sky. He pulled James into the room and closed the door behind him. The taller male laid the blanket on the floor before he sat down pulling Kendall with him.

The blonde sat between James' legs and leaned back against his broad chest. "Kendall, this place is amazing." James placed butterfly kisses in the crook on Kendall's neck while wrapping his arms protectively around his small waist.

"I know. I wonder why the ceiling is like this though." Kendall said as he tilted his head to the left allowing James more access to the delicate flesh.

"I don't know, but it's amazing." James whispered. The breath against Kendall's flesh sent a shiver through the blonde's body. Kendall's mind wandered back to the night before he left and he turned quickly on James pushing him to the floor as he pushed his lips hard against the brunettes.

James moaned into Kendall's mouth and the blonde took this opportunity to push his tongue into his boyfriend's mouth. He tasted every spot of James that he could reach for the first time dominating, though it was short lived. James rolled them in one swift movement so that he was now between Kendall's legs with his hands on each side of the blonde. Kendall arched his back as he felt James run his hand up under his shirt. He gripped his sides tightly pulling another moan from the blonde.

"Kendall, I love you so much. I can't even tell you how much I have missed you." James pressed his lips to the other male's collar bone and nibbled gently.

"Hmm. I missed you to." His breath hitched in his throat and James bit down on his neck. "Ahh, James." He bit his lip pushing his body tightly against the brunettes. Kendall pulled at the ends of James' shirt before pulling it up and over his head. James threw the fabric to the corner of the room not concerned with where it landed.

James went back to Kendall's shirt and pulled it off of him and began nipping at the newly revealed flesh. Kendall clutched onto James' shoulders and dug his nails into the perfect tan skin. James moaned against Kendall's sternum where his lips were placed. Kendall could feel his body becoming aroused to the stimulus that James was giving him.

Bam! There was a huge thud against the door they had entered ten minutes ago. They scrambled to their feet and James slowly made his way cautiously to the door. When he opened it two bodies fell to the floor unexpectedly. "Carlos! Logan! What the FUCK!"

The two boys jumped to their feet taking in the two half naked bodies standing in front of him. "Kendall! Really? You got here first!"

"Yeah, and you just ruined the mood." Kendall said wrapping his arms around his body as the cold air flooded the room, nipping at his bare skin.

"Come on guys. We all got plenty of time to make up for the last two weeks." Logan said trying to play peace maker.

"Yeah, I guess you're right." James mumbled as he picked up his and Kendall's shirts. He handed the smaller male his before he pulled on his own.

"Hey, where did you guys put your stuff?" Carlos asked as they entered the sleeping quarters to get ready for bed.

"We just threw it on some empty beds over there." Logan said pointing to the back of the room.

"Go grab it our beds are right here." Kendall said pointing to his.

"Oh, someone already has the ones next to you guys though." Logan said almost pouting.

"Yeah, but they just got here to." James piped in trying to console Logan's concerns. We can ask them if they wanna trade us." Logan nodded hoping that they wouldn't mind. He hated to inconvenience anyone.

After James had persuaded the two men to move Logan finally started to brighten up after their little fiasco on the roof. He wrapped his arms around Carlos' waist and smiled contently.

They lay on their beds until Kendall finally asked, "James, you weren't able to bring your guitar were you?"

He groaned and replied, "No, they said it would be too much to worry about especially when we get sent out somewhere where we won't be able to come back here in a few days." Kendall's mind jolted to the day before and how he was in a sand colored building wrapping bandage's around a badly burned boy.

"Hey, that's ok though, doesn't mean we can't sing." Carlos said with a smile across his face. He always loved to sing with James. It was one of his favorite things to do back in New York.

An hour later they were changed and ready for bed. James and Kendall had their beds pushed together while Logan and Carlos did the same. The lights were turned out and Kendall was wrapped around James holding him protectively. He thought back to his day. He thought about the man that he had taken care of just the day before and how this morning he found out he was dead. His blood began to boil once more though this time he was able to hold it in. He knew that this was going to happen. He thought about Carlos and how he had barely reacted. As if on cue he heard Carlos call his name from behind him.

Without moving he asked, "What's wrong buddy?" He rubbed his fingertips gently across James' smooth chest.

"Kendall, I…I don't, I can't believe he died." Carlos was fighting with the sob that was caught in his throat. Kendall could hear Logan trying to calm the young Latino. "Kendall, I thought he was gonna live and he was gonna be there when we went to see him this morning. He's gone. We weren't able to do our jobs!

Kendall stood as James sat up in the dark. The blonde clumsily wandered to where Carlos was now sitting on the side of his bed with Logan perched beside him on his knees. "Carlos, we did everything we could. You know that!" The anger was starting to show in voice as he also thought about how they had failed him and how he had promised that he was going to help and take care of him.

Carlos stood suddenly and sent his fist through the dry wall and began screaming, "What did we do wrong! We did EVERYTHING! We promised him Kendall. We broke that. He was so scared!" Carlos let a scream escape between his teeth before he broke and leaned against Kendall's chest. Kendall wrapped his arms around the Latino and he couldn't hold back the tears he had been suppressing knowing that in the field he chose to go into he had to get over it. But it wasn't that easy. It was never that easy. Even when you do everything you can for them they still die.

Kendall could now see through the dark some as his eyes adjusted. He saw how he was looking at the ground and his features were filled with hurt. Kendall knew it was because Carlos had come to him with this problem instead of giving Logan the chance to help. But how could Carlos do that! Only Kendall was there for that traumatic experience and only he fully understood what the smaller boy was going through. He still felt bad for Logan though.

"Carlos, go back to bed. Everything is gonna be ok. He wasn't in pain when he died." Kendall pulled the boy off of him and sent him to his bed.

**Let me know what you all think! The last part of this chapter is very personal to me so I hope that it is portrayed well! **


	27. Chapter 27

Everything seemed so surreal; James and Logan were back, though something seemed different. Kendall almost felt as if they didn't have the same connection like he felt with Carlos, though that is to be expected, right? Carlos was there for the first person that they had saved…and in the end lost. It had just been the day before that they had gotten the news and Kendall didn't know how to deal with his feelings yet. He still felt anger and hurt and guilt for not being able to do his job properly.

He shook his head when he heard a voice calling his name, "What?"

"Hey, you ok?" James asked looking at him with concern evident in his eyes.

"Oh, yeah, I'm fine." He said though his voice was a little faulty, not fooling James, "I'm just tired." He reached for the other males hand and squeezed it tight under the table forcing a small smile. It wasn't completely a lie, he was tired since he didn't sleep to well the night before because he was thinking about how Carlos was hurting and trying to deal with his own feelings.

"Kendall, you can talk to me. That's why I'm here. OK?" James said looking deep into Kendall's green ones. Kendall dropped his eyes and looked at their intertwined fingers that were now covered by James' other hand in almost a pleading manner. Kendall knew that he should be able to talk to James about everything. This seemed so personal though, something between him and Carlos.

He looked up at the Latino who hadn't eaten a single bite. This broke the blonde's heart knowing that Carlos was 'always hungry'. Kendall gently nudged the smaller boy with his foot and caught his eye, "Carlos, aren't you gonna eat?"

"No, I'm not hungry." He replied pushing his plate away in finality.

"You need to eat, bud. We gotta go to work soon." He felt like a hypocrite saying this since he had only eaten a few bites of his own food, and it didn't go unnoticed.

"You haven't eaten either, Kendall!" Carlos snapped back.

Kendall winced at the harshness in his voice. He never sounded angry. "I know your right. I'm just not hungry either." A thought popped into his head and brought pain with it as he thought of his mother telling him this very same thing, "We can't get attached Carlos. We can't think about it when this stuff happens. We have to move on and give everything we have to the next patient. We can't let our own feelings get us down or tired because then we can't give our all. We have to be stronger." He tightened his grip on James' hand as he swallowed the lump in his throat without ease.

Carlos' expression had weakened into one of almost thought or numbness. He looked as if he were in shock, though he soon recovered. "Yeah, I know your right. It's just hard, Kendall. We told him we would take care of him and that he was going to be ok. We broke our promises. We even told him we would see him in the morning.

There's that guilt again. It shot through his chest as he nodded, "Yeah, I know we did. But we can't think about it. We have to move on and get over it. Like I said last night, he wasn't in pain, hell, he was probably hardly aware of what was going on."

Carlos didn't respond to this. What else was there to say? Nothing! There isn't a single damn thing to say to any of that. It was the truth and that was that. You have to leave your work out of your personal feelings and personal lives. He looked at James who was looking between him and the Latino worried. Logan hadn't said a single word. He didn't do well under these sorts of incidences. He never really knew what to say.

Kendall had to say something to James, he just didn't know what to say so he said the first thing that came to his mind when he locked in on those beautiful hazel eyes, "I love you."

James let out a huff of air that he had seemed to have been holding, a small smile danced across his lips as he pulled Kendall into a tight hug, "I love you too."

Kendall went through the mail that had been dropped on the end of his bed. He divided it out between him, James, Carlos, and Logan. He saw how there was a letter for James that had vaguely familiar hand writing on it and Kendall looked at the top left hand corner, Erin. "Oh. Hell no!" Kendall whispered to himself as he looked down at the letter that was in his now shaking hands. He shook his head knowing that it wouldn't be right to open the envelope and read James' stuff. He trusted him right? Yeah, he had told him so the night before he had left to come here. Of course he trusted him. Kendall stood to drop the envelope on James' bed before he noticed another envelope that had been tucked in the side of the brunette's duffel bag. Kendall looked over his shoulder to make sure that James and Logan hadn't come back from kitchen duty and Carlos was still in the bathroom doing whatever the hell Carlos does in there that takes so long. He snatched the other envelope from its spot in the bag and saw that it had been opened. It also had the same girly hand writing with Erin's name neatly printed on the top where the return address is to be labeled.

Kendall shook his head feeling anger build inside of his chest. He didn't know what the hell to think at this point. God damn! It just seemed so strange that his ex of _three years _had sent him _multiple _letters. Kendall's curiosity got the best of him.

He pulled the letter out of the already opened envelope and whispered "Jesus Christ, so help me" to himself before he began to read the letter.

** I'm sorry that it took me so long to update. A lot has been going on between work and school. I have also been dealing with problems in the family. Sorry once again! Read and let me know what you think! **


	28. Chapter 28

_James, _

_ I know it has been a while since we have talked but I couldn't hold it in any longer, I still love you. I broke up with my boyfriend because every time I was with him all I could think about was you. I know, it's weird, right? Anyways, I never stop thinking about you. I love you more than you would ever know and you are perfect in every way imaginable. It was so wrong for me to break up with you just because you were going into the military. I should have been so proud of you and I am! What you are doing is amazing and I could never do it. It's not fair to either of us to just throw away three years of our lives and love just because I made a stupid mistake and decided I was too good for you when I'm not. You are way better of a person that I could ever imagine being. I hope you can forgive me and we could maybe try to go back to the way we were before you left. I miss you so much babe and I'm never going to stop loving you. _

_ I love you always,_

_ Erin_

Kendall let his hand drop to his lap as he looked at the wall in front of him letting what he just read sink in. If it meant nothing to James why did he keep it, though he did keep every letter that he ever had, even the one where this fucking bitch broke up with him in the first place, though Kendall would never understand that?

Kendall was putting the envelope back in its envelope and was about to replace it to its spot in James' bag. "Kendall," the blonde froze, "what are you doing?"

There was no sense in even trying to hide this and why not get this horrible conversation done now. The blonde looked up and saw James standing over him, arms crossed, eyes dark. Logan and Carlos were standing at his sides also looking down at the blonde, though not quite as intimidating.

Kendall stood with the letter still in his hand. "James," He began though he didn't know where to go with it so he just held it out to the brunette who just looked at the letter in his hand like it were a bomb.

"Kendall, I can explain!" James threw his hands out in front of himself and now looked just as defensive as Kendall felt, "That means nothing."

"Did you write back to her?" Kendall asked his confidence and anger growing.

"Yes, I did." James' eyes dropped to the floor as his features went soft as if he were a child who gave up arguing with their parents. Suddenly his eyes shot back up and he looked pissed again, "Why were you though my things? It's one thing to look through them; it's another to read a personal letter."

"James, what did you do?" Kendall's voice dropped an octave in annoyance.

"I wrote her back. Though, I don't have to tell you anything until you tell me why you were reading that."

"I don't want to get hurt, James. That's why!" Kendall replied hoping that if he gave James what he wanted he would get what he wants.

James took a step closer, "I would never hurt you, Kendall," His eyes and voice once again softer.

Kendall shoved the letter into his chest not letting his features soften, "Then open this, tell me what it says." He practically demanded.

"Don't you trust me?" James asked still gentle.

"This will prove it and show me how much I can trust you." Kendall replied, though as soon as the words left his mouth he knew they weren't true. He did trust James and always has. He even told him the night that he gave himself to the other male. He had to fight the urge to shake the thoughts out of his head not wanting to show any weakness.

Before the blonde knew it, he was on the floor holding his cheek where James' fist had just made contact.

"JAMES!" Carlos sand Logan both yelled at as they knelt next to their blonde friend.

Carlos stood and took the still panting James by the wrist and led him out of the building.

"Logan," Kendall started though his voice cracked and he could feel the tears sting the back of his eyes, though not from the physical pain but the emotional pain from James just telling him that he would never hurt him then turn around and do this. There was also the slight shock that was slowly subsiding as he took in what just happened.

"Come on, buddy. Let's stand up." Logan said pulling the nodding blonde to his feet.

He let his fingers graze over the tender spot on his cheek bone, gently wincing at the pressure. "Logan," He tried again this time successful, "He punched me." No shit dumby.

"I know. Carlos is talking to him. He will calm down and be ok." Logan said sitting on the bed that Kendall was now slumped on and rubbing his back.

"Logan, I shouldn't have said that. What was I thinking? I trust James with everything. I guess I was just mad and I didn't want…" He trailed off not knowing what he was planning to say after that then something hit him, "I just want James. And I want him to just me mine and only mine. I love him!" Kendall palmed his chest hoping to relieve some of the emotions pooling there. "I can't lose him, he is everything I want."

Logan just nodded letting the other male let everything out, though he was ranting. When the brunette thought that it was safe to talk he said, "I know, bud. You just gotta give him some space. You know that he doesn't mind you going through his things, he trusts you, though you should have asked him about it instead of reading the letter without his permission. What did it say that upset you so much anyway?"

"It was his ex-girlfriend of fucking three years. She said that she broke up with her boyfriend after James to get back with him because when she was with the other guy all she could think about was James." He threw himself back on the bed letting out a sound that was almost a growl.

Logan lay down next to him on his stomach so that he could see his friend, "Kendall, James hadn't replied to that yet, and if he had then you have no idea what he said. You can't be mad at him until you know what he said to her."

"I know." Kendall said his voice portraying the guilt that was now added to all the emotions gathering in his already tight chest, "I was just mad, and not at James even, I guess his ex for coming back into his life when he was, no is, mine!" He ran his hand over his face before throwing his arm down beside him.

Logan focused on him taking in every emotional detail coming across his face making sure to avoid the bruise that was now forming on his left cheek. "I know, but you have to talk to him, alone."

"What if he tries to hit me again?" Kendall said resisting the urge to touch the bruise.

"Don't think about that. He was made too. I'm sure he didn't mean to. I know he has a raging attitude but if you are honest with him and you don't get mad at him and stay civil than he should to." Logan said in a comforting voice.

"Yeah, I guess you're right."

The lights were turned out for about a half hour and Kendall was already in bed facing away from where James would be lying if him and Carlos were back yet, which they weren't. Logan had long fallen asleep even before the lights turned out.

He heard foot steps outside the door and he closed his eyes doing his best to steady his breathing to pretend he was asleep. He didn't want to talk to James, not yet.

He listened as the footsteps went around his bed and he heard James going through his bag. He felt his chest tighten once again as he thought that James was ignoring him, though he didn't move not wanting to give it away that he was still awake. It went silent for a moment before he heard James move closer to him and place his hand on Kendall's hip, he had to force himself to not stiffen up, "I'm so sorry, babe. I will never hurt you again. I hope you can forgive me." James bent forward and kissed Kendall's cheek tightening his grip on the small boy's hip.

"Come on buddy. Let's get ready for bed." Carlos said and with that they left for the bathrooms.


	29. Chapter 29

Work the next day was absolute torture. James had the front of the building while Kendall had the far back. He knew it was weird but he watched James intently the entire day. He watched as James walked up to a young man who had a severe concussion and had a bandage wrapped tightly around his arm where he had gotten an excessive amount of shrapnel wounds. James was always so calm and threw all of his compassion into his work.

The blonde rested his elbows on the med cart in front of him and rested his forehead in the palms of his hands. He thought back to something that James had said to him, 'I love what I do, Kendall. It's everything to me. I have so much love and passion for it I couldn't imagine doing anything else. We are makin a huge difference in people's lives. This isn't work for me. I love it." He wished that at that moment James could say the same about him. He shook his head letting his thoughts get carried away, "Fuck my life." He whispered to himself.

"Hey buddy." Kendall jumped at the sounds of Logan's voice. He hadn't even heard him come up to him.

"I didn't know you were there." Kendall breathed through slightly parted lips.

"I just came to talk to Carlos." Logan said as he looked past Kendall in the direction of the Latino who was administering a clear liquid into an IV tube.

"Well, thanks a lot prick." Kendall grumbled before he collected the meds for his next patient.

"Hey, be sweet!" Logan said in slight offense, "No, but seriously. Are you ok?"

"Logan, does James even want to talk to me?" Kendall asked and after a half second of silence he added, "I saw you talking to him the other day and Carlos won't tell me shit."

"Yeah, I did talk to him." Logan said quietly, "He said that he wants you to come to him first. He feels horrible about what happened and wants to give you the space to get over it. He said that he wants to show you the next letter he got when you are ready to talk." Logan stopped and looked over at James who was now gathering more meds with his back towards them, "Though, you didn't hear any of that from me."

"Yeah, I won't say anything." He paused before looking Logan in the eye, "thank you. I really appreciate it." He pulled the smaller boy in for a tight hug which he quickly returned.

"You're welcome bud. If you ever need to talk you know I'm here." He whispered in the blonde's ear before pulling back, "Now if you'll excuse me I have a boyfriend to go and see." He winked and with that he left in pursuit of Carlos.

After work Kendall made his way to his bed and dug violently through his things for his iPod, which he hadn't used in quite some time. He climbed to his hide out that he had shown the James and the one that Carlos and Logan had invaded them. He put the ear buds in his ears and searched his songs. God, he had such a variety. He wasn't really into country but he had a few songs that he only listened to when he needed to vent and get his feelings out in the air.

After he found what he was looking for he pressed play and let the instrumental part wash over him. He felt tears sting his eyes though he refused to let them fall. Not now. He wasn't going to be weak. He listened to the lyrics of the first verse then belted the Corus.

"No, baby don't, you're makin my heart hurt, don't say those words, take it back, you know you don't mean that." After the song didn't do what he needed it do, he skipped it finding one that had a faster tempo.

This one was better. He belted it from the very beginning while pacing the room. "I never felt nothing in the world like this before, Now I'm missing you and I'm wishing you would come back through that door." He threw his head back pushing his voice from his gut, "Ooh, why did you have to go? You could have let me know, so now I'm all alone." He leaned against the cold wall taking in the next few lines letting it all sink in. He continued feeling anger begin to build, _almost _surpassing his hurt "So why does your pride make you run and hide, are you that afraid of me? But I know it's a lie, what you keep inside, this is not how you want it to be."

He pushed off the wall and put his forehead against it hitting it with his fist as he continued to Corus all of his emotions mixing together, "So baby I will wait for you, 'cause I don't know what else I can do. Don't tell me I ran out of time, if it takes the rest of my -." He jumped feeling a hand rest on his right hip.

He didn't move knowing who it was but he slowly removed one of the buds from his ear letting the other one continue to play him the song. He looked at the ground where he could barely see James' military distributed boots. He felt as the skin under his hand became hot from the contact. He wanted to lean into it though he resisted the urge remembering the same thing the night before.

"You sounds amazing, Kendall," James' voice was gentle and full of love.

"How did you know I was here?" Kendall said his voice flat.

"This is where you always come to think." He paused as if contemplating whether or not he should continue with what he was going to say, "Logan was worried about you, said you were upset."

"Yeah, I talked to him."

There was a dense silence. James still hadn't removed his hand. Kendall closed his eyes and gently bit his lip.

"Kendall, please." James said desperation slowly sneaking into his voice.

"James…" The thought of James hitting him came flooding back quickly. He reached to his side and held James' hand in place as he stood straight his back still to the taller male, he traced his fingers over the bruise that now showed on his prominent cheek bones.

"Kendall, I'm sorry. Please look at me." James' grip tightened considerably on the soft flesh of the blonde's hip. He took a step closer to Kendall and rested his forehead on the smaller males shoulder. "Do you trust me?"

This broke the blonde. The memories flooding back to him of the night he gave himself to James. He had said yes. He couldn't be mad at him. He had gone looking for the trouble. It was his fault, though James should have told him. No! James didn't have to. As long as he wasn't sneaking around Kendall's back with this girl, though Kendall didn't know he wasn't. Yes, he trusted James.

He slowly turned towards James who now had his hand placed on Kendall's left him and pulled him close to him pressing his chest against the blondes. "James." A hint of pain was in his voice as his cheek was pressed tightly to the larger male's body.

"Yeah, babe," James said into the crook of Kendall's neck. The blonde pulled back and James' eyes went directly to the bruise. He went to touch it before Kendall caught his hand.

"Don't touch, it still hurts." Kendall said looking down as if he had been caught doing something wrong.

"Kendall! Oh, my God!" James had tears in his eyes. Kendall didn't think he had ever seen him cry before. It broke his heart.

"James, don't." Kendall couldn't bear to see him cry like this.

"I hurt you. I said I wouldn't." Kendall could feel him begin to shake against his body. He needed to stop him and words weren't going to do it. He pushed his lips against the brunettes forcefully and needing. There was hardly any hesitation before James returned it and had the blonde against the wall. Kendall felt something in the pit of his stomach, and it grew with each moment their lips were together. He ran his fingers through the brunette hair while cupping the side of James' neck with his right hand and pressing his hips to the taller males. He let out a soft whimper when James pulled away, though kept him against the wall.

"James, of course I trust you." Kendall said through small pants trying to regain his breath.

James took his hand off of Kendall's hip just long enough to hand the blonde an open envelope. He turned it over in his hands and saw that it was from Erin. "This is the one that you didn't see."

Kendall pulled the piece of paper out of the envelope. He saw that it was only a few lines long. He looked up at James questioning asking for more permission. James nodded gently. Kendall looked back down at the piece of paper and read the short message.

_Fine, dick! I hope you have fun with your little man. May you both rot in hell….FUCK YOU BOTH! _

"Well, that was rude." Kendall let out a small laugh before he even knew it was coming. Looking up at James he quickly regained his composure and mumbled a sorry.

"Don't be sorry. After that I'm glad that we have nothing anymore. And I couldn't ask for more than you. You're everything." James said as he placed his lips on Kendall's once again.


	30. Chapter 30

**Warning: gets a little graphic later in the chapter! It is something that is hard for me at work so I wanted to put it out there. Let me know what you all think! I know it's a pretty long chapter. And again I don't own any thing that you may recognize! **

"Alright ladies," Screamed the man who had brought all of them to this place that was, believe it or not, chillier than New York. "You have all spent some decent amount of time here right?" Before the men standing at attention before him could answer be started again, "Well, you are all going on a mission and you will want to bring lots of food and water. You will be doing some hiking."

There were about 12 of them line up at attention and as the man stared at them Kendall could have sworn that everyone had stopped breathing, it was so silent. Kendall had, he was holding his breath scared that he would shatter a window with the slight noise.

When the man took in a breath to talk again Kendall winced, though was surprised at what came out, "You guys will leave in two days. Eat lots and drink lots, go on a few runs and make sure that you are still in shape, though you all should have been doing that anyways!" His voice was soft and almost a hint of concern was filtered in as well.

Kendall's body loosened up a bit as he took in what he was saying, was he hinting that this was going to be a bad place, well of course it was! They wouldn't need so many corpsmen if it weren't. He resisted the urge to reach out to James who was standing at his right. He had a straight face as he stood stiffly at attention, like Kendall should have been. The blonde looked out of the corner of his eye on the other side and saw Carlos standing next to him. His eyes looked horrified but his body was just as erect as James'. Kendall couldn't see Logan around Carlos but he knew that Logan would look strong on the outside but on the inside he was having an emotional meltdown.

"Alright, men, get to work. You will all work your normal shifts tomorrow and tonight but on Monday we move out." He ended strong and waved his hand for them to relax.

For a second none of them moved. They just watched as their leader walked away from them. Kendall let his body relax into a shaking fit though his feet didn't move. He was looking at the ground in front of him not trust his voice to even speak.

'_What the fuck!" _He thought to himself, "_I don't know if I can do this. Oh, my God! No, snap out of it! You can't be weak, you're a marine! Toughen up soldier." _Even though no one else could hear his internal conversation he still felt stupid for having it, giving himself a little pep talk.

He turned to Carlos who had put a hand on his shoulder, "Hey 'Los. You ok?" Kendall asked trying to force himself to smile.

"Yeah, are you?" He asked his face was at peace but his eye's showed that he was terrified.

"Yeah," Kendall hugged him briefly before adding, "We've done this before, remember?" He forced himself to smile even though the last time they went out it wasn't all that bad. They didn't even get close to any danger really. The other group was the ones that went and got the men that were still in the heat of the battle.

All Carlos did was nod, averting his eyes to the ground. He was Kendall's best friend and it broke his heart to see the smaller male this way. "Hey, let's get inside." James said placing his hand gently on Kendall's hip.

"Come on Carlos," Logan said doing the same thing to the Latino and led him into the warm, or warmer, building.

That night after dinner the few men that were picked for this mission were packing; not that they really had much to pack. They were given more uniforms that were more suited for the cold weather that seemed to never let up. They had about a foot of snow on the ground, it wasn't anything new to Kendall, Logan on the other hand had gotten better though he still wasn't on good terms with the white substance.

The four boys were quiet, they were never quiet. Kendall figured that they were scared to say the wrong thing and upset the others, at least Kendall was. He didn't want to upset the others, he didn't want to scare them or piss them off. He grabbed his iPod and set off to the side, he would need it tonight. Music always calmed him, whether he was pissed, scared, worried, or heart broke. He packed his neatly folded clothes into the small bag that they were allowed to bring and their pre-packaged food.

Kendall looked at it and crinkled his nose not looking forward to when he would be hungry enough to actually eat it. He threw it into the bag with more force than necessary, and shoved his packed back under his bed to keep it out of the way since there already really wasn't a significant amount of room between the beds to begin with.

He grabbed his tooth brush and tooth paste that he had left out and his iPod. Turning to James who was still slowly and carefully folding his clothes said, "Hey, babe, I'm gonna get ready for bed." James nodded as Kendall gave him a small peck on the lips.

"Love you," James said in a small voice.

"Love you too," Kendall said back before walking out of the sleeping quarters to the bathroom's next door.

Yet, another day or torture at work, this time for a few completely different reasons. First, there weren't as many patients to actually take care of because most of them had healed and headed off to do their next jobs just leaving the most critical. Second, he didn't want to end up here being taken care of, it was kind of a pride thing, he was the one that was supposed to be taking care of people, not the other way around. And third, he was just plain terrified. What if one of his friends ended up here and he had to take care of them, what if one of them died on his watch.

Kendall shook his head trying to rid himself of the awful thoughts that were brewing there. "_No, don't think like that. You can't think like that if you want to take care of everyone and want to protect your friends." _They really weren't friends any more though, they were a family. They were so close and actually lived together.

(WARNING: This may seem a little disturbing to some.)

Kendall flipped through the folder of patients he had to take care of and skimmed the records seeing that he had to change a catheter. "Ugh, I hate doing this." He mumbled to himself. It always made him uncomfortable, not because he was invading someone's personal space; he did that a lot with bed baths but that fact that he had to put a tube in a very sensitive area, and the fact that he wasn't able to remove it immediately. He hated Foley catheters.

He gathered his Foley kit and the medications for the young man. Kendall had known him for a while, his name was John and he was 22. He had been in a car when it ran over a mine that was too deep in the ground to actually kill anyone but still strong enough to injure everyone in the vehicle critically. He was paralyzed from the waist down and that was why he needed the Foley.

Once Kendall had all his necessities he looked around him for someone to help. He saw Logan walking back to his med cart and he called out, "Hey, Logan come here and help me, please." The brunette nodded and held up one finger with the 'give me a sec' sign. James wasn't working today he was off helping cook or whatever he was told to do that day. Kendall's mind wandered to if he had to clean the bathrooms then shuddered remembering when him and Carlos got in trouble and had to do it, gross.

As Logan approached him he started to walk towards the bed, "I need to change a catheter."

"Ok, do you wanna do it or should I?" Logan asked knowing how uncomfortable it made the blonde.

"No, I need to be able to do it. What happens if I'm not ok with doing something in the field? I don't have a choice unless I wanna be the reason someone dies because I don't want to help them." Kendall said in a matter of fact tone.

Logan just nodded as they approached the bed. Kendall pulled the curtain to hide them from view. He hated that even though no one could see what was going on behind the curtain they could still hear. There were days when there wasn't a room for them to go into to give stitches or clean a wound because the few rooms they had were being used for emergency surgeries. This was one of those times when it wasn't necessary to go through the trouble of wheeling someone's bed into the back of the building, though Kendall wished he could.

Logan gently shook the sleep man's shoulder and whispered for him to wake up. "Kendall, what's his name?"

"John."

"Hey, John, wake up. We got some medication here for you to take." Logan said as he continued to shake him. John slowly started to still and looked up at Logan with dazed eyes. Logan just smiled at him.

Kendall set the kit on the bedside table and began to lay everything out being very careful to keep it sterile. If he touched any little thing without the sterile gloves on he would have to throw this kit away and get a new one. That was a pain in the ass.

Logan had finished giving him his medication and came to the blondes side, "What do you want me to do?"

"Can you just hold his hand? I have to take the old one out and put in the new, I already emptied the bag." Kendall said as he skillfully put the gloves on without contamination.

Logan moved to the other side of the bed again and took the young man's hand in his. "Hey, we need to change your catheter so you gotta be strong for us, ok?" John bit his lip but nodded locking his blue eyes on Logan's dark ones. Logan didn't break the stare but asked, "Kendall, how many times as he had this done?" He was almost scared to hear the answer knowing that these needed to be changed about every two weeks and John had been here for a while. It was a horrible procedure, and it didn't help that they were awake and not numbed for it. It hurt but was more so very uncomfortable due to the extreme amount of pressure. It became very irritating to the urethra and it would become inflamed and sore.

"This will be his fourth change. He has had it since he got here." Kendall watched as Logan winced slightly though he smiled at the man in the bed who had a death grip on Logan's smaller gloved hands. "Logan. I already have my gloves on, can you pull back the blanket and his boxers, lay the towel down over the blankets also." Logan whispered a hold on to the man and did as he was told quickly so that this would be over with as soon as possible.

Kendall prepped the tubing with the iodine and lube and he stood over the male in the bed shaking, this was only his second time doing this. "Logan, hold his hands." Logan did as he was told though the younger male was watching Kendall's every move.

Kendall saw out of the corner of his eye as Logan put his hand on the boy's cheek and turned his face to look at him. "Hey, look at me." Logan began asking him questions about home as Kendall laid the new tube down and grabbed a syringe to empty the balloon that was inflated in John's bladder before he quickly, without warning pulled it out smoothly. He looked at John who had let out a small whine and was biting his lip. Logan continued to tell him that it was going to be ok and that Kendall was good at this and knew exactly what he was doing.

'_Yeah, Kendall knows exactly what he is doing but good at it, not so sure about that Logan.' _He thought to himself before putting the old tubing into a bag that he had brought for disposables and grabbed the new tube and a the syringe with the new saline. He could see his own hands shaking and he was telling himself to stay calm it wasn't going to kill him.

He grabbed another iodine swab and ran it over the other males tip hoping to avoid bacteria as much as possible. He slowly brought the tubing to the slit and looked up at the John who was watching Logan and nodding as Logan told him about his dog back home. "Alright, on the count of three I'm going to put it in ok?" '_No it's not ok you idiot.'_ The man nodded and he tightened his grip on Logan's hand as the other gripped the sheets beneath him. "Alright, one, two…three. " Kendall pushed the plastic into the man quickly and it slid easily due to the lube and iodine. Though, it didn't seem so easy for John. He threw his head back gritting his teeth and let out a breathy groan, his back arched.

Logan leaned over him soothingly stroking his cheek. The worst was over. Kendall went in and extra inch to make sure that it reached his bladder before inflating the balloon with the saline. He looked the bag through the male's boxers before using the towel to wipe off the excess lube and iodine before returning the man to his previous position and covered. Kendall looked at him and he was now relaxed though he had a tear that had run down the right side of his cheek.

"That hurt really bad." He said to Kendall. His voice was flat but not mad.

"I know. I'm so sorry I had to do that to you." Kendall said as he ripped his gloves off and threw everything into the bag. He opened the curtain and Logan stayed behind to talk with him for a few more moments. Kendall felt so guilty, not that he had a choice and John knew that.

**Once again let me know what you all think. **


	31. Chapter 31

As they threw their things in the back of their vehicles the Sargent was yelling out, "Just relax men. It's gonna be about an hour's drive and even then you won't be in too much dangers, though we are gonna go all Vietnam on your asses and make you hike it."

"Oh, perfect!" Carlos grumbled out sarcastically while rolling his eyes, "its fucking freezing out!"

Kendall couldn't agree more, it was freezing out, and it was snowing. Well, he signed up for it so might as well get it all over with and make the best of it….well, whatever best there was.

"When we get there we need to be quiet just to make sure that we don't draw more attention to ourselves than we have to, OK?" the short man shouted.

"Yes, sir!" They all said in unison before climbing in the back of their assigned trucks. They were quite cramped and should have only fitted three but, of course, they all four squeezed in with their bags.

Kendall scooted close to James in hope of gaining some of his body heat. "Carlos, your right, it is really _fucking _cold out here!" He intertwined his fingers with James who in return kissed his cheek.

"Damn right!" Logan said in agreement practically sitting in Carlos' lap who wrapped his arms around the smaller male's waist bringing him closer.

"God, you guys are cheesy!" Kendall grumbled as he cuddled closer to James.

"Oh, and you're not all lovey dovey?" Logan protested waving his hand in his direct.

"Nope!" Kendall answered with a smile.

"Yeah, whatever."

"Yeah, that's right." James added, feeling the need to be in one this conversation.

After five minutes of mindless banter James finally said, "Hey guys, how about we get some shut eye. I have a feeling we won't be getting any cozy warm beds tonight."

"Yeah, I guess you're right." Logan said wrapping his arms around himself. "I just don't want to wake up to a nightmare."

James reached across to him to take his hand and said "hey, we are going to be ok, alright?"

Logan didn't look up and just nodded slightly, "No, look at me." James said his voice getting harder. Logan looked at him from under his dark eyelashes. "We are all going to go home to our families. We are going to live long and happy lives, together, because we are all going to be together after this!"

Kendall put his hand on James' back feeling him shaking underneath him.

"James." Carlos whispered, almost hesitant to speak.

James sat back so fast Kendall had to snatch back his hand before it got smashed between him and the vehicle wall. He looked at James who had a mixture of emotions running over his features that Kendall couldn't even make it out. "James, your right, we are all going to be ok." Kendall said placing his hand on the brunette's thigh trying to do anything he could to comfort him, though, this made him break.

"Oh, God." Kendall whispered moving closer to James who now had his face hidden in his hands, elbows on his knees, and wiping away every tear almost before it even had a chance to fall. He was shaking fighting to hold in every sob that was building in his throat. "Come here, James." And with that the brunette crumpled in Kendall's lap pulling his shirt up to hide his face.

Kendall looked up at Logan and Carlos silently pleading with help, though all he got were shakes of their heads telling him they were just as lost as he was, so he just rubbed James' back whispering that everything was going to be ok and that he loved him, even though he didn't know how ok they were going to be. To be honest, he figured that if they came out physically fine that they were going to go home and wake up with nightmares for the rest of their lives and live with Post Traumatic Stress for years and years just like everyone who sees any sort of gruesome experience. He was pretty sure Carlos was already scarred for the rest of his life just from losing Christopher.

James soon fell asleep in Kendall's lap and the other three boys were able to hunker down for a bit as well, though Kendall couldn't sleep no matter how hard he tried. He put his head back, closing his eyes, gently running his fingers through James' soft hair. He looked across at Carlos and Logan who had seemed to find some sort of sleep, Logan's head on the Latino's shoulder who rested his head on top of the brunettes.

"Get up. We gotta get going if we are ever gonna gain any ground before dark." The harsh whispered pulled Kendall out of the sleep that he hadn't even been expecting. Quickly he shook James awake before nudging Carlos and Logan awake.

"Alright guys, let's get a move on." And with that the man was gone moving to the next truckload of boys. James, Kendall, and Carlos jumped out while Logan stayed to hand them their bags before joining them on the ground. There was a path that was surrounded with bare trees though there were the few pine trees that gave them some form of shelter from the relentless wind.

"Come and grab a gun from this truck back here." A young man, even younger than Kendall, said with a wave of his hand to follow him.

Soon after they had received their weapons and an adequate amount of ammunition they were ushered into a single file line. Kendall went to lift the hood on his wind breaker before a hand ripped it down and out of his hands pulling it tight around his neck, "do you wanna get us shot at because you can't see out of your peripherals?"

He just shook his head pulling his gun closer to him. It had been a while since he had shot a gun. There was a gun range at the place they had just left. Him and Carlos had spent an afternoon there before Logan and James had been flown out here. That was like, two months ago? Yeah, that sounded right.

**I know a really, really shitty chapter and an abrupt ending. **


	32. Chapter 32

Kendall lay on his back resting his head on his backpack pulling his blanket tighter around him. He thought about his day, how they had walked for 2 miles before it was almost dark (it getting dark ridiculously early in the winter) and they had to find a spot to camp out where it was slightly more wooded. Their leader had said that they would be walking all day tomorrow and that they would stop just short or where they were going to be needed in order to be safe to sleep, they would need all the energy they could contain for when they had to go to work.

It was freezing out! Kendall looked to his right where Carlos was pressed against him with his head rolled to the side and resting on Logan's shoulder who what pressed against him, they had to stay close for body heat, though the blonde was till shivering. James was curled in a ball, wrapped tightly in his blanket, that really wasn't that warm, but it kept them dry. Kendall reached under James' blanket and found his hand, intertwining their fingers trying to warm his freezing hands while tucking his other one between himself and Carlos. James scooted closer to him and tightened his grip on his hand. Kendall closed his eyes resting his cheek against James' hair. He had no idea what time it was, though he figured it was much later that he should be up…they would probably be woken up as soon as the sun began to peak. Taking a deep breath and having some feeling coming back into his fingertips he settled into a very light sleep, glad he wasn't scheduled for watch tonight.

Kendall awoke with a start when he felt Carlos moving beside him. It was still dark when he opened his eyes though he could see the sky beginning to light. He didn't move trying to enjoy the heat from the boys on either side of him before they would all be getting up for another long day. Carlos stood and Kendall shivered, biting his lip, and groining in protest. He looked down at James, who was resting on his chest, and said, "Hey, babe, get up." He tightened his grip around the brunette's waist and shook him slightly, only getting a groan on and tight grip on his shirt in response.

"James, wake up." Kendall said louder this time and shaking him harder.

James sat up pulling his blanket tight around his shoulders with a glare aimed at the blonde, "Fine, I'm up!"

"Thank you," Kendall stood not happy about this, though he better get over it, and fast, since he was the dumb ass who signed up for all of this bullshit!

He reached down for James' hand to help him up who took it gratefully. Kendall pulled him up forcefully bringing him into a tight hug and whispered, "I love you," before kissing his cheek.

James pulled back and smiled at him, "I love you so much," and pressed his lips gently to Kendall's for a brief moment. This small kiss made Kendall want more, lots more. Sure, he always wanted more, always wanted James, but for some reason he wanted him more than ever now. Maybe because you want what you can't have, and at the moment he couldn't have him, or maybe it was the fact that he just might get killed in this hell hole of a forest, which really wasn't like a forest at all. Kendall pushed his lips to the taller males once again this time with force, holding back a moan, not wanting to draw more attention to himself at this moment. James kissed back, though Kendall could feel his smile through it before he got serious himself and added more heat to the kiss. Kendall ran his hands up the front of the brunette's body and tangled his fingers in his hair this time not being able to control the sudden moan that came to his lips. James smiled slightly again and Kendall nibbled his bottom lip getting a small moan in return.

"Ok, ok," Kendall said out of breath and taking a step back reluctantly, "not here." He let out a breathy laugh and smiled at James who was biting his bottom lip obviously not agreeing with this, though he just nodded, knowing that there was no way anything was going to go farther with the cold and other people in a barely secluded area.

"You're right," He said nodding before grabbing his blanket that had fallen on the ground and stuffed it, with more force than necessary, into his bag, Kendall doing the same.

They were ordered to make one of their MRE's (Meal-Ready-to-Eat) and be packed and ready to head out in 35 minutes. They had been taught how to use these meals and had tried a few of them. They really weren't as bad as people thought they were but still weren't 100% amazing.

Kendall rummaged through his pack and pulled out the first one he felt turning up his nose at what he found, Mexican Style Chicken Stew.

"Carlos, whatdya got?" Kendall asked showing the Latino the front of his package, "You know I don't eat Mexican."

"Yeah, I got" He paused still feeling around for one of his, pulling it out he read, "Beef Roast with Vegetables. Wanna trade?"

"Yeah, thanks buddy." He replied trading with the smaller male.

They went through about half of their meal silently. Kendall hadn't realized how hungry he was until he took his first bite.

"Do you know what pisses me off?" Carlos said loudly catching all of theirs attention.

"What?" James asked before taking another bite of his food.

"That all of our birthday's passed by, except for James cause we all weren't here yet, and we didn't do a damn thing about them, besides the usual 'happy birthday, buddy'!" He ranted using frantic hand gestures.

"Carlos, its fine, once we get outta here we will go back to America and we will all celebrate our birthdays and making it out of this place." James said smiling at the smaller male and patting him on the back. The Latino stared at him, obviously not buying what he was selling.

"Yeah, 'Los, we will make up for all missed birthday celebrations and –"Logan had started before being cut off.

"But what if we all don't make it out of here? Those will be birthday's lost and we will never be able to make up for them." He said not caring that he had just cut off his boyfriend.

Kendall's heart dropped hearing what he had been thinking for the last few months while being here. He shook his head before speaking, "Carlos, we are all gonna get outta here in one piece and we are going to go to Vegas and we are gonna go to Niagara Falls and do so many things together that it won't matter if we miss a few birthday's now. We will go on a trip for all of us." He nudged his best friend with his shoulder, who was looking down at his spoon and half eaten meal. "Whatdya say?"

"Sure, I guess you guys are right." He set his meal down and brought his knee's to his chest not so hungry any more.

"No, 'Los, you finish your food, we need to eat!" Logan said picking up the package and setting it in Carlos' hand.

James leaned over and whispered into Kendall's ear, "I guess we are all a little touché today."

Kendall laughed gently before replying, "Yeah, well, that's what happens when we sleep on the dirt while freezing our asses off." Though he wasn't showing it, he was getting very nervous thinking about their near future and what Carlos had said about them all not making it home. He wasn't only scared for himself he was scared for his best friends and his boyfriend. He smiled at each one of them thinking about what he loved most about them, Logan's laugh that was definitely dorky, Carlos' loyalty to him as a friend, and James who loved him with everything that he had and all of his compassion he put into everything and the energy he had.

20 minutes later they were lined up with guns, helmets, and packs. It was going to be another long day of walking and a whole lot of boring.


	33. Chapter 33

"Logan?"

"Hm?"

"I know we aren't that close, which I wish we were closer, but I wanna tell you something that you can't tell no one unless it comes to it." Kendall had been thinking about this for a while now. He wanted to tell Carlos but he figured he needed a little bonding with Logan.

"Yeah?" Logan asked, "What is it?" He nibbled on his bottom lip worry and confusion mixing on his face.

"Well, I…" Kendall paused, "I just wanna make sure that if something does happen to me that –"

"Hey, nothing is going to happen to any of us!" Logan exclaimed shock and anger mixing in his voice, or maybe fear?

Kendall turned to look him in the eyes keeping his voice low since everyone else was sleeping and they were supposed to be watching this side of their 'camp.' "No, listen to me, I want you to tell James exactly how I feel about him."

"Haven't or aren't you supposed to be doing that now?" Logan asked pointing to the ground, his chest heaving, though Kendall couldn't figure out what was causing it besides his suspicion of fear.

"Well, yeah. And I am! But please," Kendall took on a pleading posture, "If something happens to me you have to tell him that I love him with everything I have."

Logan sarcastically bowed over his Indian style crossed legs, "Is there anything else I can do for you, dear sir?"

Kendall rolled his eyes and shoved him lightly, "Fuck you!" He laughed lightly before he stopped completely, "Yes, actually, there is one more thing, I have a letter that I wrote to my mom and sister," His heart dropped at the thought of leaving them. "It's in my bag at the very bottom. It's sealed and stamped and everything, you just have to send it to them."

Logan looked at him, his face was almost blank, though it held something, and Kendall just didn't know what, once again guessing, maybe contemplation.

Solemnly the smaller brunette nodded, "Sure, of course." His voice was low, maybe he was thinking of his family back home.

There was silence for a long silence while they both thought of home. Kendall shivered as he felt the cold of the air sink into the empty spots that his family usually held, he was missing them so much.

As he brought his coat tighter to him he spoke quietly, "You know, this place, right here and right now, kinda reminds me of home."

"Yeah? How?"

"I don't know. It's just that it's cold and I can see every star through the bare trees." He paused biting his lip feeling his home sickness sinking even deeper into him, "I just remember home being so peaceful and quiet. I could see every star where I lived."

Logan only nodded.

Kendall wanted to say something but nothing that came to mind sounded good. He wanted to ask if there was something Kendall would want to tell Carlos or James or his family. He thought it would be better to just stay quiet so that he didn't upset the other male.

Soon after two men came up to them and told them to go to bed and that they would have a long day tomorrow when they finally reached the combat area.

"ughf!" Was all that Kendall could let out when he felt the wind being knocked out of him. When he opened his eyes he saw that it was still dark but he could see James sitting up next to him looking off in the distance listening intently for something, then Kendall heard it to, his heart picking up to a rapid pace, gun fire.

Kendall saw as well seeing Carlos begin to stir on the other side of James as he regained his breath, "Hey, babe, its fine. It's far away. You can hear the echo."

James began to breathe again, "Yeah, it just startled me coming out of nowhere."

Kendall and him listened as it continued for a few more moments then went quiet. "Come here," he said as he lay back down and held his arm out to the side for James to rest on his chest, which he did without hesitation. The blonde kissed his forehead brushing his bangs out of his face. He could feel the other boy vibrating, "James…" He paused not knowing what to say before he decided to go with something lame, "It's gonna be ok. We are safe here. Kendall reached out with his right hand to make sure that his gun was still within reaching distance just for good measure.

"I know. I just don't exactly know what to expect." He paused, "I mean. You have been in this situation before," Kendall held back a 'whatever', "I just don't know how I'm gonna do this and not freeze up."

Kendall was now brushing his thumb against James' unshaved cheek, "Hey, we will be fine. We are going into this together and we all have each other's back, ok? No one is going to let anything happen to you."

Though, James knew he was bluffing just as much as he did, he still nodded.

"Let's get some sleep baby, ok?" Kendall kissed his forehead hoping to comfort the brunette as much as possible.

"Do you know what scares me to most?"? James said seemingly ignoring the blonde's request of sleep.

"What?"

"Killing someone," He took in a sharp breath before continuing, "I mean I know that everyone says it's not that hard to do when they shoot at you first, but think about it," No, this is the one thing that Kendall had been trying not to think about, succeeding until now, "they are son's and dad's and a family member just like us, and I'm going to be the one taking him from their children and wives and moms and dads."

Kendall didn't know what to say, feeling the uninvited lump gather in his throat.

After a momentary pause James whispers, "I'm sorry. It has just been eating away at me."

All Kendall could do was nod.

**So I know that this is ANOTHER boring chapter but I needed to form some sort of connection between Kendall and Logan, it had been seriously neglected. But please! Review; tell me what you really think! The next chapter is going to have the action. **


	34. Chapter 34

Within what seemed to be only minutes they were being awoken to eat breakfast and get ready to move out. They were to clean their guns to insure that they would have a less chance of jamming when they would be most needed.

Kendall watched as James walked in front of him thinking about how much he loved him. He knew it wasn't the best moment for these thoughts but he wanted to take him right there, leaving him marked as his own. Him and James had only had sex twice. Sure, this wasn't the most normal of relationships or circumstances but still, twice. It had been far too long and twice was _not _enough! He knew there was nothing he could do about it now but he could still touch him. Leaning forward, looking awkward while still walking, he pushed his fingers between the brunettes shoulder blades dragging his fingers down his spine, wasn't very satisfying due to the clothing.

James turned at looked at him with a confused look, "Yeah?"

Kendall nibbled his lip, James smiled and Kendall smiled back, "I love you."

James rolled his eyes and laughed, "I love you to, darling."

God, not butterflies, Kendall hated butterflies.

After an hour and a half of walking James suddenly stopped and held up his left hand signaling to halt. Kendall stopped in his tracks and did the same thing for Carlos, who had been walking behind him.

The only noise was the sound of labored breathing, trying to suck down the cold air, and the barely audible mumbles of their radio man. Soon they were being told to move forward again. Within minutes they were breaking into a clearing. They were told to stop and wait once more while their Sargent spoke quickly with another male who was very tall with dark skin and not well shaven what so ever. No one spoke but Kendall reached forward and laced his fingers with James' and gave him a gentle squeeze letting him know that he was there for him.

"Alright men, we need to get to work immediately. They had only had 5 corpsmen with them and one of them was KIA and another one is too injured to help whatsoever." With that they were told to move out and get to work.

"Come on guys. We are gonna be ok." Kendall spoke softly while placing his hand on Carlos' back while keeping his other hand in James' warm grasp.

They were led to a makeshift area where tents had been set up to shelter the men lying on blankets or tarps and then were covered with one or two blankets. There seemed to be about 15 of them.

Logan approached a man who was looking at them, Kendall, James, and Carlos following him to listen into the conversation.

"Hey, man. What do we need to know?" Logan asked when he was within ear shot.

"Well, um, I guess you just need to know that the very critical have been shipped out and I don't know what the hell is going on with the flights but we have been getting a copter in here about once a week when we need them more like every other day because the city just on the other side is filled with, gah, fuck!" The man became flustered and ran his hand through his dirty brown hair.

"Ok, well we are going to go and check everything out," Logan replied slightly hesitant.

"Yeah, if you all got it we need new bandages and antibiotic." He said his voice more calm now.

Carlos stepped forward and put a hand on Logan's waist to lead him away to get to work. Kendall felt the need to say something to the other man but he didn't know what. He was rushed when he felt James' hand on his hip, "It's alright, we've got it under control." Well, it wasn't a complete lie, right? Whatever.

The man didn't move as they walked around him. Kendall looked around himself again before walking up to someone with James beside him, he knelt on his knees and pulled back the blanket, the man stirred, "Hey, it's alright, we are just gonna check your bandages and change them if needed ok?" he nodded. Kendall looked over the patchy work that had been bled through.

Kendall turned to James, "Hey, can you unwrap this? I'm gonna go and get a supply pack." Kendall gave him a small peck on the lips ignoring the groan from the man on the ground.

Once he returned James had the bandage almost completely removed, using his pocket knife as scissors, working extra slow as to not harm the man further. Kendall dug through the pack removing clean bandages and tape, along with saline wipes to at least clean the wound a little.

When James pulled back the bandage completely it revealed something that neither of them were exactly prepared for. The skin was red hot, swollen, and there were blisters from the hot metal of the shrapnel that must have hit him. It went all the way up the side of his right calf.

Kendall pulled out some wipes and looked at the man's face, he was asleep. "Here, I'm going to wash him up a little bit, maybe wash away some sweat and bacteria."

"Hand me the bandages and I'll cut some." James said holding his hand out for the bandages and grabbing the scissors.

They worked diligently together for the rest of the afternoon until dark.

"God, I don't know how much longer I can sleep on this ground! I'm gonna develop a fucking hip disorder." Carlos growled through the dark. Kendall didn't open his eyes or move from where he was resting against James' chest.

Logan laughed and there was some shuffling before Carlos let out another groan and there was a small smack, "Stop moving!"

Kendall rubbed circles on James' chest resulting in a soft squeeze, "I love you, goodnight."

**So….I had nowhere to go with this chapter and it took me ALL afternoon to write it! I know, its short and kinda sucks, like the rest of the last few chapters. **

** THOUGH! I have a question! I have really been wanting to do this but I want opinion. I want to change this to Kendall's point of view but it's sort of weird to do at the end of a story so let me know if you all are ok with this! **


	35. Chapter 35

** Ok, so I have decided that I'm going to write from Kendall's point of view from now on, even though there aren't too many chapters left. Let me know if you all like this way better or if you want me to switch back to the way it was. **

I stood and listened to our Sargent as he paced as if he were contemplating on what to tell us, "So, we are going into the city today. It's not much of a hike, just on the other side of those trees," He pointed into a row of trees. I wondered what was to be expected when we reached the other side of those harmless looking trees. "There are trucks that are going to be coming and getting us in an hour or so. Eat and be ready to leave in that time."

As soon as we were dismissed I turned to James who looked slightly confused, or maybe offended? "Why the fuck are we walking if there are trucks? "He blurted out. To be honest, it was a good question; I had been thinking the same thing.

"I don't know, it really doesn't make much sense to me." I said as I felt Logan and Carlos join in next to me.

There was no point in worry about the past when there was a very near future to worry about. I took James' hand and him back over to where we had pitched camp for the past night. I really didn't feel all that great today, I missed my family and my body ached from sleeping on the hard ground. I honestly didn't feel close to anything or anyone. Sure, I had James but at this point, I felt like we were just going through the motions. We held hands, shared tiny pecks on the lips or cheeks, and said 'I love you' but, I don't know. It just wasn't right. I needed to be shown and brought closer to him. It just wasn't easy out here in the cold, not getting enough sleep, and not ever being able to be alone.

After we got back the camp area we sat down and I looked at Logan and Carlos, the Latino had his back against a fallen log while Logan sat between his legs. He watched as Logan pulled out two packs of the pre-packaged meals. I felt a pang of jealousy as Logan leaned back against his chest and ripped open the meal beginning to eat the granola bar.

He felt a hand slide across his lower back, fingers wrapping around his hip, bringing him closer to James, "Hey, Kendall, you ok?" He whispered in my ear. His touch still gave me butterflies and his breath against my ear still sent shivers down my spine, don't get me wrong, just because I don't feel close to him does not in any way mean I don't still love him with everything I have.

I decided to go with the honest rout, "No," as soon as I heard my voice I realized that I sounded more pathetic than I intended to.

James tightened his grip on me. I felt his free hand curve under my chin, forcing me to look at him. I shuddered when I saw the deep concern in his eyes, "Talk to me."

I didn't know where to start, suddenly my mind flashed to my iPod, Jesus I wanted my music so bad. "It's just -," I really didn't know what to say," I guess, I don't know," I felt so defeated, I heard Carlos giggle behind me, definitely wasn't fucking helping right now.

I could feel myself getting angry and frustrated, so many emotions mixing, I didn't even know what I was doing until it happened, I guess I just snapped. I jumped into James' lap and wrapped my arms around his neck pushing my lips against his in a fast rush of lust; basically I attacked him with my kiss, if you could even call it a kiss. I ground my hips down on his feeling my body coming to life, though I knew we could only go so far, I knew people had to be watching by now, I knew Carlos and Logan were since their soft chatter had ceased. James wrapped his strong arms around my waist pulling me closer, egging me on. I pushed my hips to his again, the friction causing a moan to form in my chest only to hitch before it could reach my lips when James pulled my hips down to his, his fingers digging into the soft flesh with bruising strength. God damn it felt so good.

This is exactly what I needed. I just needed this sexual tension released and to show and/or be shown that I was still wanted. I could feel James, now hard under me. He pulled his lips from mine just as I was going to grind him again; the cold air was not welcome where his warms lips had just been on mine, "Kendall," his voice was rough and breathy at the same time, so damn sexy, "n-."

I cut him off knowing that he was going to try and stop what was happening, I knew it was the right thing to do, especially when they were pretty much out in the middle of nowhere with other guys. Though, if you threw a few chicks out here ready to get it on not one of them would hesitate putting on a show. I had my elbows resting on his shoulders, my hands tangled in his long hair. I pulled and he praised me with a deep growl forcing me to push my chest to his wanting to be a close as possible, I pushed my hips again.

I felt him begin to push me away from him when I ripped his head back, probably more forceful than necessary. He let out a groan of pain before it turned into a moan when I bit down on the delicate flesh directly below his jaw.

"Diamond, Knight!" I ripped away from James, making a note of the red mark on his neck that would surely become a bruise, falling off his lap onto the hard, cold dirt. I looked up at our Sargent and scrambled to my feet, James doing the same beside me. My heart pounded, though I couldn't tell if it was still recovering from our little make out session or fear of what was about to be said.

"Can you please explain to me what the hell is going on here?" He said his voice raised.

I looked over to where Logan and Carlos had been seeing that they were gone. I opened my mouth to say that it wasn't what it looked like, though that's exactly what it was before he cut me off before I could even start, "No, I change my mind. Please do not tell me." He shook his head before he said in a lowered volume, "You know what? You two are going to be on watch tonight." He turned to walk away though paused, turning to look at us once more raising his eye brows telling the two younger males, 'if you know what I mean.'

**Yup. Tell me what you all think! **


	36. Chapter 36

I sat in the back of the truck that was to take us to our next destination, this town on the other side of this short stretch of trees. They were told it was going to be about a five minute drive. I sat, my head down looking at my feet studying every crack in the drying dirt. I thought hard about how after I had kissed James we barely talked, I don't know if it was because of the fact that we had been caught, not that we had been trying to hide either, probably would have ended better if we had, or the fact that there was something seriously wrong in our relationship. I thought forward to how tonight could go, now that we were going to be staying up for watch, oh God, this could go even worse for multiple reasons.

I felt eyes on me and lifted my head to see Carlos staring at me as if he were trying to read my mind, for all I knew he was. Even when I locked eyes with him he didn't look away, "What?"

He shook his head, "Nothing, just thinking." What the hell?

"About?" I tried to prompt.

"You," He paused, I felt James snap up to look at him and I saw Logan turn to him with a questionable look that most likely reflected the one of mine and James' faces, "and James."

Before I could say anything Logan beat me at it, "Why?"

"Because," He groaned, "They are being retarded," Thanks Carlos, that means a lot. "Look at them," I looked at James, who looked at me with a quizzical glace before we both looked at Carlos, "They were so fuckin in love when they got together now, I don't even know, their like robots." Nope, we weren't sitting right here listening to every word he was saying, "I mean seriously? They say 'I love you' but it doesn't sound as sincere as before, they cuddle at night but they don't talk. Today was the first time I say _any _sort of love between you two," Thanks for finally talking to us!

Before Carlos could continue James spoke up, "Carlos, what are you talking about? I love Kendall very much." I felt my heart flutter, damn; I wasn't a 15 year old. He wrapped his arm around me and pulled me close to him, "It's not like you and Logan have fucked in a while, no one had had a chance." Was I the one who was imagining things and then acting on them because I felt like we were growing apart? James seemed quite confident in his love for me. I silently thanked Carlos for pulling this awkward conversation out, though I would never tell him thank you to his face.

I laughed when Logan seemed to freeze and his face went from pale as a ghost to beet red in mere seconds. "Oh, you don't know what happens when both of you are sleeping," I scrunched up my face in disgust, "There is a thing called qu-OW" Logan elbowed the Latino hard in the ribs.

"Shut up!" He hissed through his teeth.

"Oh, God," James said shaking his head; I'm sure trying to rid his mind of horrible mental images as I was.

"Yeah, right, Carlos not a screamer!?" I commented knowing no way in hell.

James laughed beside me and Logan threw back his head, Carlos had a silly grin on his face. It took me a moment then I caught on, "Carlos tops!?"

We all laughed when Logan mumbled a "Fuck you all."

"Nope, I will be the only one fucking _you_!" Carlos said into his ear causing Logan to bite his lip.

"Ok, please not in a closely confine are with us in it." James said rolling his eyes.

Carlos giggled and Logan groaned sinking farther into his seat.

A minute or so later the trucks came to a stop and we all hopped out quietly. I threw my hand over my mouth to stop my non-existent breakfast from coming back up. What the hell was that smell?! I took in my surroundings finding the backs of multiple buildings on my left side, the trees that we had just emerged from on my right.

"James," I looked up at my beautiful brunette who had his mouth and nose covered just as I did.

"What the fuck is that?" I heard Logan swear behind me.

"I'm not really sure, but I'm pretty positive I'm ok with _not _knowing." Carlos said his shirt pulled over his face.

The trucks began pulling away and we gathered, our Sargent whispered to the 7 of us that had been brought here, leaving the rest back at the makeshift camp to get choppers and evacuate the troops that had gathered there. I looked around me noticing that everyone but the man talking to them quickly and quietly about how they were going to move quickly and quietly, guns ready and single file, had their faces half covered to block out the offending smells.

It's probably some of us…we haven't had a chance to properly bathe in about a week. Gross. I looked at James who had his eyes narrowed while watching the older man. I took his hand and he squeezed mine. I watched as a soft smile reached to his eyes, though not looking at me.

Within a minute later we were in a single file line. James, Carlos, and Logan were in front of me, in that order. We crouched against the edge of the building before being signaled forward. I pulled my gun close to my body as I felt myself begin to shake in anticipation and fear, first, I could be shot, that was pretty fucking scary, second, I didn't know what we would find when we got to the other troops, there could be more wounded and dead, or close to dying. It could get quite gruesome. I pushed these images out of my head when I saw Logan motion me forward.

I reached behind me motioning for the last man in line to follow me. There was no way in hell I was going to be last. Sure, call me a pussy but it wasn't going to happen.

When I rounded the corner I took in the deserted streets of the obviously evacuated town. There were a few deserted cars in the middle of the road, doors open. I saw how doors had been left open to the shops and/or houses that line the streets. I felt my heart tense when I saw a chard teddy bear. These were homes and business' that had been destroyed. I looked at James' back making sure that he was ok. He turned slightly and I could see how his brow was brought together and his eyes looked darker than usual due to the helmet he was wearing; he looked just as distressed as I felt. Fuck, I just wanted to go and hug him.

The oldest man of the group turned to the 7 much younger males and silently split them, knowing that he better put James, me, Carlos, and Logan together or he would get all sorts of hell later, and told us to move back across the street, what was the freaking point in coming over here in the first place? We were to move back to where we came from though move down the street three houses and watch this side of the street while the others moved down their side, going back and forth until they were at the end of the street, they would figure out how to navigate that when they got that far.

I rolled my eyes earning a glare from his dark eyes. James turned me to face the street. I pouted before looking around the corner both ways making sure nothing had changed or looked strange, not that two minutes could really change anything that much.

I nodded, locking eyes with all three of them. I was about to move before I turned back around and pressed my lips to James' in a passionate yet sloppy kiss before quickly moving across the street crouched, gun at the ready. I reached the door of the building across from the others and waited for my boys to join me, yes my boys don't worry about it. I turned to check on Carlos who had just slammed himself roughly against the concrete of the building when I heard the sound of a gun and particles of the frail building crumbled down on top of me. I felt my heart pound in my chest and my body began to shake, where the hell did that come from? I heard another gun and a screech from my right. I grabbed James' shirt and pulled him behind me as we dove into the alley between two buildings. I didn't stop or let go of him until we were both against the dead end of the alley. Fuck!

I turned when I heard a scream of pain and Logan scream for help. He was pulling Carlos into the confines of their little hiding spot while my best friend tried to hide his screams through gritted teeth. I grabbed beneath one shoulder while Logan took the other to make sure that we were hidden as well as possible. I ripped off me and Carlos' backpacks before laying him down gently.

James crouched at Carlos' head, me on his left, and Logan on his right. "James, morphine," I said not even trying to hid the shake in my voice and hands. I heard Logan begin to sob reaching forward to touch Carlos' cheek. I took in his face. He had tears in his eyes and sweat plastered his to long hair to his forehead. "Carlos, its ok buddy, we are going to help you."

I looked down at his uniform that was now turning burgundy with blood. Oh, Carlos, you have to be ok. I can't lose you. I bit my lip as I slowly unzipped his jacket, not being shown the wound I grabbed my pocket knife and cut open his shirt. He let out a scream that was muffled by the lip he was biting drawing blood from that to.

"Carlos, hold on baby." I heard Logan coo as I finally pulled the sticky fabric from the tattered flesh.

"Logan. I want my mom." Carlos was sobbing his voice cracking on the words. He held tight to my thigh his other hand clasped by Logan's. I felt tears begin to form in my eyes though I didn't bother to hold them back.

I blocked out what Logan was saying, it would only break my heart more. I looked up at a shaking James who was just now drawing the medicine. Before putting my pocket knife away I cut a hole in the Latino's sleeve to reveal a spot to give him the shot. I reached out for it when James had drawn the dosage him placing it in my palm, "Alright, 'Los. This is gonna make you feel better. Hang tight."

I gave him the shot before looking back down at the hold on the right side of his chest. It was low and I knew that it would have hit his lungs. Just to be sure I leaned down and pressed my ear to his chest, feeling his warm blood cling to my cheek, sure enough, he was gurgling with every rapid breath. I wrapped his clothes around him to keep him warm, he was already getting cold, and you don't last long when you are bleeding into your lungs. I looked at James who was watching me. I nodded and he knew exactly what I meant. James moved to put Carlos' head in his lap as he smoothed back his bangs from his big dark eyes.

His breathing was slowing from the medicine and the pain was subsiding. I listened to Logan speak soft words to Carlos through his sobs. He was telling the elder boy that it would be ok and that we were all here for him and we loved him. Logan bent down and placed a gentle kiss on the Latino's lips before pulling away, whispering a I love you.

I didn't bother whipping the tears that were running down my cheeks. I knew there was nothing we could do. Even if we did get a chopper in here they wouldn't make it in time. I reached out and stroked Carlos' tan cheek and whispered, "I love you 'Los. You're my best friend." The last word was choked off as the lump in my throat made itself known. Carlos was looking up at me his eyes filled with tears though he didn't look scared.

"I love you guys so much. Thank you for everything you were to me." I watched as he took his hand from me and placed it on James' cheek who was leaning over him, neither said a word but I didn't think that James could. The brunette threw his head back trying to send the tears back to where they came from before they could fall. I watched his chest stop moving as he held his breath, willing himself not to cry.

Suddenly Carlos dropped his hand on his stomach and began to convulse, his lung reaching its breaking point. We both backed up giving him space before he went limp. Logan threw himself down and I stood in anger, James staying on his knee's head held low. I just lost my best friend! Sure I wasn't Logan who just lost his boy-. James. I sat next to him and pulled him to me, his larger body leaning into me. He was suddenly sobbing uncontrollably. I didn't know what to do so I sang, I sang the song that he had sung the first time I heard his amazing vocals.

_"I know inside your feeling so hollow, and it's a hard pill for you swallow, yeah, but if I fall for you, I'll never recover, if I fall for you I'll never be the same." _That's all I could get before my voice began cracking, causing a small laugh to leave James. Now was not the time to be laughing, but I couldn't help but let one out either. I think we are in shock. I broke away from James and crawled around him to Logan who was watching us. I pulled him into a tight hug and whispered to him, "It's ok, I've got you. We are here for you, you're gonna be alright." I was hoping what I was saying was right. When he hugged me back I guessed that I was doing alright.

I looked to my left and saw Carlos' once energetic body again and suddenly I was pissed. I stood pacing back and forth in the small space we had. I had to get out of there. I just needed to get out. I didn't know how yet without getting myself shot. There were windows lining this side of one of the buildings, I busted one with the butt of my gun before I threw it into the small room with a clang. I turned to the other two with me to tell them to come on, though I never got a chance due to an explosion that erupted inside the house.


	37. Chapter 37

I groaned in pain as I rolled from my stomach to my back, hearing nothing but the ringing in my ears. "James," I couldn't even hear my own voice, which was rough from the dust and debris setting around us. I groaned when a head ache suddenly hit me lick a semi-truck. I tried reaching around myself, trying to move was the hardest part, my entire body was heavy and I was extremely dizzy. "Logan," I let out a cough.

The ring was slowly subsiding and I was able to make out a groan somewhere to my left. I rolled back over on my stomach pulling myself towards the noise; I barely noticed the glass of what used to be windows dig into my palms. I reached in front of me and I felt something, a hand! I pulled myself towards the other boy. "Logan!"

I reached him so I was lying next to him, me on my stomach him on his back. "Hey buddy." I inspected him, he had a large bloody gash on his forehead, darkening his already dark hair. He groaned at me.

My headache was not making it easy for me to stay calm, I could feel myself getting agitate by hardly any stimulation, "Logan, look at me!" I demanded, though he did look at me. Other than the gash on his head and covered in dirt he looked ok.

James, now I have to find him. I rolled onto my back and slowly sat up; my head is fucking killing me! I must have a concussion. I gave myself simple tasks, going step by step what I had to do to get to my boyfriend.

I scanned the small area. Ok, where the hell are you? On the other side of the alley I could just barely make out a figure on the ground. I crawled on my hands and knees towards James. When I reached him I rolled him onto his back so he was lying flat. I panicked and felt for a pulse directly under his jaw. Nothing! "Logan, James doesn't have a pulse! Help me!" I looked over my shoulder at the smaller male who was just now beginning to sit up, also holding his, I'm assuming, throbbing head. Damn it!

I turned to look at James CPR, that's what I need to do. Ok, think Kendall! Check, check. Call, check, even though it wasn't doing me any good at this point. Care, I can do this. My hands were shaking and the fact that I seemed so calm even though my boyfriend was technically dead right now, scary. I thought back to that god awful class, Logan was good at all this shit. He hadn't tried to break Carlos with slings, oh Carlos. I shook my head, ow, bad idea. Fucking focus! Going through the steps in my head I played them out. I tilted James' head back to open the air way, ok, breath twice; I placed my lips over his open mouth and breathed in twice. I watched from the corner of my eye as his chest rose with each breath. Alright, 30 pumps, I placed the palm of my right hand in the center of his muscular chest placing my left hand over that lacing my fingers together before using my upper body as leverage I pushed down, hard, remembering something about how broken bones are normal, I don't want to hurt him but I'd rather have him alive.

"Come on, babe, wake up for me." Now that I had a rhythm panic came. I count out the beats to keep from going at a faster rate. "29, 30," I throw myself over him giving him two more deep breaths, "James, wake up." My voice is tight and I'm trying to keep myself from yelling at him, it's not working so well for me. "James, come on, I need you, and I can't lose you. I've already lost my best friend. Not you to." I drop for two more breaths. I pull back from my first one and just as I'm about to give another James' coughs hit me right in the face.

I can hear Logan just now beginning to make his way over to us. "James, you were dead!" I now scream at him relief coursing through my entire body.

He groans and his hand shoots to his head, "I know, babe, it hurts doesn't it?" I don't expect an answer. When I feel Logan next to me and turn to him giving James a moment to adjust to everything that has happened. "Logan, I saved him!" I said though regretting it when all three of us groaned at the volume of my voice.

Over all this shit I take James' hand and say, "come on, James, sit up, babe," I prompt him while pulling, successfully pulling him into a sitting position where he sumps over his knees.

"James, talk to me, dude," Logan is now prompting him, trying to make sure there isn't anything hurt beyond what our eyes can see.

James sits up a bit straighter; I can practically hear his body protest, "Ugh, everything hurts so bad!" I scamper on my hands and knees towards our packs avoiding the Latino as much as possible. I rummage through to find a bottle of pain medication. I could use morphine but we need to at least be somewhat coherent. I count out six and grab a water bottle. I make my way back over to the two brunettes and quickly down mine, the water hitting my tongue makes me realize just how thirsty I am. I'm careful to make sure I leave enough for the other two to take their medication. I give them their pills, two each, I then hand Logan the water and he seems to realize the same thing, though he doesn't stop.

"Really, you had to drink it all?" James asks, pouting.

"Hold on, I'll grab yours and Logan's waters." I say, this time I stand, my body screams in disagreement, though I ignore it. I'll feel a little better in a few minutes when the medicine kicks in. I grab all four backpacks so that I don't have to keep making pointless trips. I grab the second bottle of water out of my pack and hand it to James who happily takes down the pills and the entire bottle. I watch as he drains it praying that there are other full bottles. I enjoy the little droplets of water that hang on his lips for multiple reasons. God, I love him. I shake my head, my headache slightly subsiding, and I take a half full water out of James' pack and down it. The feeling of the water washing over my tongue is bliss. I can feel the cold contents rush down to my stomach, immediately making me feel better. I can hear the crinkle of a bottle next to me and know that Logan has also found another one to drain.

For a moment we sit, feeling our bodies work around the much needed liquid. I rub my stomach which now protrudes slightly due to the massive intake and it hurts.

"Ugh, my stomach hurts so much now." Logan grumbles next to me rubbing his own.

"Hmhm." James says in agreement.

** So um…the next chapter is going to be the last one. I kinda already have it all planned out so I'm hoping to have it on in the morning or tomorrow night. **


	38. Chapter 38

That night I found out that it was a plane that had dropped an explosive on the building where the men who shot Carlos were hiding. A helicopter that came and got the wounded took Carlos so he could be sent back to his dad and brothers. That was so hard to do, if it was hard on me I can't even imagine what it did to Logan. He hardly spoke to us for a few days, we gave him his space and he pulled through. James was fine, though very fatigued.

We went on with our mission and spent a good amount of time in the field. I got myself shot in the back of the thigh and that sent me straight into surgery and physical therapy. It was fucking hell not knowing what was happening with James and Logan. It broke my heart having to go to sleep without James by my side. Though, Logan to since it was so cold we still all cuddled together for warmth.

Soon I was sent back to them for a short amount of time before we were sent home, our two years being up.

**2 years later;**

"Logan, what the hell is that?" I said from the couch, my shirt covering my nose. It smelt like someone had opened up a dozen rotten eggs.

"Well, it was supposed to be some sort of homemade stew but I burnt it or something." Logan called back from the kitchen.

I groaned and leaned my face into James chest who laughed sporting the same look as me with his shirt over his face.

"I'm not eating that!" James called out to him.

"When you get hungry enough you will."

I hated it when Logan cooked. You know he tried to burn down our apartment once while making pancakes. How the hell do you set pancakes on fire? Beats me.

About a month ago we decided that we would all live together so we gathered enough money between the three of us to put down a three month lease on an apartment out here in Michigan. My mom and sister weren't too far from us. We didn't know if we were going to move here or Texas to be closer to Logan's parents but he said to come here since he really wasn't that close with them anyways. James could care less about his mother, he usually just called her the bitch, which I didn't approve of, rather that his mother.

I turned to James and hesitantly dropped my shirt. I can handle this smell. I'm fine, ugh it's so gross. "I'm just waiting for him to make something that sets off the smoke alarm again."

"Yeah, again." James said rolling his eyes. I just laughed. "It's a good thing that we made the chicken." I nodded in agreement before turning back to the TV where we were watching a hockey game.

Just minutes later I heard a knock on the door before a small brunette girl entered and announced her presence with a high pitched hello. We all returned it as Camille skipped across the wood floor towards Logan to give him a peck on the lips. Yep, Logan came back and got himself a girlfriend. When asked why he said that Carlos was someone extremely special and he could never be with another guy again. He really did love that little Latino with everything he had.

James had wrapped his arm around my shoulder and brought me closer to him and placed a quick kiss on my temple before ignoring the chatting couple in the kitchen. I looked down and ran my fingers over the gold ring that was on my left hand. James had proposed to me not so long ago. I couldn't be happier than I am now. I have my _fiancé _and my best friend. I leaned my head against James' shoulder.

Camille and Logan to where we were sitting and took a seat on the couch across from us, "That should be done in just a few minutes. I'm starved." Logan said rubbing his stomach. I rolled my eyes with a small laughed. He was always hungry.

"What are you two up to today?" Camille asked as she settled into a ball against Logan.

I smiled at her and pointed to the TV, "absolutely nothing! Just watching some hockey, I think we might have to go grocery shopping later after dinner though."

"Yeah, after Logan has tried to ruin what little food we had left in the fridge." James said nudging Logan's foot with his own. That earned him a glare.

"Whatever, you guys just wait. You'll like it."

"I don't even know what's in it!" I protested.

"It's got chicken, carrots, celery, and potatoes in it. I promise you'll like it."

"Ugh….you know I don't eat cooked carrots." James groaned next to me.

"You can pick around them if that makes you happy." Logan shot back a look of annoyance starting to form on his face.

"No it's already been conta-" I smacked James in the chest and his hand flew up to rub the spot that had been assaulted, "Ow, that hurt."

"Yeah, you be sweet right now." I said and he pouted.

I looked up at the Camille who was just watching us, an amused smile on her lips. "You know, I really don't know what I would do without you guys. My life was so boring before you showed up."

"Oh, you know it! We are amazing!" Logan said teasingly.

She rolled her eyes and kissed his cheek, "You're amazing."

I smiled and looked back to the TV just as our team, the Detroit Red Wings got a goal.

"We so got this game this time!" James said punching the air.

"We are up by two. We can't lose it now. There's only two minutes left!" I said sitting forward, my elbows on my knees. I smiled when James reached under my shirt and ran his fingers gently up and down my spine. I resisted shivering under his touch.

Soon the game was over, us winning 4-3, close call. Logan jumped up and hurried to the kitchen. I could hear him gathering the dishes for dinner, Camille joining him.

"I guess we should go and help him," I said as I began to stand, but was pulled back down when James grabbed onto my belt, "What?"

He leaned forward placing his hand on my cheek before giving me a deep kiss, he broke away entirely too soon for my liking, "I love you, Kendall."

I smiled at him before pushing my lips back against his and nibbled on his bottom lip. I successfully pulled a moan from him before pulling back and replied, "I love you too, babe." This time he let me stand.

"Oh, we will be finishing this later." He challenged with a wink.

I smiled and rolled my eyes, "Let's eat, whatever the hell it is that Logan made."

**Sooo It's finished, I'm pretty happy with this last chapter, though none of it really turned out the way I had planned. It wasn't that great in my opinion but I tried. I already have ideas for another story that I will be posting soon. It's going to be called Story of my Life. Let me know what you all thought of this! Did you like the ending?**


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